Bridging Divides
Empathy Cafe
2026-10-18

I thought it was good. You can also ask Teri, Bill and Jeff. Adding Bill here. 

12 people, 6 men, 6 women, two breakout rooms. We talked about various aspects of conflict and bridging divides, from personal to political. 

Intros were a little on the longish side, but still okay, and I think it's good that we did them in the full group. 

I took these notes during the debrief, observations, and also ideas for the future (sharing here with our names, and without names for newcomers):

1. Teri: Making time to talk about it together in Empathy Circles, what we're already doing, more of that. 

2. Set of questions for a longitudinal narrative during the Empathy Circle

3. Noticed that an active listener didn't acknowledge verbally when they were corrected by the speaker, and it would be helpful if they said that they really are trying to understand and not misrepresent. 

4. It's harder to reflect when talking about politics. 

5. Question that I may not have fully or properly answered: 

• How does empathic listening affect Red and Blue conflict in The Empathy Center? (I said that the conflicts haven't been resolved but they don't interfere with what we're doing. A better answer might be that Empathy Circle practice might make us more accepting of cognitive dissonance. We don't have to reach agreement on everything, or not every instance of disagreement merits a conflict resolution process. I could have shared that we have Restorative Empathy Circle and Restorative Circle process options available for the community.) 

6. Request for resources.
I put these resources in the Chat: 

• • Monica Guzman's book, I Never Thought of It That Way

  • Braver Angels e-courses braverangels.org and a link to our landing page, where they can find a BA free membership (link to join)

  • The Empathy Center - Empathy Circles and facilitator training  theempathycenter.org

  • Street Epistemologists International (SEI) added a link to SEI

  • Bill or Ingrid posted a link to the ECF training

7. Divisiveness requires more time; curious to know more and for more connection,—both need more time. (I understand 'more time' to mean: 4 in a circle would be better than 6, and we could have had three circles instead of two; smaller circles are better for more time, and a larger circle is better to meet more people.)

8. Jeff: Appreciation for conversations with new people and suggestion to engage in problem-solving together

9. I asked for a list of the ideals (values?) that someone shared during the circle, since I thought they'd be good topics for BA Empathy Circles (and put my email in the Chat).

The list includes possible second Suggested Topics, and if you like the idea of having a second Suggested Topic, we can switch up the second Suggested Topic at each circle. 

I asked for permission to share the followup email. For now, here's the list: 

What ideals bound us together in the US, and had us become so successful, and able to make democracy work in a way that appealed to the world?

I would suggest a few:

• • • - the immigrant idea. to arrive and be accepted.

    • - equality and belonging - that every person is "as good as any other, and better than most" (de Toqueville's phrasing)

    • -  Self-reliance and personal responsibility - as reflected in the frontier spirit, etc.

    • - individual rights (what arguably saved us from European Socialism in the 20th century - we don't tend to do things where the state imposes on the individual). Same as "freedom" more or less.

    • - self-government and democracy. no king, no mandarin class (see individual rights above)

    • - Constitutionalism - rather than a shared religion, we have a shared obligation and set of oaths for many to the US Constitution

10. Suggestion that we make time for stretching and embodying during the circle, since it's long and hard to just sit.

Also suggested that a combination of things are needed to bridge social and political divides; the Empathy Circle is one tool, combined with other things. 

11. Bill shared the benefits of the Empathy Circle; helps to break down defenses (the rest is illegible notes)

12. Ingrid: Empathy Circles are a way to contribute to a more connected world. 

Blessings for happiness ~ 

Janna

thanks, Janna

here's some additions from topics discussed in my breakout room

• • Someone suggested that it easier to connect on non divisive topics first, and approach them when a connection already exists

  • Does connection always feel better than disconnect? Most people don't like the polarization they experience these days. Why is there still so much disconnect if this is true? 

  • Communication feels more complete when emotional impact is shared.

  • Can we take the circle to a next level, which would be problem solving?

  • Support and place are needed where people who experience the division in their families or friendships can learn how to talk to each other

Teri and I were in the breakout room. We also had the perfect male/female ratio. Two rounds 5 minutes each, not enough time for a third round for most, it did feel complete even though a third round would have most likely deepened the conversation more. I am thinking, 2hrs is a minimum for this format 

I won't be there on Nov 1, we will be in Arizona that day hosting an empathy circle for the NVC community of Northern Arizona. 

Ingrid

Thanks, Edwin. Thanks, Ingrid.

Rick mentioned that in his intro, and said that the Bridging Cafes were really good. He was in Ingrid and Teri's room. 

I was careful to divide men and women up equally when I did the breakout room. Maybe too hard to do if there are several rooms, but for 12 people, two rooms, it wasn't a problem. 

I suggest sticking to four (or five) per room going forward. Unless we're short on facilitators. Thoughts on this?

We did 4-min turns, and a few people went over by a minute. 

Maybe helpful to agree, either before the circle, or before going to breakout rooms (after we know how many people are there), on what time we're coming back to the main room. 

I don't think either room was recorded. I don't want to be recorded. 

Happiness ~ 

Janna

Thanks Everyone for sharing these detailed notes! Very exciting, especially the number of attendees.

A few thoughts about the ideas shared:

• ** Definitely agree: include a pause for group stretching! We do that in Braver Angels workshops.

• ** Agree: no more than 4-5 per breakout group (pre-planning # of facilitators @ each circle whenever possible)

• ** Great resources in the chat, Janna!

• ** Promotions: How about a request for participants to invite a politically conservative friend or someone who has differing perspectives? 

• ** I like the idea of suggesting an alternative, perhaps less charged 2nd topic for anyone not comfortable or ready to discuss more divisive topics. 

• ** Regarding the comment that political discussions are difficult in the Empathy structured format. Maybe that’s more of an issue about developing the Empathy structure habit / skill. Suggestion: how about considering the possibility of grouping together participants who are unfamiliar with the Empathy Circle structure in a separate breakout room for discussion of low-stakes topics. Could even start the first round w/something silly like preference for mounting toilet paper over or under… or fur baby preference: cats or dogs? You know, just to get the hang of the Empathy structure. 

• ** Echo Janna’s exemption from recording.

• ** My understanding of Braver Angels AND Empathy Center primary focus—listening, acknowledging, understanding others. Problem solving might be a specialized forum for a separate group? 

Thanks for considering.

Kind regards,

Jan

Thank you for the feedback everyone.  

I agreed with the person who expressed a need for movement, and I did my own.  

I think a series of topics that allow us to address specific divides that are part of our National narrative would be interesting. 

I was feeling some aversion to the long intros that I interpreted to include SEI elevator speeches.   I would have preferred better boundaries during that time and a separate dedicated time/space for people to share their resources that relate to our common goal of bridging political divides.  

With care,

Teri McGovern-Nintzel