The Front Steps Christmas Show

The Front Steps Christmas Show

by Trivia Johnny Watson

Editor’s Note: All talents displayed in the following were actually reported in the Canon as displayed by the persons involved.

Something about the holidays brought out the best in the people of Marylebone. Perhaps it was all the talent that their most famous celebrity brought in for his special show day.

Sherlock Holmes threw open his bay window, leaned out, and sang.

“Decoding, decoding, decoding,” Sherlock Holmes serenaded the street from his open bay window. “I’m am decoding these dancing men.”

Vicar Roundhay, Stapleton, Tonga, and even St. Vitus moved in harmony, coming down the street with a choreographed sequence of arm positions and side-step-back-step moves.

“We are the men who daaaaance!” they chorused.

Mr. Garcia of Wisteria Lodge followed behind them, juggling a number of clocks so quickly it was hard to read the time on any of time.

“It’s the Parade!” Jim Browner cheered from the sidewalk.

A pair from the Monmartre district came next, doing a fiery Apache dance, followed by Poncho, the prancing Mormon pony.

“More ponies! More ponies!” Stapleton, now on the sidelines chanted.

In one of the most unexpected turns, all the heroes of Sir Walter Scott’s historical novels came strutting through.

“But . . . but . . . they’re just in a preface!” one astounded onlooker cried out.

The misplaced congratulators began to sing in chorus, and when they were done, the comedy stylings of the three Garridebs took their place in the show.

Norman Neruda came in, as expected, playing Chopin’s “Tra-la-la-lira-lira-lay” on her violin to no one’s surprise. Sherlock Holmes and Charlie Peace joined in with well-played bowing that could best be described as melancholy wailings before calming down to a dreamy, melodious air.

As they came to a close, a great drumming began, with rattling tom-toms and yells and howls, as the Agra rebels appeared. Rachel Howells was in their midst with her stone drum, John Hector McFarlane and Harry Pinner with their door-drums, and Sherlock Holmes joined in with his fingers on the window sill.

A creature somewhat resembling a sheep appeared on top of Camden House across the street, armed with a pair of gigantic horns. It put them to its sheep-like mouth and blew with a bestial force.

The resulting fanfare signalled the

A lavish horse-drawn parade float rolled in, decorated with variously colored moss roses to recreate Reichenbach Falls.

“I sh-ah-ah-ah-allll get level with you,” Moriarty sang, “If it takes me all my life, I shall get level with youuuuuuuuuuuuuu.”

“All . . . my . . . liiiiiiiife,” Sebastian Moran joined in for his part of the duet. “I shall get level, level, level . . .”

“With youuuuuuuuuuuuuu!” Moriarty crooned.

“With youuuuuuuuuuuuuu!” John Ferrier came in on the chorus, and Moriarty pushed him off the side of the float.

Their song went on, and Sherlock Holmes exhausted several wax dummies in his window as the duet was punctuated by a one-air-gun salute in several places, but eventually their song came to an end and the float moved along.

With that, a final chorus of Vermissa Valley miners came out and sang “Good-night! Good-night! Good-night! Good-night!”

And it was.