The Gifts of Suffering: Finding Insight, Compassion, and Reward

By Polly Young-Eisendrath

Newsletter, Vol. 22, No. 4, January 1997

Programme and book review

Lecture: “Suffering and Self-Knowledge,” November 15, 1996.

Workshop: “An Ethic of Suffering,” November 16, 1996.

The Gifts of Suffering: Finding Insight, Compassion, and Reward. By Polly Young-Eisendrath. (Reading, Mass.: Addison-Wesley, Publishing Co., 1996, 259 pages.)

In her book, The Gifts of Suffering, Polly Young-Eisendrath tells the story of an old Chinese sage who always rode his mule backwards. When people asked him, “Why do you ride your mule backwards?” he would respond, “In life it makes no difference where one is going. The destination is unimportant. It is only what one does along the way that is important.” The sage paid little attention to what was happening to him and more attention to his own reactions.

In her lecture, Dr. Young-Eisendrath pointed to the distinction between the pain that will inevitably happen to us in life and over which we may have little control and dukkha, or suffering, which is our discontent, negativity, grumbling, unfocused mind; in other words, our reactions, which can be alleviated or transformed.

Dr. Young-Eisendrath asks the question of how it is that some of us have had to undergo terrible adversities and managed not only to survive, but thrive. After much research into the literature in the area of resilience, she has answered this question by finding that there are two major steps in the process of transforming suffering: first, a self-awareness or awakening that one is suffering, and second, a development of compassion. Like the Chinese sage riding backwards, the resilient pay more attention to their attitudes and reactions and learn to “suffer with” others.

In both her book and lecture (through videotaped interviews), Dr. Young-Eisendrath illustrated how this process may happen through the examples of people who have lived through terrible suffering which they feel in many ways has transformed their lives for the better.

One of these examples is Dan Gottlieb, who survived a terrible car accident that left him quadriplegic at the age of thirty-one. He is now an active psychotherapist and radio show host where he helps thousands of people to see that they are not alone in feeling ashamed, afraid, or angry. Dan Gottlieb feels that the accident has broken his heart and that it cannot be fixed, but it has also given him a purpose in life to connect with all his listeners in a very deep way through his radio show.

In her Saturday workshop, Dr. Young-Eisendrath compared the Buddhist notion of karma with the Jungian concept of psychological complexes. Drawing directly from her book, she explained that the Buddhist notion of karma is distinct from the Hindu ideas of predetermination:

The Buddha stressed that the principle of cause and effect is not predetermined but rather a fluid process of ongoing creation. At any instance, at any moment of reflection, we can change our life and destiny ... The Buddha used the term karma specifically referring to volition, the intention or motive behind an action. He said that the motivation behind the action determines the karmic fruit.

In Jungian thought, a complex is our emotionally charged personal experiences (e.g. with our personal father) collected around an archetype (e.g. the archetype of the father). Our psychological complexes are shaped by our family of origin and then affect our future relationships. Like karma we tend to unconsciously repeat certain habits or patterns of relating based on prior motivations. We transform or transcend this wheel of dysfunction through an ability that Jung called the transcendent function, which is “holding the tension between opposites” and letting “a meaning emerge without prematurely deciding whether a situation is good or bad.” To illustrate the point, Dr. Young-Eisendrath told us a wonderful Chinese story.

One day a farmer lost his horse because it ran off. His neighbours came to console him, saying, “Too bad, too bad.” The farmer responded, “Maybe.” The next day the horse returned, bringing with him seven wild horses. “Oh, how lucky you are!” his neighbours exclaimed. “Maybe,” the man responded. On the following day, when the farmer’s son tried to ride one of their new horses, he was thrown and broke his leg. “How awful!” cried the neighbours. “Maybe,” the farmer answered. The next day soldiers came to conscript the young men of the village, but the farmer’s son wasn’t taken because his leg was broken. “How wonderful for you!” the neighbours said. “Maybe,” said the farmer.

If we allow a space to enter our lives instead of impulsively reacting, perhaps we, like the farmer, may allow a meaning to emerge in our experiences. We may then feel freer and calmer, not needing to judge or try to control the events of our lives. In this way we transcend our complexes.

In her workshop and book, Dr. Young-Eisendrath deals with other important topics such as the similarity between individuation and enlightenment and the evolution of Jung’s thought regarding the concept of the Self and the Buddhist notion of the no-Self. Throughout, Dr. Young-Eisendrath impressed me with her ability to penetrate difficult concepts and the way she explains them to her audience in a fluid, down-to-earth manner.

One topic which she handled in the book but had no time to cover in her workshop is the subject of negative emotions. In her book she clearly describes the major features of shame, guilt, envy, anger, and aggression. I don’t think I have ever read such a succinct and clear description of these difficult and messy emotions. But the true value of her book is its inspiring message written in a clear and conversational tone. It is one of those books that one savors and whose message endures.

–Mary Harsany