Self Care

“Work-Life Balance in our PA ministry”

A summary of issues and suggestion arising from a discussion of this topic

at the APAM Gathering at Spotswood, 20 May 2011

A. Guilt – realising the right to look after self WITHOUT GUILT

We can have problems with being a workaholic, or over-dedicated or controlling. We want things done and done well, which leads to wanting to work long hours.

Things that have helped:

• Take out subscriptions to theatre, concerts etc, so dates and times are set and take priority.

• Make appointments for times that will make you leave work punctually.

• 1:1 Supervision – so you can’t hide and are made to confront workaholic tendencies.

• Take proper ‘r & r’ - you actually achieve more work in a shorter time if you are fresh!

• Plan large holiday breaks to properly relax, not just bits here and there to suit the parish.

• Don’t wait for serious illness to come along to re-evaluate your priorities.

• Believe it’s OK for things not to be as you would have had them.

• Try keeping a log for a week to see what you actually achieve.

B. Wanting to please – the pressure of others’ expectations or misconceptions of your role

People ask and expect you to do all sort of things. Pastoral visiting can get pushed aside for admin tasks.

Things that have helped:

• It’s OK to just say “No” – you owe no excuse to anyone.

• An explanation however might help overcome ignorant assumptions.

• It’s OK to press “Pause”– only a very few things can be done now; many visions are unrealistic.

• Wait for the wave – when parishioners have the desire and energy to do things themselves, not expect you to run it.

• Explore your leadership style – move between leading and encouraging/empowering others to lead.

• Be smart – your parish doesn’t have to run it; organise transport to things in nearby parishes instead (has the added advantage of encouraging outreach and overcoming parochialism).

• You need not finish everything - at the end of the day leave a ‘to do’ list for the next day.

• Don’t do emails first thing – dealing with them can take over your day.

C. Justice – the need to live and model justice in the workplace

Some priests/Pastoral Councils expect you to do more than you can possibly achieve within your hours. Many part-timers seem expected to do full time extras (meetings, Masses etc).

Things that have helped:

• Clearly state your expectations to the PP – you have as much right to do this as he does.

• Meet with the PP and clearly note down extra duties, e.g. which meetings and services to attend - in proportion to your hours.

• Insist that some work time taken to fraternise is worth the benefits of idea and resource sharing, and emotional support, and is essential to your work

D. Professionalism – the same boundaries/expectations should apply as to other professions

Many PAs work alone with the priest, and can feel isolation, especially in rural areas. Working in your own parish can be especially difficult (like a ‘family business’ - ‘living above the shop’ – being ‘on call’).

Things that have helped:

• Believe your professional activities are integral to your professional role (like school Principals’ meetings!)

• Prioritise time to fraternise – APA Gatherings or small local get-togethers.

• Ring a few local PAs and arrange to meet over lunch or coffee. Or form a deanery PA group.

• Realise you gather with other PAs not just to receive but to GIVE, and to support your profession as a whole.

• Sometimes involving spouse (and children?) in your work gives more time together. Sometimes it’s best to separate family and work. Draw boundaries to respect your family, not please others.

Often we need support to put suggestions into practice or sort out which suggestions we might suitably apply to ourselves.

Don't wait until you are overburdened with anxiety and overwork before seeking someone to talk to about it.

Remember that the Outreach & Mentoring group members are available to talk to if that might be helpful.