Geraldine's Summer Vacation
For Uncle Bruce
When it gets to be a million bajillion degrees out
it becomes what is called summer vacation.
We do not go to school.
We go to Wisconsin.
We go to visit our Uncle Bruce,
who is called The UB,
at his cabin on the St. Croix River.
At the cabin we all have nicknames.
Andrew is The Andymeister.
Cha Cha is The Cha.
I am Slickaput, which is Swedish for pointer finger.
At the cabin there are a lot of Daddy Long Legs and a snake who is called Jake The Snake.
I am not afraid of snakes but they eat hamsters and birds for a living which means I don’t get along with Jake The Snake.
We get up early every morning to sit on the porch and listen to the weather radio.
If it is going to rain then The UB will take us hunting for razzlefundazzle berries or pioneer graveyards.
Otherwise he has to go to Minnesota and water the sod.
We help him pack his lunch which is peanut butter banana sandwiches and a pickle.
We chase his car until it gets to the hill which is the steepest hill in the world.
We can’t run up the hill so we go to the beach instead.
The sand is as hot as lava and we run all higglety pigglety as fast as we can to the river.
We don’t wear flip flops because The UB says you gotta be tough.
All day we do flips in the river while my mom reads a book on the beach.
She does NOT like getting wet.
My dad mostly rides around on his windsurfer all day.
I took windsurf lessons once when we were in Hawaii.
I didn’t fall a single time because there are eels in the ocean.
My dad says there aren’t eels in the St. Croix, but you never know what's swimming around out in the middle of the river.
When The UB gets home we all march into the river together.
We say “One chakalakalaka, two chakalakalaka, three chakalakalaka jump!” and jump in.
When we come up for air we are soaking wet and The UB says “Just like ice tea!” because the water is as cold as ice tea.
We practice doing the dead man’s float and swimming.
The UB does the butterfly.
The Cha does the doggy paddle.
I do my own special swim that I invented myself.
The Andymeister has to stay back on the beach with my mom because he is the baby.
We swim out to the raft to practice diving.
I can dive in face first without a splash because I am the oldest.
The Cha does a bellyflop because that is what she does best.
The UB does a cannonball so we can bounce up and down in the waves.
Sometimes we put on life preservers and go out in the junker sailboat for a ride but tonight we are having a campfire so we have to collect sticks instead.
I rake out the sand and put the rocks in a circle and build an eensy weensy teepee out of sticks.
I am famous for lighting a campfire in only one match because I take after my mom who was a girl scout back in the olden days.
We cook tofu dogs on sticks and have sweet corn on the cob with lots of butter and fresh tomatoes from the garden with salt.
For dessert we roast marshmallows.
My mom likes to toast hers all golden brown, but they take forever and don’t even put curly hair on your chest.
When the sun sets we all go for a walk down to the end of Catfish Bar.
The Cha and The Andymeister and my dad like to look at the houseboats all tied up.
The UB likes to count the hot air balloons in the sky.
My mom likes to look for broken glass because she has a broken glass collection.
I like to look for agates because I have an agate collection.
I have collected about infinity of them because I am the best agate collector on the St. Croix River.
When it is dark me and the UB get out the binoculars so we can see the constellations and shooting stars up close. When we see a shooting star we get to make a wish but we have to keep it a secret or else it won’t come true.
When the mosquitoes start to eat us for dinner it is time to go back to the cabin and dunk our feet in the water bucket by the steps because they are all covered in sand and sandy feet are not allowed inside.
Then I say good night because it is time for the grown-ups to watch baseball and the kids to go to sleep.
The End.
©2008 Hillary Swanson. All rights reserved.