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. . .it's important to me that couples recognize that the wedding ceremony and marriage—though two related events—are distinct. Assisting in the preparing of couples for both wedding and marriage is a responsibility I take seriously.
That couples receive the greatest attention in assisting them to prepare for both is of the utmost importance to me.
The two-fold dimension of the preparation of couples is important to me because, while their wedding lasts a few hours, and is a joyous social event,
it is also a solemn event that initiates a life-long commitment of intimacy leading to the establishment of family.The wedding of a couple, then, is an event in which their invited family, friends—and I as well, in an official capacity—are witnesses. Though the wedding celebration comes to an end and is kept as a beautiful memory, a couple’s marriage continues for a life-time, creating memories and stories that will be handed down to following generations.
Generally, I’ve found that, after meeting once with a couple, we have had sufficient time to feel comfortable with one another and can be sure we are a "fit." This makes possible my assistance to them in preparing their ceremony with their input and final approval. After the initial meeting, further communication is usually completed by email.
And though meeting again may take valuable time which couples find is at a premium, I make myself available to them if they would like further face-to-face meetings to discuss their plans. The feeling at ease with one another also creates a basis for choosing the option of completing a pre-marriage FOCCUS survey. The FOCCUS© Pre-Marriage Inventory is a comprehensive, user-friendly tool for use by lay individuals, couples or professionals who are helping couples prepare for marriage, and who become trained as FOCCUS Facilitators.This Inventory is designed to help engaged couples appreciate their unique relationship, learn more about themselves, and discuss topics important to their lifelong marriage. A link to the FOCCUS website is found below under "F. Resources Helpful in Your Process of Preparation." A follow-up meeting needs to be planned to allow for a review of the results of the FOCCUS Survey.
So that couples are aware of the process needed to adequately prepare for the special life-event their wedding is, I invite them to consider this preparation format for a meeting:
1st Step: Getting Acquainted
A. Some questions for you:
1. How'd you meet?
- How would you describe your proposal?
2. What's your greatest wish for your fiancé?
3. What do you need from your future partner in this marriage?
4. How do you envision your wedding ceremony? the reception?
5. How do you envision your marriage? What kind of marriage do you want to create?
-First Year?
-Fifth Year?
-Tenth Year?
B. Who is Jack Wentland? -- a bit of history [a short bit is included on this site at About Jack Wentland
C. Review of services you can expect from me: also found at Diverse Services You Can Expect and Usual Stipend Offered
D. The reason for the Stipend offered for these services
E. Your Questions
F. Resources Offered as a Help in Your Process of Preparation
1. Uniquely Yours Resource CD--containing, along with texts of readings and prayers, a suggested ceremony template for planning your wedding ceremony
2. FOCCUS (Facilitating Open Couple Communication, Understanding and Study): An Instrument for Marriage Preparation. Further information about this valuable pre-marriage survey is available at FOCCUS
3. A Marriage in the Lord - this publication is a valuable self-help resource prepared by couples and clergy in a marriage preparation workbook offering couples the opportunity to deepen their dialogue through sharing thoughts on a variety of topics related to married life—a dialogue that can add dimension to a lifelong, happy, healthy and holy marriage. This marriage preparation workbook has been used by over 600,000 couples. The self-help format of the exercises and information in this booklet make it easy to use. This is my gift to couples as they prepare for both wedding and marriage.
The 2nd and 3rd steps of the process of creating the wedding ceremony are most often completed conveniently by email. They are listed here to make clear that further meetings can be arranged if a couple wishes.
The 4th Step is part of the agreement we make and includes some important details.
2nd Step: Planning the Ceremony and Preparing for Marriage:
- Choices of texts for your ceremony are discussed and chosen.
- Your listing of the names of family members of the wedding party and bridesmaids and groomsmen
- Optional if FOCCUS is chosen: review of responses.
3rd Step: Finalizing Your Preparations for your Celebration and for Life
- Final Details to be completed by meeting so that I can smoothly conduct your
rehearsal for you.
4th Step: Rehearsal: Some Important Details to Communicate
- Rehearsal Meal or Dinner? Where? The mutual agreement we make includes that I will be present to lead the wedding party through the rehearsal relieving couples of having to tell their wedding party what they want them to do.
- Table and Microphone? If couples choose to have the Unity Candle or Sand Ceremony, they are asked to see that there is a table upon which to place the candle. The wedding venue usually provides this. And for readers during your ceremony, it's important that there is an amplifier system so that everyone will hear the readings couples have so carefully chosen. Moreover, the family and guests of bride and groom want to hear their vows to one another.
- The Marriage License must be given to me at the rehearsal
- The Envelope with final stipend is best offered at the rehearsal to lighten the concerns a couple has for completing details that can distract from the festivities of the wedding reception. This avoids the need to "do business" during the fun-time of the wedding reception.
According to wedding etiquette, the officiant/presider/minister and guest is mailed an invitation to the wedding and reception, leaving it to them to accept or decline remaining to take part in the dinner. Beyond following the etiquette, most couples, because they feel a special connection to the minister of their wedding, find it makes sense to include the officiant and a guest among those receiving a formal mailed invitation to take part in their wedding reception. While I don't expect couples to invite us, my Mary and I always see the invitation to take part in the wedding reception as a wonderful way for us to share in celebrating the couples joy at their wedding.
Create Your Ceremony
Once we've met and have completed a signed agreement, couples and I are ready to begin working together on planning their wedding ceremony. The process for doing that begins with Creating a Uniquely Yours Ceremony
Many couples have found the Uniquely Yours Wedding Resource CD a valuable tool for wedding/marriage planning. There are many other sources found on the Internet, of course. One many have found useful was created by a daughter-father team and is found at The First Dance
Couples are invited to contact me with any questions they may have about the steps of the process of having me as their presider, about the services offered by Uniquely Yours Marriage Preparation and Wedding Ceremony Celebration or about setting an appointment:
John P. Wentland
348 Spring Street Ext.
Glastonbury, CT 06033
860-888-2502
Kristin and John
Many couples, like Kristin and John, meet to chat about their marriage and ceremony preparations over a year before their wedding date.
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