My Literacy Sponsor

When you look back into the past can you think of a time when someone or something made an impact on your life? The experience could be good or bad, but it is distinct and you can still picture that situation in your head today. Looking back into my past, one experience that sticks out the most to me is when I was in second grade. My teacher told my parents and me that I had a reading disability. It was a life a changing event for me, and my teacher’s assumptions affected my literacy in a negative way.

One day after school, my teacher had my parents come in, so we could talk about my progress in school. She told them I had a reading disability, and my parents were shocked because I got good grades in school and they did not see a problem. Now I agree I was not the best reader or writer, but for a second grader I was not terrible. I had harder time with reading compared to any other subject, but it did not mean I had a disability. As a child, I was insulted and my feelings were hurt. But looking back on the situation now, I do not think I actually had a reading disability. 

As a little kid, you believe everything you hear. So, I believed what my teacher said about me having a reading disability, and it started to have short term effects on me. From that day on I was intimidated by reading, and when it came to that subject I always had the feeling that I was never good enough. I was terrified to participate in class and take tests because I knew I was going to get criticized. I did my best to try and hide from the subject. At the time, I did not realize it was better to face my problems head on than to hide from them. I can remember nights when I would have reading homework, but I would bawl my eyes out instead of completing it. My mom saw how I was reacting to what my teacher had said, and she did not want things to get any worse. She was determined to not let this one teacher ruin reading for me. Each night she would read me books to try and prove that reading was not so bad after all. I enjoyed her reading to me, and I loved the Junie B. Jones books she read to me. Still I felt like there was a difference when I was reading with my mom versus when I was reading and answering questions by myself. I was not a fan of doing my work alone.

Gradually a hatred for the subject grew and continued to grow throughout my high school years of school. In high school, I took the easy way out by always taking the less advanced English classes. When I had a reading assignment, I would find a book with the least number of pages and would write the bare minimum. I would never exceed expectations. For example, if I had an assignment that was a one page minimum, I was the person that wrote exactly one page. I also found speaking in front of big groups of people terrifying, but that has not changed. I still struggle speaking in front of people. Whether I am presenting a project, or just reading an excerpt from a book, I find the situation unbearable. I imagine it is all in my head, but I psych myself out and get extremely nervous to speak. I get scared I am going to mess up or not be able to pronounce words the correct way. Most of the time I try to practice reading the passage in my head to decide if I can read it aloud. I try to find the shorter passages, and steer clear of passages that have words that could trip me up as I am reading. Sometimes I even tend to stutter because I get myself so worked up.

English is not the only class that makes me feel like this, I also struggle in Spanish. In Spanish class, we do a lot of reading from the book and speaking aloud. When we read from the book, I tend to get stuck on words that I am uncertain how to pronounce, and the teacher will have to help me say them. She also gives points for participation, but I struggle participating in class because I am afraid I will pronounce the words wrong. She says it is okay if we do not say something correctly, but I personally find it embarrassing. I think that speaking English in front of people is hard, so Spanish is a new level of stress for me. It is a whole other language with different pronunciations. If I cannot pronounce English correctly, how am I going to speak a Spanish correctly.  

There were multiple negative effects that spiraled from my teacher’s assumptions many years ago that still continue to affect my literacy today. In high school, I took the easy way out and never really tried. I did the bare minimum when it came to writing because I already knew my papers were bad so why even try. When I was reading the Excerpt from Bootstraps: From an American Academic of Color in Writing About Writing, Victor Villanueva reminded me of myself in some ways. In the passage, Victor talks about his struggle of feeling like he was not good enough and lost. For example, when Victor transitioned from the Community College to the University he was lost. He failed French, “unable to carry the French conversations, unable to do the readings, unable to do the writing” (120). But unlike me, Victor did not want to give up, so he worked harder. I never pushed myself to get better because I figured since I took the easy way out no one would care what I was talking about. Also, Victor talks about his struggle in finding inspiration to write his assignments. Victor would, “gather pen and pad, and stare” (119). I can relate to his struggle, because I find myself hitting a lot of roadblocks as well. Sometimes I think I cannot find inspiration because I hate English and do not care to put the effort in, but other times I think I just have a hard time making a connection with the topic. 

To this day, English is one of my least favorite subjects and I do not think this is going to change anytime soon. I believe my 2nd grade teacher had a huge impact on my feelings towards the subject and my literacy. Being told I had a reading disability was not an easy thing to hear. It has had many effects on me, including some that still affect me today, but I am not going to let it hold me back. I will try to give English and writing another chance. 

Work Cited

Victor, Villanueva. “Excerpt from Bootstraps: From an American Academic of Color.” Writing about Writing: A College Reader, edited by Elizabeth Wardle and Doug Downs, 3rd ed., Bedford/St. Martin’s, 2017, pp. 116-129.