Emotions are very complex. They are not just made up of how you feel but also include physical sensations, thoughts, urges and behaviours.

REASONING SELF

This refers to the self when we are thinking logically or factually about thing. Thinking from this prespective generally, there aren't very many emotions involved. If you are feeling emotions they are quiet ones. For example:

• sitting in math class trying to work out a problem

• first day of school, trying to figure out where your locker is

EMOTIONAL SELF

The opposite of reasoning self, your emotions are so intense that they control how you act; your react form the urges the emotions create in you rather than choosing how to act in a situation. For example:

• you are really angry and you lash out at the people that care about you

• you are feeling anxious about a party you wanted to go to so you stay home instead

WISE SELF

This is a combination of your reasoning with yoru emotions so that netiher mode of thinking is controlling you and you are able to consider the consequences of your actions and act in your own best interest. Have you ever found yourself in a situation that might have felt difficult, but you just knew what you had to do? For example:

• you get angry with your parents about curfew, but you stop arguing because you know they could say you can't go out at all.

• you wake up feeling exhausted and depressed, but you get out of bed because you know you will feel better if you do.

Lesson Part 1: Reasoning, Emotional or Wise Self?

Material

• Reasoning, Emotional, or Wise Self Worksheet

• Large Flip Chart Paper

• Markers

How?

1. Play the video on why do we lose control of our emotions and talk about the "hand model" (Dan Siegel's Flip your Lid) in terms of the definitions of reasoning self, emotional self and wise self.

2. Hand out the worksheet for students to work individually or with a partner.

3. Once they are completed and have talked about a few as a class. Brainstorm some everyday situations and talk about which self did they use in situation. Use the flip paper to record their examples. Label a Reasoning Self, Emotional Self and a Wise Self.

Reducing Your Painful Emotions

Three skills that help when emotions get really intense are: reducing judgments, accepting emotions and accepting reality. These skills can actually help reduce the intensity of the emotional pain we experience.

Reducing Judgment

Have you every noticed that when you are angry, frustrated, hurt and so on you have a tendency to judge whoever (or whatever) is triggering these painful emotions for you? For example: when you get a low grade on a project you worked really hard on, in your mind you call your teacher a name "jerk" or ever worse you think how "stupid" you are.

What Does Being Nonjudgmental mean?

Judgments are not facts by shorthand labels that don't provide helpful information. One reason judgments are not helpful is because they do not provide us with much infomration.

For example, you get mad at a friend because they are not listening to what you are trying to tell them. He/She/They keep talking over you and finally you fed up and tell he/she/they are being a jerk. But you are not clear about why you think they are a jerk and you are not telling your friend what they could do differently. No feedback is provided. In fact in may even get worse because your friend may be angry at you.

Alternative to the "Jerk": A non judgmental statement--you are sticking to the facts of the situation while expressing your opinion and feelings about what's going on. For example: You could tell your friend you are feeling frustrated because it doesn't seem like they are listening to what you are saying.

Judgmental statements are a short way of saying something, we tend to just stick a label on something rather than saying what we really mean. Being nonjudgmental is the opposite; it is a clear, assertive way of communicating.

Back to the Teacher Example

The word "jerk" is the judgment. To be nonjudgmental, you might say ," I am so angry at my teacher for giving me this grade. I worked really hard on that project, and I believe I deserve more than C+."

You clearly specify what you mean and you stick to the facts of situation while expressing your feelings and opinions about it.

This is a very tough skill to learn.

When are Judgments Necessary?

Judging tends to create more pain for us. But in fact sometimes judgments are necessary. If you are crossing the road and the red hand starts flashing, you have to decide whether to cointure walking. This is a safe or not safe judgment. Similarly, grocery shopping in the produce section, is the produce "good" or "bad"; these are judgement calls. The difference is there is no painful emotion triggered.

We want to reduce the judgments that trigger more emotions. In other words, if you are not in an emotional situation (like having an argument with someone), but you suddenly start to feel angry, hurt, bitter, frustrated or another painful emotion, this is a good indicator that you might be judging.

Lesson Part 2: Judgments vs Nonjudgments

Material

• Judgment vs. Nonjudgment Practice Sheet

How?

Reach each of the statements. Have a discussion whether each statement is judgmental or nonjudgmental.

Lesson Part 3: Adding Fuel to the Fire

Introduction

Judgments are common in our society. We hear them all the time so we get into the habit of thinking or saying them often as well. Judgments are unhelpful. They do not make us feel better, and quite often, increase the amount of pain we are experiencing. Think of emotion as a fire and the judgment as fuel--every time you judge, out loud or just in your thoughts, you are adding fuel to the fire of your emotions.

Materials

• Adding Fuel to the Fire Worksheet

• Flipchart paper

• Markers

How?

1. Allow students to work individually on worksheet

2. Debrief where students share out judgments they make and change them to nonjudgmental statements.

3. Write on flipchart paper for a record.

Lesson Part 4: Bringing it All Together

Material

• Coping Strategy Worksheets

How?

These worksheets are used to help students to have a tool to work through Emotions, Thoughts, Body Signs and Strategies.

Start on a Monday and have students fill out one per day for a week or one per week for a month.