Show your child what feelings look like

Get a poster, or draw one with your child, of faces with different emotions. Ask your child to identify one of the emotions on the poster and when your child last felt this way and why. Ask them how they're feeling now and why your child feels that way. This will increase their vocabulary while also helping them more accurately identify their emotions.

Help your child identify the feelings of others

Take opportunities every day to help your child identify the feelings of others. How does their face look when your child feels that way? Pointing out emotions in others is a good way to help your child begin to understand those feelings in herself. Teacher Clare Morrison suggests also asking, “Show me what happy looks like for you,” and, “What does sad look like to you?” By making a facial expression, your child is better able to connect the emotion to their own body language.

Point out feelings using family pictures

Many young children like to look at family photos. Take the opportunity to talk about emotions that family members are feeling. For example, wedding photos will be filled with happy people. Point out their smiles and their expressions. This could be a good opportunity to point out that someone who is crying isn’t always sad. In some cases, it can mean someone is very happy.

Talk about your child's emotions as she's having them

For example, if your child seems angry or frustrated, teacher Clare Morrison suggests saying, “I noticed your eyebrows are closer together and your arms are folded. Tell me how you’re feeling right now.” By prompting your child to talk about their feelings as they're having them, you can help them identify their feelings. Try not to label their emotion for them by saying, “You look mad” or “You look sad.” Instead, let them give a name for the way they are feeling as your child begins to connect their body language to an emotion.

Help your child recognize her strengths

When a child shows interest in an activity or topic, it is often because they have a strength related to it. One of the best ways to help your child understand and value their strengths is to encourage their ideas and interests. You can begin to do this by asking what your child likes or noting a topic your child talks a great deal about. Nurture their interest by finding related activities. For example, you can both take part in volunteering at an animal shelter if they're interested in cats. Whatever the activity may be, by encouraging your child’s interests, you are helping to define and enhance their strengths and build their confidence.

Be an example of good self-management

Most parents have moments when they are upset. At these times, tell your family you need a small break to calm down. Take this time to think about how to come back to the situation in a positive manner. Your child will see you taking these steps to calm yourself and will be more likely to use this technique himself. You can also talk with your child as you calm yourself down. Head of St. Louis-based New City School, Tom Hoerr suggest saying things like, “I’m going to take some deep breaths and count one, two, three.” One of the best ways you can teach your child about self-management is to model it yourself.

Identify a place or technique to help your child calm down

Pay attention to your child’s natural calming strategies. For example, they might naturally look for comfort in a pillow or blanket, or they might try to walk away from upsetting situations. Some children may feel better simply by making silly faces or noises until they calm down. Understanding your child’s natural tendencies for calming can help you encourage those behaviors at other times. You can also help identify a special place for him to calm down, and let him choose what to call the space. Some examples could be the “safe place” or the “peace corner.” Teaching your child that it is O.K. to take some time to collect themselves will allow them to take the initiative and do it on their own. It can be best to practice this before your child is upset so that they can return to the technique or space at times when they are upset.

Limit screen time

Try not to give your first-grader a phone, tablet, or another electronic device every time you find yourselves waiting for a doctor’s appointment, picking up a sibling from school, or waiting for food to arrive in a restaurant. There’s value for your child in learning to control themselves in situations where he’s not entertained.

Make routines into an art project

On a large piece of paper or dry-erase board, work with your child to outline getting ready for bed or school. You can cut pictures out of magazines, like toothbrushes or backpacks, to add to the paper. Map out what is done first and what is done last. Do you start with brushing teeth and then getting dressed? Clearly labeling what is expected of your child helps them act accordingly. They will likely need reminding and reinforcing at times, but showing him what is expected is a good place to start. If your child has difficulty with routines, try breaking them into smaller steps.

Try role-playing with your child

For example, play grocery store and have him pretend to be the cashier. As your child pretends, they are learning self-management by acting like the cashier. Instead of doing something they might have a sudden urge to do, like pet the family dog, your child continues to scan your pretend groceries.

Discuss situations that occur in everyday life

Take a conversation you had with a friend, family member, or clerk at the supermarket that your child has witnessed and ask them to point out the language, body language, and facial expressions that were exchanged. You can also role-play with their stuffed animals or favorite toys to show what your child would have done in that situation. Even though your child was present when you had this exchange, it’s always a good idea to ask them what they think happened, how people felt, and how your child could tell this, before you provide your own interpretation of the situation.

Play a game of "feelings charades"

A good way to teach your child about body language, emotions, and empathy is to have their play a game of “feelings charades.” You can use flashcards with different faces, or even write emotions or behaviors that hurt others on pieces of paper and let your child pick one out of a hat. Take turns acting out the way a person would be feeling with either the emotion that’s on the paper or the face that’s on the card. This will help start discussions on topics that a child this age might be reluctant to talk about otherwise.

Observe the behavior of pets

If you have pets, you can also use them to help teach your child about social awareness. A dog or a cat, for example, will behave in specific ways when it is feeling happy, angry, playful, or tired. Point out these behaviors to your child as they appear, and explain to them how these emotions are similar to those experienced by the people around her.

Teach your child about personal space

Be specific when you are talking about what’s appropriate and what’s not, and provide them with visual cues. For example, you can have them stretch out their arms and explain that this is their personal space and that your child should provide other children with that much space when interacting with them. Remind them that when your child gets too close to another person or touches them, they might react negatively. You can also use stuffed animals or action figures to act out what’s appropriate and what is not.

Your child learns a lot from you, so be a good example

Think about how you interact with your family and friends, and how you make and keep friends. Is your behavior setting a good example for your child? Are there certain relationships or areas that you can work on? Evaluating your own relationship skills is a crucial step in teaching your child about social management, and by being reflective, responsive and supportive, you are helping to nurture your child’s sense of social and emotional well-being.

Cook with your child

Ask your child to help make their favorite dish by following your directions, one at a time. Make sure to say “please” and “thank you” and acknowledge all of their efforts. This will not only help them learn about the art of listening, but teach them about the importance of being polite to others, especially while working on group projects.

Always take time to talk with your child about her day and interests

Don’t be satisfied with one-word answers. Often, parents have a lot on their plate and are happy to keep discussions brief, but children need practice in expressing themselves clearly and completely. Make sure to point out when your child says something that is thoughtful or when your child uses their language skills appropriately. For example, when your child says something kind about others, like, “Sally was nice to me today because your child shared their snacks with me,” or if your child poses a good question during your conversation, “Can I take some snacks to share with Sally tomorrow?” When your child asks something that is not related to what you are talking about or not clearly expressed, help their stay within the conversation.

Work with your child to find solutions to interpersonal problems

A helpful approach is to ask good questions about what your child thinks your child should do in any situation, and what the consequences of their particular solution will be. For example, if they are having a hard time with a classmate, you can say, “If your friend doesn’t want to play with you, you might want to ask their if you did anything to hurt their feelings. Do you think you should say sorry? If you say sorry, your child might feel better. If your child did something to you, maybe you can ask their why your child did that.” You may not be around to solve any difficulties that occur, and it is better to start helping your child build this essential skill when they are young and problems are less serious.

Talk to your child about friendships

Ask your child who their friends are, and then ask them about the qualities that your child looks for in a friend and how your child likes their friends to treat her. For example, ask her, “Why do you like to play with Jamal after school? What makes him a good friend?” Make sure to ask their about qualities that your child doesn’t like, and what makes them a good friend to others. For example, “Has Shannon ever said anything that made you feel sad?”

Show your child that you'll always love and support her

Adults and children make bad choices at times, and supporting your child through hard decisions and poor choices shows you love them unconditionally. Of course, you want to point out that some choices are not acceptable, but if your child makes the same mistake again, make sure to reinforce you still love her. You can also help them make up for those mistakes. Did your child hurt a friend? Have their write an apology note and ask for forgiveness.

Give your child room to make decisions on her own

Some decisions like which book to read at bedtime or whether your child wants carrots or sweet potatoes with dinner are not big choices for you, but allowing them the choice will make them feel more involved and give their more autonomy. Also give their room to make decisions even if your child doesn’t make a choice you agree with, as long as the consequences don’t affect their health or safety. For example, if your child wants to take their allowance to school, let them make that choice. If your child ends up losing a few dollars or coins at recess, your child will likely feel bad about it and learn that it wasn’t a good idea. Letting children learn from their own mistakes is a great teaching opportunity that they will likely remember longer than if you had simply said “no” from the beginning.

Talk to your child about consequences

This can help give their tools your child can use to make their own decisions in the future. Ask them questions like, “What do you think will happen if we don’t wear our coats outside today?” or, “If you don’t go to sleep on time, what do you think you’ll be like at school tomorrow?” or, “How do you think your sister will feel if you play with their favorite toy without asking?” Taking another person’s perspective enhances the quality of your child’s decision-making because in order for your child to make the best decision your child must be able to understand how it will affect others. Learning that there are consequences for actions that affect your child and others is a good way to promote empathy and responsible decision-making.

Use bedtime stories to talk about responsible decisions

Books that center on characters that have to make decisions, like the "Berenstain Bears" series, are a great option. Pause when the characters get to the problem. Ask your child what your child thinks the bears should do, and what your child thinks will happen. Talk about the problem as you’re reading, using terms like, “How would you solve this problem?” or, “What is the problem again?” and “What should Sister Bear do now?” This is a great opportunity to ask your child about the problems they have faced recently and how they were able to solve them.

Explain to your child that different rules apply in different settings

For example, inside or quiet voices need to be used in places like libraries and movie theaters, but cheering or loud yelling can be appropriate when watching sports or playing them. This allows your child to understand the differences in situations that can impact their decision-making.

Talk about a decision you are currently making

For example, you could focus on things like what you’re planning to buy at the grocery store. Talk through your plans for making dinners, what ingredients you think you’ll need, and why you’ll choose what you will. Why are you going to make tacos instead of pasta? What are the health implications of the items you’re buying and why do you choose them? Are you trying to make sure everyone in the family has something they like to eat this week? Maybe you’ve decided to make pancakes for dinner one night for a change of pace, or you’re planning to put broccoli in the mac and cheese to get a vegetable into the mix. This gives an opportunity for your child to see the decision-making process in action and understand that even simple decisions like what brand of tomato sauce to buy have reasoning behind them. Alternatively, you may make a choice that doesn’t have reasoning behind it, like choosing a sweet potato over a plain potato. Letting your child see that some decisions can’t be explained will be a comfort at this young age when your child is likely unable to give a reason behind most of their decisions.