When I recently interviewed 40 managers and asked them what they wished they had known when they first started managing, one of the most common answers I got was “I wish I had known what the job actually entails”.  New managers are frequently surprised when management is not at all what they expected.  And sometimes, too late, they realize that it is not a job that they actually want to do.

This shouldn’t be surprising.  In popular media, just about every boss is dysfunctional.  They are unreasonable shouting tyrants who are ready to fire you at the first sign of error, corporate drones who treat people like disposable objects, clueless idiots who only succeed thanks to the hard work of their ill-treated employees, or slick conniving charlatans who steal credit for the work of their staff and play people off one another.  A competent, empathetic manager simply doesn’t make for interesting comedy or drama.  So many people don’t see what good management looks like.  And sadly, some never experience good management themselves.

If you are thinking of moving from an individual contributor role to a people manager role, you should know what you are getting into.  It may not be what you think.  Here are some common early misconceptions I heard, and the facts:

Misconception:  People management is just a little extra responsibility on top of your existing job. 

The truth:  People management is a completely different job, with different skill requirements.  When you become a manager, you need to give up your old job and focus on your new responsibilities.  You need to step back and give your staff the opportunity and autonomy to step up into those jobs you used to do and to gain the skills and confidence they need to grow.  If you try to keep doing your old job, or controlling how it’s being done, you will become the hated micromanager.

“You have to let go of ‘this is how I would do it’” one manager told me.  “Instead you need to ensure your people have a clear understanding of what needs to be done.”

So what are these new responsibilities?  The main responsibility of a manager is to make sure your team is healthy, productive, and growing in capacity.  It’s to think strategically about the best way to deploy the resources you have – staff, budget, and time -- to help the organization succeed.  If you are still doing your old job, you won’t have time for this, and you won't grow as a manager.

Some of the managers interviewed were dismayed at how their new management position separated them from work that they were passionate about, in fields from programming to design to creating art.  Some of them went on to love and excel at being managers, while others moved themselves back into Individual Contributor positions after a few months or years with no regrets.

Misconception:  The manager’s job is to tell their staff what to do, and their staff’s job is to jump to it.

The truth:  Leadership isn’t about ruling over people.  While there is a place for “authoritative/directive” leadership (mostly in emergencies, or when helping employees learn how to do new things), what employees need from you most of the time is context and clarity about goals and what’s going on in the larger company, plus the resources and autonomy to do their jobs.  They already have the know-how.

Being a people manager is more like being a gardener than a dictator.  You can’t grow more tomatoes by punishing or yelling at the plants.  Good gardeners create the environment for success:  they ensure that the soil is moist and aerated and the right acidity.  They select the right plants, plant them in a sunny location, properly spaced, then protect them from pests and weeds.  Each plant is treated differently according to its own needs.  If you take care of your garden, it will produce for you.

In the same way, people management is fundamentally a service position.  You are enabling a team.  You need to understand the individuals on your staff, set them up for success, and clear away obstacles.  Like growing crops, it's not as easy as it looks.

Misconception:  If a person is really good at their job, they’ll be good at managing people doing the same job.

The truth:  The specific job skills you developed as an individual contributor inform your work as a manager, but they are not the work.  When you start managing people, no matter how experienced you are at your previous role, you are still a beginner at managing, so it’s best to have an open mindset.  Read books.  Get training if it is available.  Find a mentor or coach.  Find peer managers you can use as a resource when new situations arise.  (The importance of having a peer network was raised by a number of managers I interviewed.)

The most important skills you need as a manager are human skills – this was another big theme from my research.  Many managers I talked to were initially surprised how much of the job involved dealing with individual people (spoiler:  most of it!).  They had imagined the job would be more technical – more about project and process and technology and less about individual relationships.

The basic “soft skills” – I prefer the term “leadership skills” – include active listening, developing empathy, fostering psychological safety and inclusion, emotional regulation, making space for difficult conversations, and relationship-building.  These are all trainable skills, but few companies provide such training.

If you are in senior management, looking for someone on a team to promote into management, I recommend focusing on the person with the strongest leadership skills, rather than the person with the strongest technical skills.  Who on the team can engender trust, influence other, and be humble and helpful?  And definitely don’t treat a management position as a perk or a reward for productivity – find other ways to incentivize that.

(One other thing to consider: if you are always promoting primarily based on specific technical skills, you are creating barriers for certain kinds of people who might bring valuable diversity of thought to your management teams.)

If you are thinking about becoming a manager,  ask yourself these questions:

1.     Will you miss your current job?  If you are very passionate about what you do, it might be hard for you to stop and watch others do it instead while you manage them.  If you can’t stand when people do things differently than how you would do them, management is probably not for you.  If your current job allows you long stretches of time to get deep into flow, you can say goodbye to that.  And you can assume you will be in many more meetings. 

2.     Do you like working with people?  People management is (surprise!) all about people.  About a third of the managers I interviewed told me that one of the things they had to learn was how to deal with the uniqueness of each person on their staff.  People think differently, need to be approached differently, and are motivated by different things.

As a manager you have to listen actively to you staff, get to know them as individuals, and understand what makes them tick, so you can collaborate with them for success.  If you find people really interesting, that’s great.  If you’d rather be alone all day with your laptop, then this might be a problem.

3.     Are you emotionally courageous?  Good leaders show their humanity to their teams by being vulnerable in front of them, by admitting mistakes and asking for help when they need it.  This is the first step in building trust and psychological safety but it can be scary, especially if you are feeling some imposter syndrome.  As a manager you will sometimes hear things in meetings that you don’t like, but you will have to moderate your own reactions so that your team members will feel that they can speak candidly.  At other times the job may require you to have uncomfortable conversations about someone’s performance, to settle disputes, or to deal with corporate politics. 

I may have made the job of management sound unpleasant, and it does have some uncomfortable moments.  But it can also be deeply rewarding.  When a team comes together in camaraderie, mutual support, inclusion and high productivity; when you support someone growing into and excelling at a new position; when you make your part of the organization a great place to work (unlike just about every job portrayed on television) it can bring a lot of satisfaction.

Is management for you?  Only you can decide that, and you might want to try it before you make up your mind.  But at least you should go in with your eyes open.

More from John  (or follow his RSS Feed )

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