Talking about

Violence

Talking to Children about School Shootings

Create space to talk about what you and your students are feeling. Young people may not know how to respond and will be looking for your guidance
Affirm their feelings. It’s okay to express feelings honestly. Tolerate their expressions, rather than dismissing them or discouraging the expression of feelings
Affirm that their reaction is normal and you understand the way they feel
Watch for signs of trouble such as aggression, withdrawal, etc.
Help your students return to as normal of a routine as possible

Talking to Children about the Shooting (The National Child Traumatic Stress Network)

Talking to Children About Violence: Tips for Parents and Teachers (National Association of School Psychologists)

Managing your distress in the aftermath of a shooting (American Psychological Association)

Coping in the aftermath of a shooting (American Counseling Association)

Explaining the News to our Kids - Common Sense Media

Talking to Children about War

The resources below are neither meant to be exhaustive nor is their inclusion an endorsement of a particular viewpoint.

For All Ages
How to Talk to Kids About Violence, Crime, and War: Common Sense Media gathers tips and conversation starters to help you talk to kids of different ages about the toughest topics.

Resources for Educators, Families, to discuss the events in Israel and Gaza with Students- San Diego County Office of Education

Talking to Your Kids About War: VeryWell Family explores ways families can speak with young people about war, including tips on sharing information and restricting media coverage

For Elementary School Students
Resilience in a time of war: Tips for parents and teachers of elementary school children: This article from the American Psychological Association can help adults guide their young children beyond fear and to resilience.

Talking to Children about Violence: Tips for Families and Educators (Nat’l Assoc. Of School Psychologists)

How to Talk to Children about Conflict and War (UNICEF)

How to Talk to Kids about Violence, Crime and War (Common Sense Media

Helping your Students Cope with a Violent World (Edutopia)

How to Talk to Kids about What’s Happening in Israel Right Now (Kveller)

For Middle School Students
Resilience in a time of war: Tips for parents and teachers of middle school children: The American Psychological Association provides tips and strategies for parents and teachers of middle school-aged children.

For High School Students
Resilience in a time of war: Tips for parents and teachers of teens: The American Psychological Association provides tips and strategies for parents and teachers of teens.

Teen Esteem Tips for talking about Violence in the News

Tips for Kids age 7 and under:

Keep the news away. Keep the news out of range of young eyes that can be frightened by the pictures and videos (kids may respond strongly to images of other kids who are in danger). Remember that news comes through a variety of platforms and sources, from pop-up notifications on your phone to your kids' favorite YouTuber. Preschool kids don't need to see or hear about something that will only scare them silly, especially because they can easily confuse facts with fantasies or fears.

Tell them that your family is safe, loved, and valued. At this age, kids are most worried about safety and separation from you. It's important to help them feel safe and cope with their feelings, even during troubling times. Try not to downplay their concerns and fears. Reassure your kids by explaining all the ways they can find protection and help, like reaching out to family and loved ones. If the news event happened far away, you can mention the distance to comfort them.

Be together. Though it's important to listen and not belittle their fears, distraction and physical comfort can go a long way. For younger kids, watching something cheery or doing something together may be more effective than logical explanations.

Tips for Kids age 8-12:

Carefully consider your child's maturity and temperament. Many kids can handle a discussion of threatening events, but if your kids tend toward the sensitive side, be sure to keep them away from overexposure to the news. Repetitive images and stories can make dangers appear greater, more widespread, and closer to home. Remember that kids this age are getting news from social media influencers and friends. Simply turning off the official news will not shut them out from current events.

Be available for questions and conversation. At this age, many kids will see the morality of events in stark terms and are in the process of developing their moral beliefs. You may have to explain the basics of prejudice, bias, civil and religious strife, or military conflict. Likewise, providing historical context can clarify that not all incidents are random, and that they're often tied to larger, longer chains of events. This is a good time to ask them what they know, since they'll probably have gotten their information from everywhere but the experts, and you may have to correct the facts.

Talk about—and filter—news coverage. You might explain that even news programs compete for viewers and clicks, which sometimes affects decisions about the content they show. Images online or the TV can be graphic and shocking—for anyone. Monitor where your kids are going online, and consider setting new rules or parental controls if they aren't able to control their curiosity.

Tips for Kids age 13+.

Check in. Since, in many instances, teens will have absorbed the news independently, talking with them can offer great insights into their developing politics and their senses of justice and morality. It will also help you get a sense of what they already know or have learned about the situation from their own social networks. And it will give you the opportunity to throw your own insights into the mix (just don't dismiss theirs, since that will shut down the conversation immediately).

Let teens express themselves. Many teens will feel passionately about events, and may even personalize them if someone they know has been directly affected. They'll also probably be aware that their own lives could be affected by violence. Try to address their concerns without dismissing or minimizing them. If you disagree with media portrayals or influencer perspectives, explain why so your teens can separate the mediums they get news from and the messages conveyed.

It's also important to remember that teens aren't just consuming news on social media platforms like TikTok and YouTube, they're also expressing their own views and opinions on current events. Talk to them about ways they can express themselves safely and responsibly.

Additional Resources:

For more information on how to talk to your kids about a recent tragedy, please visit the National Association of School Psychologists.