Throughout my years in PUSD I have worked with many students and parents of students who identify as transgender, non-binary, gender non-comforming, and gender fluid. While there is a larger support system in place for students in the older grades, most families I have worked with at the elementary level have found their support in online communities or in the community at large. I have created a space to connect families more locally, down the street or across town as well. Some elementary students and families don't see themselves in others walking around our elementary campuses. Let's fix that. I run a group/workshop I call "Allies for Student Success" comprised of parents and students from all of our nine elementary schools. If you feel this may be a good fit... reach out to me! 

It’s never too early to talk with children about gender. Kids are attuned to gender, and receive social messages about gender all the time. Clothes, colors, sports and hairstyles, as well as behavioral and friendship expectations, all tell kids that boy vs. girl determines a lot about them. Yet children are also generally more playful, tolerant and open-minded than adults. Most kids are use to the idea of playing a male or female character in a role play, and it doesn’t faze them when they learn that for some people, their assigned gender doesn’t match how they feel inside. Sharing your own knowledge and asking what your child thinks are two ways to open up the topic of gender. It doesn’t have to be a big deal.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

Ask what’s more important: whether you’re a boy or girl, or whether you’re kind and responsible. Ask why.

Tell your child that some people think pink is a girl color and ties are for men. Does your child agree? Why or why not? Can clothes and colors have a gender?.

Explain to your child that “gender” means whether you feel like a boy, a girl, both, neither, or something else inside. These feelings can change over time, but usually if the feelings are very strong, they stay the same.

Tell your child that for many people, their body (what they look like on the outside) matches their gender (who they feel like on the inside) but for some people it doesn't match. Explain that the only real way to tell someone’s gender is to ask them.

Tell your child about your own gender. What does it feel like to be you? Have you always felt that way?

Ask your child about their gender. What does it feel like to be them?

Depending on your beliefs and traditions, think with your child about where gender may come from: the brain, the heart, and the spirit or soul are possible ideas.

Gender Basics

Binary means “in twos": Cisgender (say “sis-gender”) A word to describe someone whose body and gender match. Most people are cisgender. Cisgender is also called “gender-conforming” because one’s gender conforms to (matches) one’s body.

Gender Binary: The idea that everyone is either a girl or a boy, and that we can tell who’s a boy or a girl just by what they look like at birth. In fact, children and adults have a gender identity—a clear sense of who they are—which may not fit the binary “box” they’re put into.

Gender-nonconforming: A word to describe anyone whose gender identity does not match the body they were born with. Two examples are:

Gender Expression : This is how you choose to present yourself to the world--which clothes you wear, how you style your hair, how you walk and talk. Gender expression is how you express your gender identity. There are a never-ending number of ways to express you gender identity.

Gender Dysmorphia: When there is a conflict between the sex you were assigned at birth and the gender with which you identify. This can create significant distress and can make you feel uncomfortable in your body. People with gender dysphoria may want to change the way that they express their gender.

Non-binary: A non-binary person has a gender that doesn’t fit neatly into the category of boy or girl. People are happier and healthier when they are seen and understood as who they really are.

Sex assigned at birth : This is what is listed on a newborn baby's birth certificate. Adults involved in the baby's birth say whether the baby appears female or male.

Transgender: A transgender person knows he is a boy, but he was called a girl at birth. Or she knows she is a girl, but she was called a boy at birth.