Volume 5

Issue 1

How We GLOW

By Jamila Humphrie and Emily Schorr Lesnick

INTRODUCTION

Ethnodrama alleviates the burden on young people to explain to others the words and meanings that define their identities and sexualities. Our play, How We GLOW, explores, the ways lgbtq+ youth craft their own identities and communities, building from the past and utilizing new modalities like social media. As co-researchers, collaborators, and partners, we combine theoretical study with daily work in schools. The desire to connect with youth on their own terms drove this research.

As adults, being in GLOW, a gender and sexuality student discussion group which stands for Gay, Lesbian or Whatever, offered opportunities to not only support lgbtq+ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and beyond) youth, but to explore new labels and terminology and understand the issues that most impact lgbtq+ students. The question of identity labels, and how students (dis)connect on and offline, emerged from informal discussion with young people and were the questions that helmed our research.

Too often, research about youth imagines young people, rather than listening to them and their stories directly. Not only did this form allow for those sharing their stories to feel empowered, but as the play grew and we produced it for over 20 schools, we saw the power of this piece in audience members seeing themselves in the stories.

METHODOLOGY

The desire to create How We GLOW came from a curiosity about young people’s experiences and a desire to hear their voices directly. Too much of youth work talks about youth, rather than with youth. Our methodology blended traditional ethnographic interviews with theatrical storytelling tools, allowing for an authentic portrayal of truth. Researchers Judith Ackroyd and John O'Toole (2010) write of ethnodrama: "It's a natural development of the new-found confidence in acknowledging the subjectivity of their [researchers'] human research and of celebrating rather than reducing the richness of rich data" (p. 3). Ethnodrama draws on the rigorous anthropological process of describing, interpreting, and in turn constructing cultural behavior. This method lends itself to understand the ways people create their own cultural meaning. Ethnotheatre, the performance of ethnodrama, brings this process to life in a process of bearing witness to stories and moving to action. In outlining our process, we hope to illuminate potential steps that institutions can take to listen to and share their community’s stories.

We reached out to email listservs of lgbtq+ students at the high school and university level, narrowing our scope to youth between the ages of 14-24. We also connected with educators who put us in touch with interview participants. We conducted 21 open-ended interviews. Our questions were: How would you describe your identity and how did you come to understand it? Do you have a coming out story or stories to share with us? Do you or have you participated in any identity-based groups in your school or elsewhere? What do you think is the biggest issue or issues facing the lgbtq+ community? What do you know about the Stonewall Riots?

Our participants attended a diverse range of schools. Of our interviewees, 7 were college students, 5 were in public school, 6 were independent school students and 2 were not in school. Interviewees had the option to share their name or use a pseudonym. This practice and others were informed and reviewed by NYU’s University Committee on Activities Involving Human Subjects.

Upon completing the interview process, we coded the data for emergent themes (performative coming out experiences, feeling a generational divide between parents and/or teachers, exploration of identity, and intra-community differences emerged as themes) and transcribed the interviews verbatim (every uh, um and pause was included). Although we interviewed everyone individually, many of the stories that emerged in our conversations were in congruence or in conflict with each other. The beauty of this form is that we can explore these tensions and divergences through theatre. Our transcription method borrows from the style of MacArthur Genius/researcher/ actor/playwright Anna Deavere Smith and theatremaker/professor Joe Salvatore, which tries to capture the poetry of human speech verbatim: language is identity and identity is language. The richest details, the patterns and pauses of speech, illuminate as much about a person as the content of their words. By using a "hard return" to connote a break in the flow of speech, this style really imitates each person as a unique character in this play. We then wove the transcriptions into a script which featured sections from 11 of our 21 interviews.

We then worked with actors to devise parts of the performance, and presented the show to our community. Our casting intentionally cast actors in roles that were incongruous with their racial or gender experiences, as we wanted the audience to challenge their assumptions about the stories we ascribe onto certain bodies. Feedback from educators and youth members of our audience encouraged us to share the piece with schools, and we have spent two years touring the show to assemblies, conferences, and festivals from Seattle to Dublin. We have performed for students as young as ten years old, in gymnasiums of large public schools and in black box theatres of selective independent schools. Some schools organized pre-discussions in advisor groups, and each performance ended with a larger talkback to clarify language, provide space for student reflection and testimonials, and to ask about our process. Sharing the piece in schools allowed for simultaneous exposure to lgbtq+ voices for straight or cisgender students, as well as an affirmation for lgbtq+ students.

Hearing the stories of lgbtq+ youth revealed the powerful intersection of identities: age as a social identifier uniquely impacted their gender and sexual identities along with other social identifiers. Additionally, interviewees identified homelessness and intra-group divisions as strong issues facing their communities (interestingly, nobody identified marriage as a key issue, even during our interview period of spring 2015). Last, though the ways that youth engaged with labels varied, the access to claiming or rejecting a label almost always came through internet communities. Facebook groups brought youth together with other young people outside of their social circles to build virtual communities of consciousness raising and support.

Full Text

How We GLOW

Created by Jamila Humphrie & Emily Schorr Lesnick

CREATORS’ STATEMENT

We seek to amplify the voices of lgbtq+ youth through interview theatre. We conceived this project in an effort to explore the process through which young people navigate identity development, specifically around gender identity and sexual orientation, and how those identities intersect with other cultural identifiers. In a political and cultural environment where demonstrations of non-normative identities can be dangerous, we aimed to create a space for lgbtq+ youth to share openly, in their own words.

We completed 21 interviews with young people of diverse backgrounds about their identities, the labels they claim or create, and the biggest issues facing their communities. This script comes verbatim from interview transcripts. Inspired by The Laramie Project and the work of Anna Deavere Smith, this project blurs the line between audience, theatre and community. By learning about how these young people G.L.O.W. (Gay, Lesbian or Whatever), we hope audiences will leave with a desire to deepen cross-generational dialogue and to work in solidarity with these young people towards structural changes that support their identities.

We are forever grateful to the young people who so bravely shared their time and stories with us.

CHARACTERS

The names and descriptions used by each character are derived from verbatim interview data.

ANDREA LI - 21 year old Asian American asexual “neut”

ASIA - 19 year old Hispanic cisgender lesbian

ERIC - 17 year old Vietnamese bisexual male

JACK - 15 year old White gay cisgender male

JENNY - 18 year old White bisexual/queer cisgender female

KYLE - 16 year old “White for the most part, but I’m Puerto Rican as well” cisgender male, homosexual

MB - 19 year old Indian bisexual female

ROCCO - 16 year old White bisexual cisgender male

RYAN DE LA CRUZ - 17 year old Filipina gay female

SAM - 18 year old White homosexual biromantic gender-fluid female

SHANTANA - 19 year old Black Jamaican lesbian with no gender label

INTERVIEW OBSERVATIONS

Andrea Li is Asian American and identifies as asexual and as a “neut.” Ze has greasy, long black hair and wears simple glasses. While Andrea speaks, ze sits with arms crossed and picks at zir inner elbow skin. Andrea does not smile the entire time ze speaks.

Asia wears a backwards hat which reads “I am” on the back part in hand-stitched writing. She is very happy and has great energy. She is very expressive in her face and hands and makes lots of eye contact. She has short hair and wears glasses.

Eric has braces and hair an inch long. He makes good eye contact and keeps his hands under the table.

Jack has blue eyes and is built like a football player--short but stocky. He wears a black hoodie and articulates with his hands, which shook with nerves. He got emotional and his eyes glazed when speaking.

Jenny has long, light brown hair, pale skin and light eyes. She smiles the entire time, even through the difficult moments. During difficult moments she held her own arms, extending her left arm through her legs, and holding that arm with her right at the elbow. She would cross and uncross her leg. She squints and looks away with an upwards glance, otherwise making eye contact. She has very white and straight teeth.

Kyle has light eyes/skin and some pimples covered by makeup. His hair is long and curly on top, short/close shave on the side, and he has a beard, which he plays with. He also plays with his long necklace chain. He makes eye contact, but looks away when he thinks of more to say.

MB is a medium-toned Indian woman with rectangle glasses and a mole above her left eye. She makes a lot of eye contact, and looks up when not looking directly at the interviewer. She does not play with her long black hair.

Rocco is skinny, White and as long stringy hair. He has moderate acne and wears rectangle glasses. He sits up straight, but keeps readjusting.

Ryan has black hair, black eyes, with teeth sticking out. She is focused, yet jovial. She crosses and uncrosses her leg, putting both of her hands on her knees.

Sam looks away when speaking and pushes up her square glasses as a tick. She has dark, mousy hair, pale skin and pronounces “women” as “woman”. She wears a Pippin the musical t-shirt.

Shantana has a thick Mohawk dyed blonde then dyed aquamarine green. She has pierced ears and nose and dark skin. She break into smiles and her eyes water when emotional. She fidgets with headphones that were looped through her shirt. She has two visible tattoos. One on each arm.

SUGGESTED CASTING

This play is to be performed with actors in multiple roles. Below you will find suggested casting options.

Actor 1: Jack/Shantana

Actor 2: Andrea Li/Sam

Actor 3: Eric/Ryan de la Cruz/ Kyle

Actor 4: Jenny/MB

Actor 5: Rocco/Asia

Actor A: Ryan de la Cruz / Kyle /Jack

Actor B: Andrea Li / Sam

Actor C: Jenny / MB

Actor D: Eric / Shantana

Actor E: Rocco/ Asia

FLOW OF PLAY

Part I: My Identity

Part II: Coming Out

Part III: Find the Strength

Part IV: That’s the Last Thing I Want to Say

PERFORMANCE RIGHTS

All rights, including professional, amateur, motion picture, recitation, radio, television, and public reading are strictly reserved. All inquiries concerning performance rights should be addressed to the lead creators:

Jamila Humphrie & Emily Schorr Lesnick

914.260.0288

PART I: MY IDENTITY

RYAN DE LA CRUZ

I identify as

a gay

female

for some reason I’ve always been uncomfortable with the word lesbian

like it really took me a while to work up to saying that word

and

sorry

what was the second part of the question?

SHANTANA

like right now I’m claiming no label

because

I feel like

dress very masculine

but I also feel very feminine--

feminine

and I don’t

want

considered only masculine

or feminine

I feel like I’m like a mix of both

I just go with no label

does that answer that?

ANDREA LI

I identify as a

person who does not

(pause)

who does not belong to the

female or male part of the g-

gender binary

it took me

maybe

two years

to figure it out?

like I started off like saying

I think I am because I realized that I liked girls as well

it was around middle school

and um

at one point

I was like

okay

I’m definitely attracted to girls

I’m definitely attracted to boys

and then

and even later when I found out about the whole spectrum of genders

there was no difference in my attractions

ANDREA LI

ze for first person

spelled z-e-

zir spelled z-i-r for third person

ROCCO

mhm

I would

describe my identity

like a modified form of bisexual I guess

it’s

I don’t really see the entire point of fitting people into l--

into boxes and into labels

ANDREA LI

my mother wanted me

wanted me to be

wanted me to be a girly girl growing up

but it didn’t fit me

ROCCO

obviously as humans we have a need to categorize things very specifically

but

(clears throat)

excuse me

tsk

but we

not everybody fits cleanly into those so

we really need to

I don’t think there’s a need

to say this person’s xyz this person’s abc

you can just say

I am

I am a person and

as a person I’m very complicated and um

there is no need or requirement for me to fit into these predetermined labels

so the way I see my identity is that

don’t see gender as

anything that matters in terms of potential relationships

it is

you can see

my mother once said this to me is that you fall in love with people not with genders

so there’s

no need to limit yourself by saying I only like females

I only like males

KYLE

I would describe as a

as a gay man

(clears throat)

and

I guess I kind of um

I never really had a word to put with

how I was feeling

up until maybe

sss

seventh grade

(clears throat)

which is when

you know

in middle school and

it starts being thrown around like the

word gay and

you know

the f-word

as kind of like

a bad thing

but um

(clears throat)

when I learned what

it actually meant I kind of

realized that oh I was that

that bad thing

I guess

but

then

you know

we’ve got

the internet and all that so kind of delving into all that

that entire new world

(Company begins “Internet Noise” and pantomiming.)

ASIA

took the course of looking at the internet and seeing other people

who

identified as something different

and

I saw this like

world

of like

just

different ways that people express themselves and I like

first got really confused

KYLE

kind of

helped me come to terms with the fact that

maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing

and that being a gay man is

a normal thing and that there are many other people like me

ASIA

(breathes out quickly)

what?

was like

pansexual

and asexual

and a-romantic

and I was like

what I don’t know any of these

and what does that even mean

and I don’t know what bisexual is

and I was

totally lost and

really confused

RYAN DE LA CRUZ

I went around like social media like Tumblr

Facebook

little things like that

and I tried to find

people who were basically like me

people who were gay

and people you know

who were teenagers

and identified the same way I identified

and

in a way

I kinda looked towards those people as support

and like

kinda like my goals

my future goals of where I want to be

later on

in my life

and

have slowly come out to

you know

various people in my life

I’ve begun to take more pride

in my identity

I’ve

become to

I’ve

understood more of what it means to be gay

what it means to be gay in our society

ASIA

and

I started

identifying as nothing for a while

I was just like

I’m just a person

and I don’t care what happens

and

I am who I am

and

and for a while

it was like

that’s my motto

and I kind of didn’t find any happiness in that

and it was so weird

because I knew a lot of people that were like

oh I’m so happy being

unlabeled and content in that

and I really wasn’t because I was so confused about everything

and

so I like sat down and I

this sounds like a really weird thing but I

went through

different definitions of what everyone thought

what pansexual is

and a-romantic

and

bisexual

and

just everything

and I was like

okay

I don’t

none of this applies to me

and this doesn’t apply to me

and I understand like

certain aspect of things

and there’s still a ton of stuff that I don’t understand

but

for me it was just like

I needed a simple label of

what I was

and what I was doing

and for me that was

cisgendered female

that happens to love girls

and I had a nice connection with them

I started identifying as lesbian

and

I dunno

I’ve never not liked it

(“Internet Noise” ends.)

ERIC

(clicks tongue)

I currently identify as a bisexual

male

um that’s with gender

male

and I kind of

know this about myself in

in 6th and 7th grade

do you want me to tell you how do I know?

JACK

I went to a Catholic school and gay was only something I really saw

on Glee at the time

and

I actually remember having a girlfriend in sixth grade and

being like

y’know I remember

seeing you know

the only role model I had was Kurt and

eventually Blaine and I was just like

well I’m not really like those guys

so I’m not gay or anything

but

I kinda knew that I wa--

let’s just say I was more interested in male anatomy than I was in female anatomy

I kind of

knew that

and

then eventually other things started falling into place

and yeah

I guess

that’s basically the

the base of it

I mean

middle school was when people started talking about

ooh boys

you know everything and the girls around me would be talking about that

and one time I was like

ooh I kind of feel that way about girls sometimes

and I said

ooh girls

and somebody was like oh you’re you’re a lesbian

and they were kind of weird about it

and um

and I said no no no

I like boys too

I like both

I like girls and boys

and I said I think that’s the way I am

and like

(As MB speaks, the rest of the cast looks at her.)

SHANTANA

in middle school

I was out

but like

I was like

in this rough place in my life

this life

I feel like

this was a part of me where I was still growing

and finding myself

but I wanted to find myself right then and there

but I just didn’t know how

so I was like

still confused

dating this girl online

and it was getting pretty serious

we were already talking for like two years

and

it was

very unhealthy

cause like

I didn’t know how to

be myself and be gay

I was more or less

pretending to be a guy

with her

because

that’s how she wanted

and she was the girl that I wanted

and I was in this really bad place

like I was

cutting myself

I was very

self-loathing

it was just terrible

in middle school

I didn’t know what it was called

(laughs)

at the time

I didn’t know there was a word bisexual

(Pause/Transition.)

JENNY

so I identify as bisexual

well I really like to just

say I’m queer

I like that word a lot because

I mean there are so many different labels and

people try to get like as specific as they can

but

I think that’s kind of silly because

I’ve come to realize at least that my sexuality’s

very fluid

and even

although I do say I’m bisexual

even that

kind

having something clear-cut doesn’t make any sense to me

so just saying I’m not straight

and

that’s kind of enough

so I that’s why

I like the word queer

RYAN DE LA CRUZ

when I’m around my gay friends we’ll say

oh look

we’re a gaggle of queers

and I’m like

oh okay

I guess this is an okay word to say?

I never really had an opinion on it until I heard

you know

my gay friends saying it

I personally don’t use it for an umbrella term for GRSM

gender

romantic

uh sexual minorities

because I know a lot of people are uncomfortable with it

it’s still being used in slurs

ASIA

It’s not

really definable

I just feel like the word queer is just kind of

this big umbrella of like

everything under the rainbow

SHANTANA

it’s just underneath that umbrella

that’s what I feel like being queer is

being gay

or whatever

it doesn’t matter

just in the family

ROCCO

queer is like an umbrella term for all kinds of um

basically

anything that’s not straight

and cisgender

JACK

it’s just become

the umbrella term

for everybody

I know we had

GSA a big conversation about that word

SAM

people

tend to have a different idea on if it’s

if if it’s a positive connotation or if it’s a negative connotation and

the way that I use it

it’s sort of like

something that used to be negative and now it’s positive and when I say queer I sort of

it’s just sort of to describe the entire community

JACK

kind of hard to

you know explain for people to

you know even I don’t understand what that

sole identity means

but now

I know a lot of people just use it

as an umbrella term

so basically they’ll

they’ll say just

the

queer people and it it

even it is

SAM

you know

people who don’t

identify as being

cisgender

people who don’t identify as being straight

so it just it’s

it’s sort of the way that

at least people who I know and the way I’ve picked it up

it’s sort of been as um

umbrella term

so um

at least for me that’s what queer means

I know it’s different for

other people but

you—for me and for some others it’s

um basically an umbrella term

JACK

I know I had a friend of my dorm ask me

couple nights ago

is it offensive if I use

queer to describe

as an umbrella term

and I was thinking

you know I was just like

you know I don’t know

sincerely

don’t know

and there

I remember when we were talking about

queer

at the Q and A

there were a lot of adults there

you could see

kind of see tense up a little

as the

the uh

glbt

adults there

remember it as being that

you know

offensive word

and it was just

kind of weird

that generation gap is so huge

between

something I’ve noticed a lot especially with my advisor

you know

the generation gap is incredible

and

so for me it means an umbrella term

but

I also realize it could mean a lot of things

to everybody else

ASIA

we’re queer

we’re not

you know

what you would expect to be

normal

whatever that would be anyway

PART II: COMING OUT

(Actors stand in a vertical line, each stepping forward to speak and stepping away when complete.)

JENNY

once I reached high school I started

realizing that I could be my own person that I didn’t need to like

fit other people’s labels

I heard the word queer

and that like made the most sense

because I was kind of tired of like questioning

every single thought that I had and like feeling that I had

and I felt I should just be done with it

ROCCO

I’ve always been

kind of like

a loner student I’ve never really interacted with many people—I’ve always been reading

and when

came out everybody was

oh I thought you were asexual

which

kind of made me laugh and kind of made me sad

because um

it showed how little everybody understood me

SAM

oh yeah I have a good coming out story

this one’s a more comical one

it was in my

I guess

do you mind if I share two actually cuz one’s more recent

okay

so one was um

it was in my AP literature class

and

I remember that

yeah

it was

we were

basically

given time to sort of get into Mrs. Dalloway and

take notes on it

and I mean it was two-

I was between two of my friends

and

I wa-

we were just you know doing our work and stuff like that

and

I don’t remember what one of them said

but one of them said something that was like

something about being in the cl-

like being in the closet

it like not in any

s- you know queer way just like

about closets in general

and I was thinking to myself there’s this opportunity here

I’m going to take it

why not

so I

just kind of quietly whispered so that they could hear I was like I was in the closet once

but the thing is like only one of them like picked up on it like

I was talking to another one

I made another closet joke

with them because they were talking about

like their dark abysmal place known as the closet and I was like

you know I was in a dark abysmal place known as the closet once

and I added

I’m bi he’s like

oooh so that’s what you meant

and I’m like

yeah what else did you think I mean and he was like

I’m sorry that I’m short and these things fly over my head

so um

that was one story

coming out has always been

a really difficult concept for me to understand

because it seemed to me that every time you meet a person

you’re technically coming out of the closet aren’t you and it must be a very exhaustive process

and

well

the real issue

is like

ERIC

I'm not

I should

I dunno

I'm not actually out

completely at my school

and one of the reasons why I'm not is because

well

I should also say that I'm the president of the GSA at my high school

and I

I believe personally that

the best way to fight homophobia

is to show people that there can be a straight ally

um to

lgbtq

the community

one who is the president of the GSA

it’s not weird to

you know

be a gay rights activist and be straight at the same time

and to kinda break that awkwardness between the straight people and gay people

(clicks tongue)

so that’s

the reason that I'm not

out

at my school

my parents

my parents know so I came out to them

and that

I don’t think there was

it really much of a story to tell there because

they they knew that I liked this boy

and so

they could tell

they could

and I think at one point they asked directly

and I said

I said yeah

basically

and I never told them if I was bisexual or gay

I just said

you know

I like this boy

and I had a girlfriend later in 8th grade so they

so they uh

I think they know I'm bisexual

and I've never really had a conversations about

or our conversations were really only about that one boy

or about that one girl

they never were

universal

and so

but

back at school

I think

it’s a bummer

that I don’t feel comfortable coming out

and I

but I felt

well for me at least

I felt like a have a pretty good reason not to

yeah

(Jack steps forward and speaks directly to Eric.)

JACK

it’s very

kind of scary to just have to say it cuz there’s no way to really just

skirt around it

it’s kind of those things you just have to say like

you know

I I’m gay

at this point

I’m just

you just have to say it

(Ryan stands DSR, everyone else sits cross-legged to face her.)

RYAN DE LA CRUZ

technically it’s not anyone’s business how I identify

but at the same time

I wanted the comfort that

a lot of heterosexual people have

knowing that they can identify how they would like to

and

you know

no one questions it

or forces another label upon them

I wanted to be myself fully

and not have to hide any of that

when I had come out to my school

the only people I had told was my close friend group and a couple of teachers

and other than that that was it

so I was the last person to go

and

I flashed on the screen the gay flag

and the words

UNISON

my gay agenda

RYAN DE LA CRUZ

and I was like

in case you guys didn’t know

I’m gay

and I’m gonna talk to you guys about

some misconceptions people have about the LGBTQ community

and I talked about things people have said to me

who’s the man in the relationship

does this mean you’re a boy

right now

you have very like well-intentioned questions which are ignorant

and back-handed at the same time

and when I was done with it

that was probably one of the happiest moments of my life

I felt so proud of myself

I felt so loved by my school community

I remember looking out into the audience

and like

everyone was smiling

the whole English Department of my school is gay

so they all

they all went up to me afterwards

or like they emailed me

or they spoke to me

they were like

we’re so proud of what you’ve done

for this community

thank you for doing this

I remember one teacher was crying as she hugged me

just

a really great feeling to know you’re not alone

yeah

that was very exciting

I loved that moment

(Shantana stands DSL to speak, everyone scooches to face her.)

SHANTANA

but then um

like my real coming out to my dad

like telling him myself

was at my senior year in high school

I did this poem

it’s called

D.Y.K.E.

but it stands for

do you know errogance [sic]

erro with an e

and

(clears throat)

it was pretty much going off about how

what I told you about my sexual identity

I don’t feel like a man

and I don’t feel like I have to wear skirts to prove that I’m a woman

and that

I love woman

that’s who I am

and that was my

that’s the gist of my poem

I invited my father

and he was there

he didn’t clap

but

he heard me

so that was enough for me

(Sitting on the floor, cast shifts to face forward.)

ANDREA LI

I never told my parents because I knew they wouldn’t accept me

my family

is very

they’re not homophobic

at all

I know because I’ve heard them state their political views publicly

I’ve heard them state their personal views

but I also know that you’re not supposed to talk about anything in my family

ASIA

first was when I came out to my parents through uh

letters

because again the internet taught me

great things

(laughs)

(Asia hands a letter to father, played by Actor 2/B.

MB sits in a seat next to car father, played by Actor 1/C.)

and I suppose the most difficult thing was when I tried to come out to my dad

I was like

okay

because he was

he was t-talking about in the car

I was like

you know we never really talk

I want to get to know you better

and so I was like

okay

and he was like

tell me what’s going on with your friends

so I decided to do the

my friend

thing

and my dad’s not very good at picking up on that so

(laughs)

so I said

you know my friend recently came out as bisexual and he’s like

why are you telling me this

and I’m like

I don’t know

you said you wanted to know what was happening with my friends

and that’s what happened

I thought maybe he would pick up on me saying me

but he wasn’t

so he was like

okay

well

what does it matter

you’re in high school you should be studying anyway

(laughs)

and I said

well yes

but what do you think about it

and he said

well sooner or later you have to choose

and I said

why

and he’s like

well you can’t marry two people

and I was like

right but

and

then I realized because my mom was the first person he ever dated

so I said

dad

you can date more than one person

can’t you?

you can break up with a person and then date another person and he’s like

I guess you could do that

I mean

I never did that

so I wouldn’t think about other people doing that

(laughs)

so I realized

that

there’s like

a sharing level that he’s never going to be on that level

(Cast goes off stage, except for Asia and father, played by Actor 2/B.)

ASIA

and I went home

on the next Monday

and my dad was there

and my mom was still gone

and

he didn’t say anything

and I thought

oh no

he either didn’t read it

or he’s so mad

he doesn’t wanna talk

so we’re washing dishes

and he’s washing and I’m drying

and then

he um

he just turns to me

and he stops and turns off the water

and goes

(exhales)

really deep

and goes

so there’s like no chance whatsoever that you’re going to randomly start dating men?

and I turned and looked at him and I was holding this dish

and I was like

I don’t

know

I mean

who knows?

but right now I’m pretty sure no

and he was like

okay

and then

that was it

and he turned the water back on

and I was like

okay

and then he turned to me and he goes

hey uh

you know

everybody just

a little

little

out there about things

and I was like

I don’t

know what

that means

and then he was like

when I was in college

and I was like

oh no

I am not ready for this conversation

and he was like

even your mom

and I was like

I’m not even ready

for that one

and he was like

I don’t know if your mom still does that

sometimes

I do

and I was like

are you telling me that you’re

(laughs)

he was like

oh yeah

I don’t like to put a label on it

but I’m sure you guys would call me bisexual or something

and I was like

okay

JACK

I say he was the best one to handle it because my

second older sister

that night

you know came into my room

and you know

she’s just very worried

I can still tell that she’s very worried

we she had a big conversation for like the big three things that she wanted me to know

don’t settle for people just cuz you’re

in a minority

don’t get AIDS and die

and

yeah

I guess and I guess just be careful

you know

homophobic

homophobic environments

but

well she did a really good job of freaking me out

and

and my dad just said look that’s fine

like doesn’t really change my opinion of you

and that was it

yeah so that was basically

like coming out to

close people

RYAN

oh my dad was very relaxed about it

he started jumping up and down

he started dancing with the dog

he was like

she’s gay

I’m gay

we’re all happy, yay!

okay

dad

thanks for putting the enthusiasm in that mom didn’t

(As Ryan speaks, everyone else starts jumping and dancing.)

PART III: FIND THE STRENGTH

(Actors are seated in chairs and on the floor. Andrea faces away from the rest of the group.)

ANDREA LI

(sighs)

I managed to be thrown in with

the people that I live with

because of

bad circumstances

I have run away from home

and the place I now live in is a shelter

KYLE

there’s a lot of

a lot of um

queer homelessness

from what I’ve

heard

so that’s

especially trans youth

I I’m not really

knowledgeable on the subject

but I just know that um

a lot of

lgbt teens are

kicked out of their homes

I’ve

I’ve heard a lot of like

success stories though

where they get like adopted

a trans

teen was recently

adopted

but then you hear cases um

like Leelah Alcorn

I think

just a lot of

I think we really need to submerge

like our modern culture in

the fact that

lbgtq people exist and that we are

everywhere

we’re coming

ANDREA LI

I guess you could say

being homeless

transcends

this

our sexuality

or our gender identity sometimes

to me that is

being homeless is the only identity we share

outside of specific sexualities or gender identities

well

that’s

that’s more a part of how I see myself

I don’t know about the others see themselves

I think we need

focus

a lot on

homeless youth

I think that’s a really big issue

you know

just reading the statistics like

a disparagingly high number of homeless youth are

you know

lgbt

and they’re doing that because they’re not accepted in their homes

I recognize the need

like how getting acceptance for marriage will get acceptance for

will help gain acceptance for the kids

but I um

you know

gaining acceptance over all

but I feel as though

maybe if we concentrate on that

and

you know

giving

resources

so they could start their life

like I feel like that would be very important

ANDREA LI

and I’m so tired of hearing about the suicides

and murders

and no one seems to care about them

I would hope that the message of this community

would spread through so that people stop killing themselves

ROCCO

I think we’re

we’re building an understanding of trans people

but it still

has a long way to go

a while ago I read a story on the news about this trans girl who committed suicide

ANDREA LI

I can’t tell you to stop caring about what other people think

but I hope I can change the way you feel

in particular about yourself

namely that it is not wrong

nor is it something to be ashamed of who you are

ROCCO

and her parents had always refused to refer to her by her and she

and instead said he and him

and even

her

obituary

they used her birth name

and said

him

which

made me really angry

(coughs)

excuse me

ANDREA LI

I hope you can find the strength to go on

ROCCO

because

it just showed a complete lack of respect

for her

own child

and a complete lack of understanding of what

she actually was

SHANTANA

I had a few trans friends

I don’t have that many

I’m not exposed to it as much

and I think

homelessness amongst the gay

people

like there’s too many gay youth on the piers by my job

ANDREA LI

the space I’m in now

is supposed to be lbgtq friendly

but it doesn’t always seem that way

because how hostile being homeless makes everyone

SHANTANA

I see

a lot of them

they look stagnant

in their lives

they look like this is the rock bottom

but it seems like there’s more

you know

it feels like with them

there’s always like less like

I don’t know

more ground to go down

this is just never it

and like

I don’t know if they feel like they can ever climb up

you know

so I feel like that’s one thing

another thing

I don’t know

I think that’s all I can think of right now

and those are just things that like bother me

ROCCO

a lot of people don’t really understand what it means to be

trans

ANDREA LI

The staff could do more but they can’t because they’re so understaffed

and some of the program funding has been cut

we’re fighting for a limited number of resources

ROCCO

because these people don’t understand and they lash out at what they don’t understand

which hurts

the people

and makes them

depressed

suicidal

all these bad things

and

with trans people specifically

ANDREA LI

(sighs)

I wish that my situation would actually be

looked on not with pity

but with

respect

I wish

even though

I wish that one

my gender identity

the identity itself would be more normal

so people don’t look at me like I’m crazy

when I try to explain

and two

my living situation could always use more help

(sighs)

that just sounds like I’m begging

like all the other homeless people people tend to ignore

so I’m not sure really how to gain support for that

like how to I get support without sounding manipulative

SHANTANA

I dunno

I just hope

everything gets better

for us all

PART IV: THAT’S THE LAST THING I WANT TO SAY

ASIA

I know that a lot of issues

outside of the community itself that are kind of

facing us

but I

JENNY

I think one issue with the lgbt

like community is that everyone that’s not in it kind of thinks

that it’s like this

happy rainbow

ASIA

the way we regard each other

inside the community

is the most like

crucial thing

that we’ve ever faced

and it’s still something that’s a really big problem

just

like hate in the community itself

JENNY

warm community

where everyone automatically like

love each other and is there for each other

and that’s not always true and I think it’s because

ASIA

of watching people be like

that’s not a real thing

nobody has it as bad as we have it

or like people

inside of the community looking at other people

in the community thinking

they don’t belong here

we very often talk about

the homophobia in

you know

minority communities

you know

the Indian communities

Black communities

but we never talk about the racism that can come up in the lgbt communities

and very often

they’re prevalent

ASIA

that’s always kind of been the biggest issue with like

the lgbt community

is that

for a community that wants to be

all inclusive

we’re very like exclusive

including to each other

and I think that’s probably our biggest issue

(Group starts to hug and say goodbye. Lights dim. Group gathers around Jenny’s character in a semi-circle.)

JENNY

actually could I add something

to the interview?

is it still running?

well

so after I told my mom

and she said well

I still want grandchildren

and there was no like

fluffly like hug

I still love you

this is like great whatever

the next day I when I went

I talked to my

AP government and politics teacher

who I’m pretty close with

and he had

earlier in the year given me a book called um

The Fire Next Time by James Baldwin

which is about

he was gay

although he doesn’t really talk that much about it in the book

but it’s mostly about being black in the 60s

and

after sh- I told my mom

I actually went back to the book and I read a couple pages

that just made me feel really good about being different

and like why that’s great

so I told my teacher about that

cuz he’s the one that gave me the book

and

while we were talking I was telling him how she reacted and

how she probably wished I was straight

which was fine

because I’ve spent so much time wishing I was straight because

that would make things so much more simple

and the one thing that he said that

really rang in my mind I guess for the rest of the day was

like I don’t wish you were straight

that’s crazy

and he’s a s-

heterosexual cisgendered man

White man

so like

one of the pe-

like least understanding people you would think

when it comes to something like this

but like that was the moment when I realized I didn’t hafta

wish that I wasn’t different

and that that actually

might mean something good

(Group in the semi-circle says in the line in unison.)

UNISON

How did that feel?

JENNY

it felt

I don’t know

like surreal

like I’d never been told that before

like I’d always been told things like it gets better

and

like you’ll find people that do love you

but I’d never been told like

this is how you should be

and this isn’t any better or any worse

than being straight

this is you and that’s great

JACK

maybe just a

little

I was thinking about how uh

just

another injustice in a way

or l-

my personal

things that have bugged me

and

one of the things I know I like to write and read a lot

and

I always find it

that it’s been harder to do those kind of

things

after coming out

in a way

which is another

you know once you

at least in my

experience

when after I’d

come out

like would before

I don’t want to do things like stage makeup or write about why gay characters or read gay books

because

I was afraid that people were gonna think I was gay

and now that I’ve come out

you know

every single time I do these things that I actually have always liked to do but am afraid to

it’s because I’m gay

you know it’s becau-

just because of that

you know it wa-

I’m changing myself

so my sister

my second older sister thinks

that I’m

doing this stuff to change myself to fit a stereotype

and so does my

advisor

who

likes to kind of tease me

I’ve asked to

stop many times but I don’t think he really gets how

much of an impact it makes when he says

you’re putting yourself in a box

you are

making yourself entirely this

my father said

it is a part of you but you don’t have to wear it like a badge

but

and I even had um

I remember telling uh

a few of my friends about this uh

a play I wrote

where it had um

a couple gay characters in it

and they said

do you write like any like straight characters and I was like

yeah I write some why

and they just like

well it just seems like you’re only writing

gay characters

you know

I just feel like that’s really limiting yourself as

a writer and I’m just like

you know if I was straight and I was only writing straight characters

even if I was gay and only writing straight characters

you wouldn’t be saying this to me

I know that because I would write things

and only have straight characters and nobody said

are you writing any gay characters and that was

kind of limiting yourself

and I

you know I feel like it’s the same

for

a lot of writers actually

you know

I know

talking to my friend

who is

she’s black and she said

yeah I write a lot of black characters but everybody is like you know why can’t you write

any white characters

yeah

cuz we’re in a shortage of white characters

it’s

it’s just crazy things like that that I feel like

not an injustice you know

I don’t

at least

not an injustice widely

it’s been

a difficulty

trying to get people to understand that

it actually

yeah maybe

they think it’s just my sexuality

and

but it is a little bit more of me

and no I’m gonna try and shove it in your face

but

and not everything is gonna be

about that

but

just so you know

it’s a little more than who I want to

fall in love with

who I want to sleep with it’s about

you know

cuz I

I realize I’m standing on the shoulders of people

in the Stonewall Riots and the AIDS crisis and

even though

those were not my personal struggles

I still

feel a connection to those people and I’m thankful

and I’m

I should be able to feel that

and I should be able to

represent the way I feel

sort of my

artistic mediums

anybody should

and I feel

that it

strangely

coming out

which is supposed to be something that’s freeing

has inhibited that because if I was writing gay characters beforehand

people would be a little too afraid to say are you doing this because you’re gay

so I just think that’s kind of a

fun little

funny

not fun

little uh

you know

double standard

like yeah we’ll accept you just

so you’re not changing yourself

it’s like I’m s-

I’m a teenager

how do you know if I’m changing myself or just discovering who I am

that’s the last thing I want to say

(Cast walks around space, reciting lines from their characters, then creating a frozen image. This happens three times. On the last time, lights fade to black.)

END.

SUGGESTED CITATION

Humphrie, J., and Lesnick, E. S. (2019). How we GLOW. ArtsPraxis, 5 (1), 76-135.

Download PDF of How We GLOW

Author Biographies: Jamila Humphrie and Emily Schorr Lesnick

Jamila Humphrie (she/her) is a PhD student at NYU in the Educational Leadership program. Her academic and professional work includes; facilitating conversations for queer people of color, co-creating a piece of interview theatre, How We GLOW, with her partner Emily Schorr Lesnick, and presenting on her work at conferences and in schools across the country. Jamila serves on GLSEN's Education Advisory Committee and the Making Gay History Podcast Advisory Committee. In 2016, she was an intern in the White House in the Social Office of the First Lady Michelle Obama. Jamila also received a Fulbright Award to Brazil in 2012.

Emily Schorr Lesnick (she/her) is an educator, theatre maker, and equity facilitator who works primarily with middle and upper school students. With her partner Jamila Humphrie, she co-created How We GLOW, a piece of interview theatre that explores LGBTQ+ identity, which has toured to community spaces and schools across the world. An alum of Steinhardt’s Educational Theatre program, she currently serves on GLSEN’s Educator Advisory Committee.

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Cover image from NYU’s Program in Educational Theatre production of Of a Certain Age directed in 2018 by Joe Salvatore.