Talking To Your Child
As we have become a more connected world, events that occur across the globe impact us locally. We may be personally connected to an event, despite geographic distance, or it may impact our communities. Personal or global, it can be hard to know how to talk to your child about tragic and scary events. The resources below can help guide your conversation.
Talking about Stressful Events
Stressful events, personally, nationally, and globally can be difficult to talk about with our children. What should we say? What shouldn't we say? How much information is too much? Not enough? How do we even bring it up?
As a general guide, if we don't talk about/acknowledge events happening in our families, our communities and in the world around us, youth create their own, often incorrect narrative about what is happening. While it can be difficult and emotional to discuss these topics, as their trusted adults, it is important that we support our children by offering them the opportunity to ask questions, receive information, share their feelings, and accept comfort if needed.
A good starting point can be to ask your child, "What do you know (or have you heard) about (the event)?" Listen to their response and clarify any misconceptions they may have, based on the facts that you know to be true.
Ask them if they have questions or something else they want to share about their reaction to the event. If you don't have an answer or don't know the facts, it is always okay to say as much. "What a great question! I'm not sure if there is an (or I don't know the) answer to that. I'm going to see what I can find out."
You know your child and are likely a good judge of how much information they need. Some children want the bare facts and anything more will be emotionally overwhelming for them. Other children want more detail or will have a number of questions. As the trusted adult, you can set the boundary if you can see that your child is becoming upset. "It seems like that's probably as much information as we can handle right now. Let's take a deep breath together and decide what we want to do next."
Sometimes children will want to be comforted, sometimes they will want to do something concrete to help/remember/cope, sometimes they will want to forget all about it and move on to something else. As the trusted adult, you can help guide your child to what will feel most supportive to them.
Remember to take care of yourself during these conversations, too! You can model self-care for your children by saying, "This is very sad for me too. While it's important for us to be able to feel sad, I think right now I'm ready to (take a break/talk more about it/engage in another activity)."
Tips for Talking With Your Child
How To Communicate With Your Tween or Teen (And Why That's So Hard)
Talking with your child about stressful events
Helping children cope with unsettling times
Helping kids cope with frightening news
What to say to kids when the news is scary (NPR, 2019)
Sound It Out Together ( A guide to using the power of music to help caregivers start conversations with their kids about emotional wellbeing)
Resiliency
Trauma
Violence
NASP: Talking with your children about violence
NCTSN: Talking with children about mass violence
Infographic: Talking with children about violence
Talking to children about terrorist attacks and school and community shootings in the news
Talking with children about school shootings
Talking with children about the school shooting in Texas
Coping in the aftermath of a shooting
Age by age guide for talking to children about a mass shooting (NYT, 2022)
What to say to kids about school shootings to ease their stress (NPR, 2022)
Natural Disasters
Tips for Adults Coping With Distress
Emotional Recovery- American Red Cross
Coping with Grief After A Disaster or Traumatic Event- SAMHSA