Q: What exactly is a “petting zoo” at Derek’s? A: Ah, you’ll soon find out. Derek’s Petting Zoo is where you’ll get the chance to interact with a wide variety of creatures, some of which you might recognize and others... well, we don’t like to put labels on things. Petting is optional, but we recommend you give it a try—just be sure to follow the instructions very carefully.
Q: Are the creatures safe to interact with? A: Technically, yes. But that’s not a guarantee. Some creatures might purr, some might… change shape. Keep your hands and feet inside the enclosure at all times (or, you know, just keep them close). Follow our guide's advice, and you should be fine. Or at least, as fine as one can be here.
Q: What types of creatures do you have? A: Oh, just a few little things, like a few hundred different species from across the galaxy. We’re always updating our collection, so you may meet anything from a slightly docile 4-headed lizard to a shape-shifting blob that might try to follow you home. (Don’t panic—usually, they only do that if you’ve been extra nice.)
Q: Can I bring my kids? A: Kids are more than welcome, as long as they understand the concept of “sharing” – particularly if it’s with a creature that doesn’t quite understand boundaries. Note: We recommend age-appropriate visits for young ones. Some exhibits might be too much for them (and for you, if we’re being honest).
Q: What should I wear? A: Anything that can withstand a few minor tears, stains, and unusual liquids. Biohazard suits are available at an additional cost for certain exhibits. Also, make sure your shoes are firmly on your feet. Some creatures are known to be... grabby.
Q: What happens if something goes wrong? A: At Derek’s Petting Zoo, we take no responsibility for any injuries, unexpected transformations, or interdimensional rips that may occur. By entering, you accept that things might get out of hand. However, we do provide a first-aid station for minor scratches, bites, and spontaneous levitations. For serious injuries or alien encounters, please call an expert.
Q: Will I have to sign a waiver? A: Oh, you’ll definitely need to sign a waiver. Actually, you should probably read it first. But it’s all standard stuff. Just don’t expect the paperwork to be entirely Earth-legal. We’re working on that.
Q: Can I take photos with the creatures? A: You can, but we ask that you leave out the flash—some of our creatures find it... offensive. Also, keep an eye on any items you may drop. Some creatures are known to love shiny objects. And by “love,” we mean they might eat them.
Q: Do I need to make a reservation? A: Reservations are encouraged, especially if you want to meet our more special creatures (some of whom have very strict schedules). However, walk-ins are allowed, but there’s a good chance you’ll miss out on the “hands-on” experiences. So, plan ahead, if you value your limbs.
Still Have Questions? Don’t worry, Derek’s always happy to explain things to newcomers. However, please be aware that some of the explanations may be… incomplete. This is part of the thrill. Remember, you're entering an experience that’s beyond what you’ve ever imagined—sometimes, beyond comprehension entirely.
Proceed at your own risk.