Emotional Intelligence - March 1, 2022
Self-regulation can help our EQ: we can create a plan for how we might manage our emotions and learn from what we try. Can you think of a situation in a course where using emotional intelligence could benefit you?
Exercising our EQ makes us stronger collaborators. We can read and react to social cues indicating a teammate’s emotional state and manage our own frustration or confusion. Can you think of an interaction with another person where you or your collaborator could have benefitted from practicing or growing your EQ?
"Emotional intelligence (EQ) is defined as the ability to identify, name and manage your emotions. Exercising your emotional intelligence can help you navigating challenging situations and improve your interactions with others."
Playing in doubles in tennis is not easier than playing singles in my opinion. In my experience, there are is another partner you have to be there for, understand their movements and instincts, protect their back, actively listen for their cues when they want to switch or taking a shot at the middle, and more importantly in my past mistakes, not disappoint.
The pressure of not messing up the game because that meant letting them down as well was the responsibility and crushing guilt I held inside of me a few months back in a MHC vs Smith match.
It had been a long match where me and my partner were giving it out all. We both had lost our previous matches and were trying to go out doing our best in playing everything we had learned during all past intense months of practice. The match had been going for hours and it was the last match of the tournament since everyone had ended theirs already. Both teams sat watching the match we were closing to winning or losing because it was a really, really close game. We had to go to tiebreakers, which is basically the decisive 7-point game where it decides who wins with a two-point difference.
The game went above 7-points because we were so close. 6-7, 7-7, 7-8, 8-8, and so forth.
Then, it was my turn to serve.
It was stressful to the max, knowing if I missed the next two serves, we would lose the match because of me.
I wished I had had a higher emotional intelligence back then. Maybe the the stress wouldn't have gotten to me and I had more focus on my technique for the serves instead of how important this last point was. Maybe it would have helped to acknowledge the fear and validated it from the start instead of pushing it down to continue on to the game.
Looking back, missing those two serves weren't the things I am less proud of.
It was my reaction right after.
Of course I was upset my serves that didn't even go over the net had lost us the match, which is perfectly normal, however after I just went... quiet.
I shook hands with the team, thanked my partner for playing with me, and just kept quiet as our coach debriefed us. I went quiet because I knew if I said something it probably would have come out with a broken voice and then later give me an asthma attack.
The team loaded back the van and we left back to campus. I was in the back, put my earphones in, and wallowed in silence as I pretended to sleep.
See what I did wrong?
You see, playing doubles means you have a teammate there to protect, help, and lose or win a match with. At the same time, you have someone to protect you, help you, and lose or win a match with. For not wanting to recognize those sad emotions within me and bottled them up, I left my partner in silence on the way back to campus.
Who knows what she had been thinking at the time as well? I didn't know because I also didn't ask. I felt like I failed her back when I lost the match for us, but I think I failed her more as a teammate when I secluded myself in my exhaustion.
To make it worse, after coming back to campus, I left to go back to the gym and practice more and left the team when they went all together to have dinner.
Hey! Do you know what would really help someone like this? That's right! A "Glowing Garden". Only for tonight, the offer of two Glowing Garden for the price of one is on sale!
Anyways, phew... So, how could emotional intelligence help me then? Probably not be a better partner after the game. Yes, I had been super tired, upset enough to go mute, and had no energy to give the kind she deserved. Either way, I think if I had recognized my feelings, saw them for what they are and taken into account other things like mindset, self-regulation, and active listening, I could have been a better teammate back then. I could have asked how they felt after the match, and hear their thoughts out even when I am afraid they were angry at me for losing those last points.
I recognized all of this that same night, and so I went to apologize the next time we had met. That experience is not something I am proud of but since I am just learning now to play doubles, and what it means to be in a sports team, it is a good learning experience to look back at and gain wisdom from. Instead of letting myself feel all the shame and guilt I am going to use EQ to look at it through a different perspective and grow from it.