February 8-9, 2022
Active Listening
The topic of active listening is something I could write essays about since I've gone through various seminars, professional workshops, and help present presentations on this. However, after all of this experience, I've noticed something important in what is considered "correct " or "standards" of body language in active listening that affects me and certain group of people.
To begin with, I'd like to explain what active listening is and how it can used a method to help in tasks, situations, and collaborations. To actively listen, is to focus on what is being taught or shared with you and hold on to all that information to understand it and participate in healthy communication. This can help up clear up questions, make new questions, gain more knowledge, and make one feel heard and taken into account. In a group setting, it works wonders if everyone is making space and activity listening. It can even help create a sense of community. In class, when I use active listening, it helps me try to understand everything that is being said and later I try to clarify point that were made with the teacher when the appropriate time comes. If someone in class asks a question, I can learn from what they asked and the answer if I actively listen and reflect on how much i understand or don't.
Imagine if government officials in the world used active listening and actually reflected before they spoke.
One can dream.
Since active listening is a sort of method, usually it is taught that "appropriate body language" should be given. Look a the speaker and give them your full attention. Nod your head if you are listening and understand. Give non-verbal cues. When I was little, I was told, "sit up straight, don't slouch, don't move your head, smile. This will make the speaker feel good and respected."
At 19, I got diagnosed with autism and everything finally made sense.
"Claudia, are you listening to me? Look at me." I was in fact listening and can repeat back every single word they had said.
In all my years of seeing active listening being taught, I have never seen anyone point out the pressure of "correct" ways of active listening body language that it has for neuro-divergent people.
At 20, I have perfected my body language and masking for other people to feel respected and comfortable when talking to me. I don't think anyone would guess I had autism. I didn't either, I just thought I wasn't a people person, had too much energy, got distracted easily, and was a bad person for not looking at people in the eyes. However, as much pressure is put on autistic and ADHD people to "act right" in public, why do we have to struggle and exhaust our energies for others to feel comfortable to them? Make it more accessible for people who do not have that disabilities?
This week's topic isn't that "deep". This is a CS 107 class. However, I felt the need to finally write out my reflection on how "being seen as actively listening" was exhausting when I already was doing it constantly just not in the "perfect" way.
There are days when I do not have the energy to mask, but I am listening. I just need to do to make myself listen better which sometimes is stimulating myself by tapping my legs, doodling, stimming, closing my eyes, look out a window. These actions would be seen as rude in a classroom but I promise I am listening.
After making the formula I use when interacting with people as a habit unconsciously after so many years, it is hard to break. Active listening has become part of who I am since I have needed to use it to survive. Not just the body language, but all that it entails. Maybe that is where my need to be perfect came from.
In this class, I believe every single project and workshop we are given is going to be another opportunity to practice active listening. I will very much be careful and focused more than usual when it comes to dangerous and sharp machines. They all scare me in a way. I also believe dealing with loud noises and having to stay actively listening is going to be a struggle since machine sounds really hurt my ears.
I don't think I've ever wrote about being autistic before. This was a challenge to write but I take it as another step forward.
To conclude, I believe active listening to be what Wall-E and Eve have during the scene above.