Trauma Bonding

Abusive relationships can create strong emotional bonds through a cycle of abuse and intermittent reinforcement of affection. Victims may feel a deep attachment to their abusers despite the harm.

Low Self-Esteem

Abusers often erode their victims’ self-worth, making them believe they are undeserving of better treatment or that they cannot survive on their own.

Fear of Escalation

The fear that leaving might provoke more severe violence or retaliation can paralyse victims into staying.

Hope for Change

Many victims hold onto the hope that their partner will change, often based on apologies, promises, or temporary periods of kindness.

Guilt & Shame

Victims may feel responsible for the abuse or ashamed to admit to others what is happening, which can prevent them from seeking help.

Normalising Abuse

Some individuals grow up in abusive environments and may come to view such behaviour as normal or acceptable in relationships.

Financial Dependence

Economic control is a common tactic in abusive relationships, leaving victims financially dependent on their abusers and afraid of the financial instability that might come with leaving.

Financial Blackmail

Abusers might control the victim's finances or threaten to ruin them financially. This can include threats of withholding money, sabotaging employment, or damaging credit scores, making the victim feel financially trapped.

Children

Concerns about the welfare of children, custody battles, or the belief that it is better for children to live with both parents can compel victims to stay.

Public Shaming

The threat of public shaming, where the abuser may expose personal or embarrassing information, can coerce victims into staying. Victims may fear judgment or ostracism from their community, friends, or family if their situation becomes known.

Control Through Fear

Blackmail can extend to threats against the victim’s loved ones, such as children, family members, or pets. Abusers might threaten harm or repercussions if the victim attempts to leave, creating a climate of fear and control.

Lack of Support

Isolation from friends, family, or support networks by the abuser can leave victims feeling they have no one to turn to for help.

Threats of Exposure 

Abusers may threaten to reveal sensitive information or secrets about the victim. This could include private matters, financial details, or past actions that the victim wants to keep confidential. The fear of such exposure can trap victims in the relationship.

Legal & Institutional Barriers

Lack of access to legal resources, fear of not being believed, or ineffective legal systems can hinder escape.

Housing

Finding safe, affordable housing can be a significant barrier, particularly if the abuser controls the home or if there are limited shelters available.

Cultural and Societal Pressure

Cultural, religious, or societal norms can pressure individuals to stay in a relationship despite the abuse, due to stigma or expectations about marriage and divorce.

Helping someone escape domestic abuse can take a very long time. It can be very frustrating and disappointing for family and friends to observe the cycles of abuse and forgiveness on repeat. Understanding all of the above complex barriers to people living with perpetrators is essential to encourage an enduring support framework, without pressure, blame or judgement.

Remember, the goal of a perpetrator is often to alienate and destroy the support network of their victim. Don't let that happen.

Leave the door open, keep planning, keep a presence, be there when they're ready, be there when they fall. Whatever you do, don't give up on them.

For practical planning, visit our 'Escaping Domestic Abuse' page.