Sweetpatch: Sour Patch Love

If there was one candy I could have an unlimited supply of, it would undoubtedly be Sour Patch Kids Watermelon. Not the original sour Sour Patch Kids, but the sweet, succulent watermelon ones. They’re soft and sweet, colored and vaguely shaped like a slice of watermelon. Who could resist that? I’ve been obsessed with these sweets for years, especially during track seasons. I have found, to my delight, and my coaches’ dismay, that I can often use these candies to bargain…

“If I break the school record or win first in my heat, will you give me Sour Patch Kids Watermelon?”

“Sour Patch Kids? Sure, only if you break it though.”

“Shake on it.”

And hence, a deal is made, and I walk away one bag of candy richer. 

But Sour Patch Kids Watermelon isn't just my way of life, it’s the way to my heart. For instance, when Cole, a guy on my track team, gave me Sour Patch Kids Watermelon as a simple act of goodwill, no one could have predicted the onslaught of a million feelings that would ultimately convene to lead me on a journey of love and unlimited candy.

Introducing: Sarah’s 5-Step Foolproof Plan for Winning a Man’s Heart

Step One: Denial

Admitting that you are smitten with a man (ugh) will be a vulnerable experience. You’ll probably be in denial for a few weeks, maybe even throughout the entire process! Denial comes in all shapes and sizes. Me personally, I just kept telling myself that my feelings were just… admiration. Cole was talented! And smart! And nice. Who wouldn’t be interested in someone like that in a school like ours? I told myself that I didn’t really like Cole; I just appreciated a man who was dedicated to his work! 

Step Two: Consult with a Trusted Individual

Once you accept that you may have some feelings for a boy, it is important to tell a trusted friend or adult. They’ll act as your number one supporter in this journey and will snap you back to reality by telling you how stupidly enamored you may be acting. Whether things go extremely well or terribly wrong, your chosen person will be by your side no matter what. They will also be a reliable source of good advice. Take my text messages, for example. Some time ago, I spent hours distressingly spamming my confidante about Cole’s and my interactions on Instagram. Usually, the conversation would go something like this:  

CONFIDANT ME

HE LIKED MY STORY AGAIN

WTF IS HAPPENING

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN

AHHHH

U think I should text him

offering him brittish candy?

Why do u have British candy??

And spell it right pls

British sweets

Yes

I'M SCARED THO

WHAT IF HE JUST SAYS NO

I would be gagged

THATS WHY U ASK

IN PERSON

WHAT IF HE SAYS NO IN PERSON

I WILL BUT IMMA STILL KMS

…

I’ll give my sour patch kids first tho.

Peace offering

BRUH

JUST WAIT FOR HIM TO GIVE

THE CANDY TO YOU THEN

NO CAUSE WHAT IF HE DOESN'T

😒…

Having a friend to hear you out and give their honest opinion will be your best resource during this tumultuous time. They’ll help you not embarrass yourself more than you most likely already have.

Step Three: State Your Intentions

This will be your first big move. After this, there will be no going back. Stating your intentions is a calculated step, a call to action. If you’re shy like me, go on a social media site that you both use regularly and express your feelings. My master plan was the following: I put Cole on my Instagram close friends list. Then, I made a story with a picture of Sour Patch Kids Watermelon in a heart packaging accompanying the words: “If someone gave me a full pack of these, then we’re married.” Boom. I was sure that was an obvious enough move.

Step Four: Reciprocate the Motions Back

When your crush generously offers his Sour Patch Kids Watermelons not once, but twice, show your interest (besides flailing and jumping in happiness in front of him), and give something back; in this case, Sour Patch Kids Watermelon. If you’re not ready for direct confrontation, discreetly shove the candy pack into your crush’s bookbag with a note that only you two will understand. “Don’t tell anyone I gave you these :P ” would be mine if I had to guess. This way, you know that you both are on the same page. And you get Sour Patch Kids Watermelon as a treat. 

Step 5 Five: Wait

At this point, what's done is done. There’s nothing more you can do now except be patient and play the waiting game. While you wait and contemplate your life decisions, how about you do your homework for the week? Focus on your studies? Clean your room? Just remember, do NOT look back on the screenshot of him liking your Instagram story. That’s embarrassing. 

This step will be your biggest challenge. The wait will be excruciating, but you must stand strong. As universal proverbs say: “Good things come to those who wait;” “Patience is a virtue.” 

…

Now, as I wait, I wistfully ponder my future.

Someday, when I’m old and in my late eighties, I’ll be sitting in a wooden rocking chair with a manga in hand. My grandkids will be sitting on the floor, playing with toy blocks or drawing, asking questions about my past. Sooner or later, one will ask how I met my beloved husband, who’ll be somewhere in the house lifting his grandson.

And I'll say… 

It all started with Sour Patch Kids Watermelon.