Birth Preparation
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So you're having a baby...
You can't sleep without having to get up to pee at least once a night.
You're up late searching for all the things:
How painful is labor?
Lamaze, Hypnobirthing,
Epidural, Bradley method, etc...
Hungry for all the information but overwhelmed at the same time.
So much to learn! And so little time (even though 40 weeks feels like an eternity)
Anxiety and depression you had before pregnancy can be exacerbated during this time.
Anxiety has you obsessing over every decision, how to prevent every terrible outcome.
Depression keeps telling you awful lies about yourself since you don't feel like doing anything productive.
Fear reminds you that you have no idea what you're doing.
Maybe you're unsure you even wanted to get pregnant and worry your life plans are now thrown off for good. (You don't hate babies or anything; this just wasn't what you expected right now.)
But you're supposed to just be elated and filled with joy at this new season in your life.
I hope you know this is normal. It's ok to look for therapy for help with these feelings and learn ways to cope.
Learning tools to deal with the waves of emotion during pregnancy is actually a really good way to prepare for labor. Dealing with emotional pain is very similar to coping with physical pain.
How to Prepare for Birth
I'm not here to tell you to do more Kegels. Do you know what the most important part of your body is during labor and delivery? Your mind!
Labor is only 20% physical but 80% of the work to bring your baby into the world is mental!
Your mind is so powerful!
Tokophobia is the word for fear of childbirth. In the media childbirth is a scary and chaotic event that is loud and has everyone rushing around so the baby doesn't just fall out onto the grocery store floor. Birth in real life can certainly be described in some of these ways, but it doesn't have to be traumatic.
While we can't 100% control what will happen,
there actually is a lot that you do have control over, and so many choices you have.
You have a choice of how to use your mind:
Are you going to catastrophize (fancy therapy word for ruminating on the worst case scenarios)?
Or are you going to use that 80% to harness your powerful womanhood to have the beautiful birthing experience you imagine?
You deserve to have the birth you want, to use your voice, to advocate for you and your little one.
Let's figure out the root of your fears and how to get past them so you can feel safe, strong, and empowered.
Traumatic Birth Processing
Having a previous experience of a difficult or traumatic birth can sometimes make preparing for your next birth even harder. Many women with this history are plagued by fear and sadness when finding out they are due with another baby.
If you're hoping for a better experience next time, let's chat about how you can cope with what happened and move forward with this pregnancy.
Home Birth and Birthing Centers
While I support all ways a woman wants to give birth that align with her values, I have a special passion for working with those who desire to give birth in nontraditional ways such as at home or in a birthing center.
Hospitals can be scary and the protocols for new moms and babies can be intrusive when you just want to get some sleep & recover.
You already know that birth is a natural process and not a medical emergency requiring treatment (if all goes well).
You trust in your body’s ability to do what it was made to do. You have the confidence to power through the surges and imagining resting in your own cozy bed with your beautiful newborn makes you feel so warm and content.
Even though you have peace about where you are birthing, there can still be hesitations and worries to work through so that your labor is uninhibited by fear.
Some goals we can work toward are:
Experience peace with whatever may happen and accept the unknown.
Challenge any fearful thoughts that may intrude
Develop a mental game plan with mantras you can practice now
Create a plan for your support team so they can encourage you during the hardest moments
Rainbow Babies
You were so excited to learn about this new life, only to be disappointed when you found out it was no longer there.
How could it hurt so much to lose something that was so tiny?
But you tried again and here you are, celebrating again!
Another gift, but you're always wondering if the same thing will happen again.
Is the baby healthy? Will I lose this one, too?
Maybe I shouldn't get my hopes up. I don't want to tell anyone, just in case it's not a viable pregnancy.
Sometimes these worries and protective mechanisms keep us from feeling warm and fuzzy feelings toward our babies or connecting. It’s not as enjoyable or carefree, or fun.
You’re just waiting for the first drop of blood or twinge of a cramp the entire pregnancy. You may have never been validated by medical professionals. Your doctor just says, “well this baby seems to be healthy so it’s okay.”
It doesn't have to be this way though. There is hope if you can process the loss you've experienced.
You can be FREE to fully connect emotionally with your new baby. We can also work together on skills for staying present rather than stuck in the past.
I can't guarantee you won't feel those emotions anymore about your miscarriage or previous loss.
It is a significant experience and warrants your strong feelings! But with time, practice, and support you will experience those feelings knowing you're not alone and you are no longer helpless when emotions hit.
You can both remember AND stay present.
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