I don’t know
those three words pretty much make up my insides
sometimes i wonder if i’m really just a robot
wired to agree, agree
every inch of my body is set on fire
flames of opinion licking through my very soul
but it’s those three words that leave my mouth
“how can you not know?”
how can you be an individual
when i was younger i knew who i was
i was my parents smart girl
the funny and witty little daughter
i never used to try
i never used to care
but i always used to know
i’m like a butterfly trapped in a cocoon
the web suffocates me, tangles my vibrant wings
i don’t know how you can feel so empty
but look so right
i struggle to understand how those around me work
do they understand the roots in their core
the growing branches of their individuality?
every task is chore
every day is a war
i like to think i’m a good person
i like to imagine that i have redeeming qualities
but when im lying in my bed
my hair a knotted mess
and my face bare and unwavering
is when the hollowness creeps in
i’m like a blank canvas waiting to be painted
desperate for the vibrant colors of the brush
i want my book to tell a compelling story
i want my chapters to be full of heartful words instead of meaningless blurs of paragraphs
my pages are blank
the words bleed together
until they are a meaningless void
every person has a different copy of you in their mind
they say the only one who truly knows you
is you
i find that confusing
how can one truly know themselves
inside and out?
i am a stranger in my own body
i am not defined by the things i love
or the things i hate
maybe the things that represent me are the lyrics in my headphones
the mindless words on my paper
the vacantness that wraps my body
twirls through my mind
twisting so tight
i can’t move my arms
what defines a person?
is what i ask myself every time
how can you see a future beyond these blank walls?
where’s the key to the door?
surrounded by people does not diminish loneliness
it only alleviates false comfort
sometimes i am content with myself
it isn’t wrong to say i love myself
my body, my face, my hair
true beauty comes from the inside
what if you don’t know what’s on the inside?
what if you just don’t know?