Fade

I feel my mind drifting my thoughts my feelings carried on a breeze to whip me down to a husk

My consciousness floats in a river                                           the rapids move too quickly to keep up                                                                                                           

                 I dream more when awake than I do when I’m asleep.                                                                 

                                                                    perhaps that’s why I can never get that full eight hours                                                             

Reality seems far too sad                                                                                                                     too          

                                                                                                                                                       gloomy  

                                               where does the sunshine go when my head makes rainy days?                                                                  

there is not an umbrella strong enough to withstand the downpour of my thoughts                              

I am living in a body not prepared to be alive                                                       my heart beats too  

                                                                                                                       quiet                                                                                                                    

my mind can not hear its rhythms                                                                                                    

so it creates a sound all its own                                                                                                              

The currents of time seem to take everyone around me to where they need to go                                                 

                                                                                      I wonder where time is carrying me                                                                                                    are the places I’m heading better or worse than where I’ve been?                                   I’m starting  

                      to think 

                                            I was wrong when i thought where I was was the worst place i could’ve seen

I am left to wait in befuddled wonder

                                                                          hoping for answers, but receiving nothing but echoes of questions I’ve already asked my mind seems to be cloudy

       The stratosphere weighs heavily in my heart           

                                                                                                   as my body is weightless in its unforgiving nature my thoughts untraceable in the space I linger in

   Am I to fade for all my life?

                                         Is my expansiveness to be forgotten in the face of depression? I can only dream and wish

                                                                                             that i am not to be lost in time ,

                   but where will I go if I am?    

"What Came First." Mixed Media, Ava Coiner