Our relationships with animals are remarkably intimate and mutually supportive, as they love us 'no strings attached,' hold our secrets, and accept us 'just as we are.' When our daily routines include pets, the loss can be profoundly disruptive to our lives. Given that so many people consider their pets as companions, best friends, and even members of the family, grieving a pet can be similar to mourning the loss of a family member. Some owners experience feelings of deep loneliness and isolation. Some people around you may not understand the intense feelings of sadness you can feel after losing a pet, but please remember there are people out there who do understand.
There is no absolute pattern for grief. Your experience of grief will depend on a variety of factors including your personality, your upbringing, the type of relationship you had with your pet, your personal situation at the time of your pet’s death, the circumstances of the death, and your cultural and religious beliefs. Your reactions may be different from those of another pet owner, or even from those of other members of your household. Children tend to express grief differently to that of adults.
These reactions are normal, healthy parts of the grief process, but can be difficult to describe to others. This can be especially true when sharing with people who do not have pets. It may be difficult for them to understand your feelings of loss. It is as perfectly normal to grieve over the loss of a beloved pet as it is over the loss of a beloved person.
The best way to manage your grief is to be reassured that these reactions are normal and to let them run their natural course. Be kind to yourself as you prepare for the 'new normal' of a life without your beloved pet. Just as it took time to build a relationship with your pet, it will take time to get used to your pet not being there.
A healthy grief journey comes from taking your time to work through your feelings rather than trying to push them away or ignore them. It is only by moving toward the experience of loss, that you can learn to live with it.
Continue your relationship through memories.Your memories allow your pet to live on in you. Embracing these memories can be a slow and sometimes painful process that takes time, but it can help you work through your pain, sorrow and grief as well as hold onto the happy, fun, loving moments you had with your pet. Be creative in memory making and keeping.
Have a funeral or memorial service to honour your pet’s life. Should you choose to bury your pet in a cemetery or a memorial garden, decorate your pet’s headstone. Should you choose to cremate your pet, you can place your pet’s ashes on a mantelpiece, or bury or scatter them in a meaningful place. There are other things that you can do as well to memorialise your pet. Plant flowers that bloom every year for your pet (tulips, daffodils, forget-me-nots). Light a candle in your pet’s memory. Keep a lock of hair in a locket or Christmas ornament. Keep your pet’s tags on your keychain. Ask your vet to make a clay paw-print of your pet. Make a memorial contribution to a local rescue group,
As you move through your grief, you will shift from focusing on the emptiness, loss and sadness to the happier memories of your pet. When the time is right, you may consider bringing a new pet into your life. This is not a 'replacement pet,' but rather a new and unique relationship on its own.
When we lose someone, whose presence changed us (often for the better), we cannot help but be changed by that loss. The process of coming to terms with a loss can take a long time, but you will eventually find your way to a place where the pain of absence is less of a focus than the happy, loving memories that come to mind when you remember your pet.
Please note: There is no legal obligation for an employer to offer you time off after the death of a pet. This also applies to family members and other loved ones, only with the exception of parental bereavement. However, this does not mean you cannot necessarily take time off after losing a pet. For example, some employers might allow for a specific period of time off in the wake of the death of a loved one or pet, and this could be outlined in your contract. Other companies will offer bereavement leave at your manager’s discretion. If you’re unsure whether or not your employer will allow you to take time off in the wake of a pet’s death, it’s best to check with your line manager.
Talk to friends and family to share cherished memories you have with your pet
The Blue Cross offers a pet bereavement service, providing free, confidential support to anyone affected by losing a pet
Cats Protection has a confidential phone line called Paws to Listen, a service for any cat owner suffering grief or bereavement for a beloved pet
For equine support, The British Horse Society's 'Friends at the End' is designed to make sure that no horse owner faces losing their companion alone
The World Horse Welfare shares good advice on saying goodbye