Funeral music, flowers and poems

How to choose the music for a funeral

Choosing music for funerals usually involves combining one or more of the following:

• The known preferences of the deceased

• Music that friends and family feel reflects the deceased's life and personality

• Traditional music dictated by convention

Increasingly, modern funerals and celebrations of a life successfully combine religious funeral songs and secular favourites. Depending on the regional background of the deceased, do not forget Irish funeral music ('The Londonderry Air'), Scottish funeral music with a piper, or maybe one of the classic Welsh funeral hymns such as 'Crug y bar'.

Music means so much to so many of us so should be a prominent part of our saying ‘Goodbye’. Good funeral songs are always chosen to suit the special personality or preference of the deceased, and the way the mourners feel about them and their parting.

As far as funeral arrangements are concerned, again there are a number of different options available:

• Casket Spray – arranged by close family, these are typically double ended sprays that are placed on the coffin

• Sprays and Sheaves – can be placed in a stand. Hand tied sheaves are good if you are looking for something more natural

• Wreaths – the more traditional circular arrangement

• Hearts and Cushions – perhaps a more sentimental arrangement

• Posies and Baskets – traditional or contemporary. Posies are usually circular and therefore can be viewed from all angles

• Special tributes – includes letter tributes usually arranged by families

If the funeral is for you or your family, you may also want to give some thought to where the flowers should go once the funeral is over. Although some people choose to take them home or lay them on the grave, others prefer them to go to a local hospital, nursing home or organisation. These days some people choose to make a donation to charity instead of arranging funeral flowers.

The use of a bereavement poem, funeral poem or in memory of poems can significantly help with the coping of lost loved ones. The hopelessness of losing a loved one is often one of the most difficult things anyone ever has to experience in life. It may be hard to believe at the time but there is hope and one day it will feel better than it does when the loss is new. There are many experts with varying opinions about the things you can do to get over the loss of a loved one but it really is a unique journey for each individual. An effectively-chosen poem could make an enormous difference to a funeral. I have found that using memorial poems, whether you create it yourself or find one that speaks to your heart, can greatly assist with expressing and coping with feelings or can help a friend or family member coping with an unfortunate loss.

The very best funeral poems naturally discuss sadness and of loss. However they also have an uplifting feel, a way of valuing the memorable things about an individual’s life, a way of celebration and of love. Sometimes finding the right words to say at a funeral is quite difficult, poems can often help and give some inspiration. We have examples of these funeral poems below.

Poem as a tribute

When you are asked to speak or are expected to speak at a funeral or remembrance service a bereavement poem is a good way of getting through what you need to express. Often a memorial poem is used as a tribute in a eulogy or on a memorial site where family and friends can leave words of comfort to each other.

A memorial poem can be used for expressing grief and putting into words what is otherwise difficult to express. There are all types of In Memory Of poems, certain poems have been written especially for Grandparents, others for the loss of a child, others for friends and other family members. Funeral poems are meant to be touching and emotional while a memorial poem is meant to help with the process of coping with loss and is often posted on a memorial site by the funeral home.

Creating a Poem

When looking for or creating a poem for a funeral you should keep in mind poems for memorial services need to speak to you, while also referencing the person you have lost and be appropriate to speak to the other grieving friends and family. Poems for memorial services should not only reference the person that was lost but also be reflective of their life, their relationships or faith and things they loved.

A funeral poem that has been well chosen or well written can become a lifelong keepsake. Often copies are printed and given out as a keepsake during a memorial service for others who were also close to the deceased. Sometimes people create a scrapbook utilising the funeral poem along with placing photos of the deceased. This memento is often shared online on a memorial website and allows anyone to go back to it for memory's sake. Using poetry or prose to write down feelings can be a healing way to deal with extreme grief and is beautifully touching to those who are also able to share in reading the poem.

Sharing a poem, going through the process of locating the right funeral poem or creating your own unique poem is a way to wrap up all of the memories you have of a certain person and becomes a way to memorialise those memories and expressions.