Grief

Grief looks different for everyone, but there are some common responses. There is no “right” way to grieve. The grieving process can be thought of like a roller coaster full of ups and downs, highs and lows. There will be times you are doing better and times that you are not. Difficult periods should become less intense and shorter as time goes by, but it takes time to work through a loss.

Common Responses to Grief:

• Emotional: types of emotional responses can vary but may include shock, anger, sadness, denial, loneliness, yearning, guilt, and relief

• Physical: types of physical responses can vary but may include fatigue, nausea, headache, numbness, stomach problems, sleeping disorders, and eating disorders

• Behavioral: types of behavioral responses may include having dreams of the deceased person, socially withdrawing, crying, avoiding reminders of the deceased, and inability to initiate and maintain activities

• Cognitive: types of cognitive response may include disbelief, preoccupation with certain thoughts, confusion, memory loss, and difficulty concentrating

• Spiritual: types of spiritual responses may include a loss in faith and belief systems, questioning faith/beliefs, or strengthening faith/beliefs

Additional links:

• Coping with Grief and Loss - this article talks about the roller coaster & explains some emotional symptoms in depth

• How Grief Affects You

• Common Grief Responses

• Feelings and Reactions to Significant Loss

Your emotional responses to grief may happen in phases as you cope with your loss. Even though you are unable to control this process, it is helpful to know the reasons behind your feelings. These stages can happen in any order and you can go through them more than once.

• Denial: “This isn’t happening to me” or “Everything is okay” or “I don’t need any help”

• Anger: “This isn’t fair” or “Why is this happening to me?”

• Bargaining: “If only…” or “What if…” or “I promise…”

• Depression: “What’s the point?” or “I’m too sad to do anything”

• Acceptance: “It’s going to be okay” or “I’m at peace with what happened”

Additional Links:

• WebMD: Normal Grieving and Stages of Grief - further explanation of the stages

• Five Stages of Grief

Grief is a very individualized journey with no one right way to feel. There is no “normal” amount of time to grieve, it lasts as long as it lasts. Give yourself time to experience your loss.

Additional Links:

• How Long Does Grief Last After A Death?

• The Grief Experience

• How long does grief last?

Myth: The pain will go away faster if you ignore it.

Fact: Trying to ignore your pain or keeping it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing, it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it.

Myth: Grieving should last about a year.

Fact: There is no specific timeframe for grieving. How long it takes differs from person to person

Myth: It’s important to “be strong” in the face of loss.

Fact: Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn’t mean you are weak. You don’t need to “protect” your family or friends by putting on a brave front. Showing your true feelings can help them and you.

Myth: If you don’t cry, it means you aren’t sorry about the loss.

Fact: Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it’s not the only one. Those who don’t cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others. They may simply have other ways of showing it.

Myth: Moving on with your life means forgetting about your loss.

Fact: Moving on means you’ve accepted your loss—but that’s not the same as forgetting. You can move on with your life and keep the memory of someone or something you lost as an important part of you. In fact, as we move through life, these memories can become more and more integral to defining the people we are.

Links:

• Grief Myths

• Coping with Grief and Loss

• Understanding Grief

• Teen Grief Resources, Hospice of the Valley

• What is Grief?

• The Grieving Teen, American Hospice Foundation

• Vitas Healthcare: Experiencing Grief as a Teenager

• Mourning Hope: I’m a Teen

• Barnardos: Death

• Help Guide: Coping with Grief and Loss

• Responding to Change and Loss

The Dougy Center:

• What is Grief

• Now What? Tips for Grieving Teens,

• Who am I Now? Losing and Finding Yourself in Grief

• Grief Bill of Rights

• 8 Things to Try When the Grief Gets Intense

• Express your feelings

  • Talk with others

  • Use art, music, and writing in a journal to express your feelings

• Write letters to the person you lost

• Self-care

• Ask for help!

• Join a Support Group (see resources section)

Tribute Album

How to make a quilt square

Grieving Worksheet

Healing Your Grieving Heart for Teens: 100 Practical Ideas by Alan D. Wolfelt

Fire in My Heart, Ice in my Veins: A Journal for Teenagers Experiencing Loss by Enid Traisman

Bearing the Unbearable by Joanne Cacciatore

• Iowa City Hospice

• Amanda the Panda

• Project 52, Trees to Remember

• Cedar Valley Hospice, Youth Grief Support

• Imerman Angels

  • This non-profit organization provides free personalized one-on-one support/mentorship for cancer fighters, survivors, and caregivers, including caregivers who have lost a loved one to cancer.

Behaviors to expect

• Developmental Responses

• Article: How to help a grieving teen

What to say

• What to say instead

• Alternatives to "I'm Sorry"

• Coping With Grief in the Classroom

How to support

• Addressing Grief: Tips for Teachers and Administrators

• Helping the Grieving Student: A Guide for Teachers - includes behaviors to expect

• Supporting Students After a Death – Tips for Teachers and School Personnel

Websites

• Dougy Center

• GrievingStudents.org

• A Guide to Children's Grief, Loss & Healing

• Grief in Developmental Stages

• What To Do When Death Impacts Your School

• Teen Grief 101: Helping Teens Deal with Loss

• Dougy Center: Resources for Parents and Caregivers

• Helping Teens with Traumatic Grief: Tips for Caregivers

• What's Your Grief: Helping a Teenager Deal with Grief

• Center for Loss: Helping Teenagers Cope with Grief

• Responding to Change and Loss