In this satire article, Tessa will talk about why January is the Monday of months.
It is January. The holidays are over. School is back in session. What does this feel like? One, big, giant Monday. That is what January is all about: feeling like Monday. After a break that feels like a two-week-long weekend, everyone has to come back to reality. We have to wake up in the morning, get dressed, and come back to school. No more Christmas trees, no more pretty lights… No more joy. Because January…
Is a Monday.
Every year we all hear the word “resolution” being thrown around like confetti. Just like confetti, it gets left on the ground, trampled on, and then swept up to be thrown in the garbage. Nobody seems to want to stick to their New Year’s resolutions, but a lot of us come up with them anyway in order to feel like we are making progress. The same is true for a Monday. Every Monday, many people think things like, “I will definitely stay caught up this week so I have a free weekend!” or “I will not fall behind this week, and I am starting by staying caught up on Monday.” Hardly anybody sticks to their Monday resolutions and then, by Friday, they realize they have an entire weekend of work ahead of them.
We have all been there: the intense joy of Christmas break, but then the extreme letdown once school is back in session. According to Health, the post-holiday blues are “short-term feelings that individuals experience after the holidays, including sadness, loneliness, fatigue, disappointment, sluggishness, mental distress, or even dread of the upcoming winter months.” These are all feelings that are also common on a Monday. Just like in January, Monday is often met with sluggishness and disappointment from a wasted weekend.
As summer ends and we reach autumn, we deal with the cold because we have Halloween and Thanksgiving. Winter begins but, once again, we are alright because how can anyone be mad at the weather when there are Christmas lights and trees everywhere? And then: January. All the trees get thrown out. Lights, stockings, and ornaments into boxes. Christmas-themed pajamas and onesies into drawers. And– worst of all– no more peppermint hot chocolate. How are we meant to accept the cold weather when our hearts are even colder?
Sure, it is not the only 31-day-long month, but it feels like an entire year. Every single day of January stretches out like a pair of your favorite leggings that have torn, leaving you sad and helpless. January being the longest month is not just in our minds, there is a scientific reason behind it. According to New Statesman, an independent newspaper, “This phenomenon is most readily explained by the dopamine clock hypothesis, which states that higher levels of dopamine, a neurotransmitter in your brain associated with motivation and reward, speeds up your internal clock, making time seem like it is going quicker.” Once January starts and the festivities of the holiday season are over, dopamine levels drop and make time feel slowed down.
January is arguably the worst month of the year. If we, as a school can get through it, then it will be spring and summer break will be right around the corner.