Dear News-weary:

You mention both your own fatigue with political news, and the stress it brings you, and your concern over your loved ones’ uncivil comments. The latter is not only unpleasant for you to hear, but I am guessing you are concerned about what all that bile may be doing to, or reflecting about, your loved ones. Is that so?

First, I rejoice that you love the people in your home. This is a big advantage.

I wonder if this prayer might help? I wrote it thinking of people fighting over political issues -- maybe as troubling as the events of January 6, or as chronic as the struggle for equality, or as shattering as a church split. But I wonder if it could also apply to your situation.

God please help us, my opponents and me.

Help me to see my opponents as a precious gift, part of your Providential love.

Help me to embrace our disagreement as part of that gift.

Help me to find among my opponents at least one who is willing to work with me to discover the paths you have already created to meeting all our needs.

Help me to listen until I can state my opponents’ views to their satisfaction.

Help me to build with my opponents a creative relationship in which we all can learn your will.

Help us to love each other and out of that love serve those around us in some practical way, bringing us all into paths you have already created.

I don’t recommend you call your family members “opponents.” Labels matter. “Dearly loved ones” would be better.

This prayer challenges us to think of disagreement -- even the one you describe -- as gifts. Can you do that? Can you approach it expecting good things to result for you, and your family? Do you expect to learn something that helps you be a better person, too? That’s the premise here: any conflict may end up helping me be more like Jesus wants me to be.

Notice that the prayer keeps asking for God to work on “me” all the way down to the last line. Only in the last two lines does it suggest that God might help the other person change. And it expects the changes -- for everyone -- will be mutually discovered.

Listening is the crux. Ask the loved ones to tell you what they are getting out of this intense behavior. Ask what the advantage is to them to leave the TV on when they're not in the room. Ask how they would know when they’ve had enough news for the day. Ask until you know from their point of view what this behavior is doing for them. And summarize this back to them so you know they know you’ve heard them.

Then ask if they would like to know how their behavior is affecting you. Think of it as getting on the same side of the table with them, so rather than it being a tug-of-war, you can work together on the conflict between their use of the TV and your preference for peace, quiet, and civility.

If they are open, describe your exhaustion. Describe the impact on you of the harsh language. Describe your concerns or fears about why that language troubles you about them. Ask them if they will work with you to balance their interest in the news with your interest in more peace and quiet (and refuge from the news).

This prayer may need another line -- something about what to do if they won’t work with you. If you reach such a point, you do not need to just keep suffering. Note the quote on the home page from Martin Luther King, Jr. It may be that you will need to find the equivalent of sitting at a forbidden lunch counter: an action that clarifies injustice without communicating hatred or violence. If it comes to that, I’ll be happy to help you think through next steps.

I hope this is helpful to you. If these ideas don’t seem to fit your situation, feel free to pick and choose among them to fashion your own approach. And if you’d like to, let me know how it goes.

God bless!

-- Professor Civility