Conflict Management

When faced with conflict, there is a tendency is to either run away or immediately jump into problem-solving mode. These responses may be driven by a lack of comfort with or even a fear of conflict. Unfortunately, neither response is always correct, and neither approach should be the first step.  

Whether in the middle of the conflict or viewing the conflict as a mediator, the first step in managing/transforming/resolving is to diagnose the problem. A clear understanding of the root cause that led to the conflict will help guide further actions. 

Think of treating conflict like seeking treatment for an injury or illness. How many stories have been shared about someone who was misdiagnosed and received treatment that didn't help or heal them? At best, the wrong treatment can leave someone with the same levels of pain or illness. At worst, the wrong treatment can lead to exacerbated pain, advancing illness, addiction, or even death. 

While the stakes aren't as high with the majority of the conflicts that occur in the workplace, not addressing conflicts well can derail progress toward goals. On the other hand, healthy conflict can reveal opportunities for growth. Although unpleasant, healthy conflict creates conditions where deep growth is possible.

How to Diagnose Conflict

Workplace conflicts are primarily driven by something going on in one or more of the following: personal health and maturity, relationships, organizational systems, and organizational culture. Below are a series of questions to ask related to each area. 

Think of the specific conflict and situation. Think of each person involved and what happened. Then, go through the list below and check off anything that seems true in the situation.

If the conflict isn't one that you are personally involved in, this can still be used to help coach through conflict.

Personal

In this scenario have I (or the person I am coaching) tended to…

• Avoid it, minimize it, or otherwise not address it fully?

• Accuse, attack, overpower, or otherwise not listen to or engage others?

• Jump to conclusions before (or without) objectively gathering the facts?

• Confront others without clearly knowing what I wanted for a resolution?

• Struggle to offer the benefit of the doubt?

• Offer the benefit of the doubt long after it's clear that accountability is needed?

Relational

• Is the issue only between a few, specific individuals?

• Has it become personalized in any way?

• Have any of the individuals involved communicated that trust has been lost or damaged?

• Have any of the individuals involved communicated that the relationship has been disrespectful?

• Is this a reoccurring problem among the same individuals?

Systemic

In this scenario is there any ambiguity, confusion, or inconsistency about:

• Roles or responsibilities (for self or others)

• Expectations and/or standards

• Appropriate policies and/or procedures

• How information is shared within the group and with others in the organization

• How decisions are made, or authority is delegated

Cultural

• Does this kind of conflict occur elsewhere in the organization?

• Does this kind of conflict tend to re-occur?

• Have cliques or "sides" developed?

• Are there tendencies to avoid, minimize, or explain away conflict or difficult topics?

• Are there tendencies to exclude, retaliate, attack, bully or overrule when faced with conflict or difficult topics?

• Is there a reluctance or avoidance to talk openly about issues that really matter?

• Do people trust their peers, their managers, and other leaders?

• Do people feel respected by their peers, their managers, and other leaders?

After Answering these questions - 

Any question answered with a "yes" is an area that could potentially be driving or maintaining the conflict. It's an area to examine further. If you find that there are a significant number of "yeses" checked in a specific category, this category likely needs specific attention for growth.

When the primary areas are primarily Personal or Relational, you are likely to be able to resolve the conflict through meaningful dialogue with the parties involved. Refer to "Resources for Conflict Resolution or Transformation" below for suggestions ideas to try. 

Personal and relational challenges may either be the cause or the symptoms of people responding poorly to systemic or cultural issues that can be resolved. If you find that you've identified areas for improvement in either personal or relational and systemic or cultural, you'll often find more sustainable resolutions by seeking to improve the systems or culture.

If you discover that the primary source of the conflict is systemic or cultural, consider enrolling the help of the group's executive sponsor. There may be context that the group needs to understand the reasoning behind certain systems, policies, procedures, or behaviors. It could also be possible that there are issues that the Leadership team should be made aware of. Even when conflict is manifesting at a personal or relational level, solutions will primarily take place at a leadership level. 

Signs that conflict is healthy

Groups should build understanding around what conflict is and how to handle it in ways that move the team forward. Some teams believe that if you are all getting along or agreeing on everything your collaboration is strong. However, many would argue that if you are all in agreement all the time, you aren't having the right kind of conversations. 

Here are a few signs that conflict is healthy:

• There is trust.

• There is respect.

• People seek to understand other perspectives, or what makes a particular issue or position so important to someone.

• Time is taken or even created to talk about difficult issues.

• Real decisions are made and real transformation occurs.

• The focus is on problem-solving, not on blaming or fault-finding.

• No one tries to control the conversation or shut anyone else down.

• No one tries to avoid the conversation or refuses to participate.

All of the above are likely to occur in the context of a highly emotional and intense conversation. It is important not to equate passion or intensity with negativity. 

Resources for Conflict Resolution or Transformation 

When looking through these resources, look at what they have in common - a focus on active listening and seeking to understand. When seeking out resources, lean on Fleet Feet's core values to help inform the guidance you accept. 

Conflict Resolution 101: The Step-By-Step Guide To Getting Back On Track With Your Team - FairyGodBoss article that walks through how to find common ground and provides an example. 

Handling conflict at work through conversation - Culture Amp article that focuses on how to defuse potential conflicts early

6 Tips for Leading Through Conflict - Center for Creative Leadership article on behaviors that reduce conflict and steps to resolve conflict

Finding Confidence in Conflict (Tedx Talk) - Director of the American negotiation Institute, Kwame teaches us about an alternative way to resolve conflict. Kwame Christian is a business lawyer and the director of the American Negotiation Institute

A few books for taking a deeper dive

Crucial Conversations - "Crucial Conversations provides powerful skills to ensure every conversation - especially difficult ones - leads to the results you want. Written in an engaging and witty style, it teaches listeners how to be persuasive rather than abrasive, how to get back to productive dialogue when others blow up or clam up, and it offers powerful skills for mastering high-stakes conversations, regardless of the topic or person."

The 4 Agreements - "The book offers a code of conduct claiming to be based on ancient Toltec wisdom that advocates freedom from self-limiting beliefs that may cause suffering and limitation in a person's life." 1. Be impeccable with your word, 2. Don't take anything personally, 3. Don't make assumptions, 4. Always do your best

Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on it - "Never Split the Difference provides a gripping, behind-the-scenes recounting of dramatic scenarios from the gang-infested streets of Haiti to a Brooklyn bank robbery gone horribly wrong, revealing the negotiation strategies that helped Voss and his colleagues succeed where it mattered most: saving lives. As a world-class negotiator, Voss shows you how to use these skills in the workplace and in every other realm of your life."

Remember - asking for help is not a sign of weakness or failure. There are occasions when a third party is needed or can help. If you find yourself navigating a conflict that continues in spite of attempts at resolution, continues to occur, or feels beyond the scope of your abilities, reach out to your group's executive sponsor, your manager, or a member of the HR team.