Reflections on "Connection"

By: Jenny Kindred, Professor of Communication, School of Communication, Media & Theatre Arts on August 23rd, 2022

I’ve been teaching for over 25 years and in all that time my most enjoyable professional moments have been when I feel truly connected to my students and colleagues. “What does that mean?” you might ask. Well, connection can be hard to define, but to me it’s when a conversation has a sense of ease and flow, and when there is a sense of mutual understanding. I feel understood, and I believe that others do too. I think many of us would agree that with connection, “we know it when we feel it.”

In the past several years, though, that strong sense of connection in and out of the classroom I so enjoyed feeling and cultivating seemed to diminish. Was it because I had done this job for so long that I was not as inspired? Was it related to the pandemic, and all the remote teaching and meetings we have all had to endure? Was it something else? Probably all of the above.

For me personally, the significant experience of going through a divorce five years ago motivated me to do some inner work. As a communication teacher and scholar, this led me to explore the ideas behind Nonviolent Communication (NVC). Through NVC, I learned ways of communicating that helped me to foster deeper and more meaningful connections in my personal life. And, in the last year or so, I have seen these methods make a significant impact on my professional life as well, both in and out of the classroom.

Nonviolent Communication is a “specific approach to communicating—both speaking and listening—that leads us to give from the heart, connecting us with ourselves and with each other in a way that allows our natural compassion to flourish.” Nonviolent Communication is based on the premise that we can speak and act in ways that are hurtful and harmful (such as judging, blaming, bullying, criticizing, etc.) and provides guidance for more authentic and “nonviolent” or “compassionate” ways of communicating. We communicate more compassionately when we practice listening and expressing with empathy. And, we practice empathy when we take the time to notice what is happening; become aware of our feelings and the needs behind those feelings; and work to understand the feelings and needs of others. With NVC, the act of connecting at the level of feelings and needs is a simple yet effective tool to move us toward meaningful conversations, even when those conversations are difficult. Ultimately, employing NVC in practice helps to facilitate true, authentic, connections with self and others.

I’m excited to help bring these important ideas and practices to the Faculty Development Center via the upcoming September workshop “Meaningful Conversations: Facilitating Empathic Listening and Mindful Expression” led by an expert and consultant in NVC, Dr. Paula Willoquet. As a former college professor herself, Paula is passionate about sharing with colleagues and students the significant and positive benefits of the practice of compassionate communication. In a recent blog post, Paula writes:

In my experience over the years I've been practicing Nonviolent Communication (also known as Compassionate Communication), I've learned that receiving and giving empathy is an intentional practice of connecting to myself and to others through the universal language of feelings and needs.

When I feel those wonderful feelings I so enjoy (and want more of!), I ask myself “What needs have been met that bring me to feel such joy, or calm, or excitement, or gratitude, or peace?” Is it that my need for connection, or understanding, or support, or relaxation has been met? And when I feel those difficult and unpleasant feelings such as sadness, or worry, or fear, or anger, what needs have not been met? Maybe I was needing safety and comfort, or understanding and appreciation, or communication and consideration?

It is this experience of attuning to universal human feelings and needs that has cemented my trust in the transformative power of compassion. Giving and receiving empathy (whether to myself or to others) distinctly changes how I feel in the moment.

At this challenging time in higher education and the world, many of us are searching for ways to reinvigorate thoughtful and authentic connections with those around us. If anything in this blog post sparks your interest, please consider signing up for the workshop. You’ll come away with the tools needed to apply NVC principles and practices to create an open and respectful classroom environment, address conflicts and support class discussion of difficult topics, and neutralize classroom power dynamics.

Paula is excited to share tools for how we all can engage in compassionate communication through the intentional practice of empathic listening and expressing. I hope to see you on September 30!