Talking to a Young Person about Mental Health

Mental health can be a difficult thing to talk about for some people, and even harder to know when to talk or what to ask about.

1. When?

There are some things which give us an idea that a young person is having a mental health crisis and in need of a chat. This might be because;

You’ve noticed a change in their behaviour (Emotions or school performance, or because there’s been a deviation from their normal developmental trajectory).
There are more obvious signs that a conversation needs to happen. For example, self-harm scars or a refusal to eat.
Often their friends will approach a teacher. Indeed, often the friend is desperate to tell someone, as they are burdened by the secret and desperately worried.
And, of course, you should talk to them about mental health if they approach you in a crisis.

2. Who?

Often the person who knows the young person the best and has an established relationship with them.

It is normal to feel worried about talking about mental health, but remember you don’t need to have all the answers.

It is generally important to avoid having different conversations with lots of members of staff, as what is helpful and reparative for the young person is having one good relationship. So one person can tackle the conversation, but not in isolation – talk to guidance and the Mental Health Youth Worker in school for support.

3. Where?

It is best if the conversation happens somewhere calm, quiet and private.

This can often be difficult in a busy school environment, but trying your best to have a space for the young person to open up is important.

Few of us can answer the question

“How are you?”

with full and honest responses the first time it is asked. So think about checking in with that question again once the conversation opens up.

Try to make it as easy for the young person as possible, in a space they feel comfortable with someone they trust.

4. Why am I having this conversation with the Child or Young Person?

It is not your job to diagnose, solve, treat or provide a therapy, but mental health cannot be separated from the rest of the child, and it is inevitable that some of what is happening will emerge in a school context.

Teachers and staff should be clear about the purpose of the conversation, and keeping that purpose in mind during any conversations will help you keep focused.

The purpose may be to;

calm down the immediate crisis
to touch on coping techniques
signpost the pupil to further help

Talking to a child or young person can also protect their friends and peers, preventing contagion from spreading around the school, as the young people see adults taking charge.

5. What to Say?

There are three key elements to conversations about mental health:

Be Honest and Open

Remember to be honest and open about not knowing all the answers

Don’t draw children into confidences. It is ok not to know everything, just be open and explain you will try find out the answer to their question, and arrange a time to meet to update them on the information.

Remember your school’s safeguarding procedure.

Being clear about who you need to tell and why helps children feel safe and secure. Sometimes children might be worried about others finding out, do not promise to keep secrets for them or lie about keeping their information to yourself. Children are clever, and often understand why information needs to be passed on.

Be Curious

Talking to young people about mental health is generally not about knowing stuff, it is about trying to understand. Curiosity is non-threatening and opens up conversations rather than closing them down. Curiosity often leads to sentences such as:

“I noticed…”,

"I wonder if… ?”

“That sounds really difficult for you, can you tell me more about... ?”

"I don't know much about... can you explain it to me?"

Be Empathetic

Empathy is helpful in nearly all mental health situations, and can do little harm.

Empathy is a vastly different state to sympathy: it is based on understanding someone, rather than feeling sorry for that person.

Empathy is not just about being kind and making a connection, although that is obviously the first step.

The experience of having someone understand you, and being with you in your pain, seems to open up opportunities for things to be different. It’s as if the process of sharing the burden allows the space for a different solution to the burden to emerge. Empathy can be used safely and effectively in schools and colleges.

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