Ask Blair is an advice column run by a GPHS student under the alias of Blair. Its purpose is to provide advice to students in search of it. Keep in mind that your responses will most likely be in the next issue of The Scroll. Scroll below to see the answers for last issue's questions.
Within the last three years, we launched the advice column Ask Blair! Everything is 100% anonymous, including my own identity. Though I go by Blair for the purpose of the column, I wouldn’t be surprised if many of you know me outside of The Scroll. I’m a student at GPHS, just like all of you. My goal for the column is to reach out to you guys and do what I can to help you during your times of trouble. Don’t be afraid to send in questions for next month’s issue, and I look forward to writing for you guys in the months to come. Scroll down to enter your own questions for me, Blair!
*A Note from Blair: Since I reach such a wide audience and cater to people of so many different lifestyles and beliefs, it is my goal to remain as unbiased as possible when giving advice. It is for that reason that I ask you to refrain from asking for my personal opinions on politics and the like, as I don't want that to get in the way of being able to help as many people as possible. Thank you for helping me keep Ask Blair! a safe space for everyone!
*Editor's Note: The Scroll's Ask Blair! Column is solely to provide advice, care, and support to students in need. We want to hear from you, and we understand that some of the topics that will be discussed will be emotional and sometimes distressing, but this advice column is not meant to be used as an alternative to any sort of professional therapy or counseling.
Thank you 💜
In this situation, you have to ask yourself exactly how much you like this guy. Do you like him enough that you are willing to be friends, knowing he might not be open to a relationship? Or would that be more painful for you? If that’s the case, then you need to be open with him and essentially give him an ultimatum–if he won’t choose you over the other girl, then he’ll have to lose you altogether. Maybe talking it out with him will change your mind, and you will be willing to stay friends after all, but, worst case scenario, you have to be prepared to walk away. You can try to sway him, but keep in mind that he is a person with his own boundaries. If he chooses the other girl over you, you have to be able to take no for an answer.
The bottom line on this one is, basically, it’s rough. You might just have to be prepared for disappointment. Just remember that if that's the case, it is never your fault. It might just be the right person at the wrong time, or vice versa. When it comes to getting over him, taking some time to yourself and keeping your distance for a while is key.
I know it’s probably not what you want to hear, but I’m wishing you luck anyway.
Love, Blair <3
I have totally been here! In my situation, I was really lucky to have one friend outside of my toxic friend group that introduced me to new people, but if you don’t have that, here’s my advice:
Find someone in one of your classes that you might feel comfortable around, or that you think is cool. Build a study group with people, or sign up for a group project together. The hard thing about being so close to the end of the year is that people are not really making study groups, looking for friends, etc. That said, you can always ask your peers for help with homework or an assignment, and see if that turns into a stronger friendship.
If you have a job, your coworkers are great opportunities for friendship. Ask if anyone wants to get ice cream after work one night, or something similar. You could frame it as an open invitation and bring a few people, so you do not have to talk to someone one-on-one. If any of your co-workers are also students, then you will also have someone to talk to at school.
Another opportunity for friends is neighbors. If you have kids your age on your street or block, you could ask them to walk/drive to school together or something like that. If you like them, then you might start to warm up to each other after a while.
You do not have to ask people to be friends, but you might have to try to spend time with people. If that is just a little outside your comfort zone, it’s okay! Good friends will come in time. You will find areas in your life where you just work well with other people, and you'll be so much happier for it. The examples I listed above might not work out, but they also might lead to unlikely friendships. Trust your gut, and follow your heart’s lead. I hope it works out!
Love, Blair <3
First of all, high school is not about “doing enough”; what matters is the friends and memories you’ve made (I know, it sounds cheesy). You’re about to start a new phase of your life where none of this will really matter anymore, so, I promise, whether you’ve “done enough” or not, it won’t make much of a difference in just a few months or so.
Secondly, graduating can be scary! That’s a perfectly valid feeling to have, and you’re not alone. Just don’t let that fear get the best of you. No matter where you go, you can still talk to your old friends, and relive old memories. You can still visit GP and remember all the fun stuff you did as a teenager. I promise: even though you’re going off on your own, you’re not truly leaving it all behind. There will always be a part of you that remembers.
I wish you luck wherever your next adventure takes you.
Love, Blair <3
Part of school involvement is breaking out of your shell. Here are my tips to push yourself out of your comfort zone:
Don’t do it alone! Bring friends with you to clubs or sports, and try them together! Adventure is always more fun with company.
Get involved through like-minded organizations. Join clubs or groups with people that like the same things or care about the same things as you. Then it’s like doing the hobbies you were already doing, but with new people.
Talk to teachers! Obviously, teachers don’t know you as well as you know yourself, but they might know of some clubs or groups on campus that would suit you. Asking around never hurts, and just by doing that, you’re getting involved in a different way.
Look for things that would look good on a resume. That could mean volunteering, scholarship opportunities, etc. Getting involved always feels a little better when it’s to your advantage.
Joining new groups is always going to be a little scary, but it’s okay! What matters is that you’re making your way there, a little at a time. Take baby steps. It will get easier. I promise.
Love, Blair <3
Never fear, Blair is queer! The first thing to remember when you’re beginning the whole “discovery” process is that your identity is valid no matter what, and it’s okay if you don’t find a label that you like. Some people take comfort in labels, which is also perfectly valid, but just remember not to let it stress you out too much, because your identity is still your identity, regardless of whatever title (or lack thereof) you give it.
Okay, the disclaimer is out of the way, so let’s break it down. How do you explore your gender? The first thing to note is that gender and presentation are not the same. That means the way you dress and/or the pronouns you have don’t necessarily have to “match” your gender. That said, sometimes experimenting with those things can give you a better understanding of your gender. Try wearing clothes that are outside of your comfort zone, or having a few people in your friend group use different pronouns for you for a bit. If you decide you don’t like it, it’s okay! You can always go back or change your mind, but allowing yourself to experience more of the “options” is a good way to better understand yourself and where you stand on the gender spectrum. Additionally, gender can be fluid! You might not feel exactly the same about your gender every day, and that’s okay. When I was questioning, I also looked up the more “obscure” identities under the trans and nonbinary umbrellas. That might be a good way to find people who have already put words to feelings you might be experiencing. Again, don’t feel pressured to put a label on your identity! Some people just call themselves queer, or something along those lines, and that’s just as valid as any other identity.
Sexuality might be a little bit harder to tackle, especially if you don’t have much romantic experience to lead with, but it’s possible! Some questions to ask yourself could be the following:
How would I feel if a (insert gender here) held my hand/kissed me/said “I love you”?
When I’m scrolling online, what genders do I pay the most attention to/tend to look at the longest?
Do I see myself having a spouse when I’m older? What gender are they?
None of these things are foolproof, but they can give you something to think about. The most important thing to remember when you’re questioning is not to dwell on it to the point of stress. Answers will come in time, as you grow and change and learn about the world. It’s okay not to know who you are right now–it’s okay to NEVER fully understand yourself–because what matters is that you live in a way that makes you feel happy. Humans are so deeply nuanced and complex that it’s impossible to know everything about your identity.
I hope I was able to help. Just remember that your happiness is more important than your label. Good luck!
Love, Blair <3
Communication. Communication has always been something I have preached. I think that miscommunication is an evil that rots the world. A lot of relationships tend to end due to miscommunication. As kids and teens, we allow people to disrespect us more than we should, but good, quality friends should treat you with kindness and respect. They put as much effort into the relationship as you do, and they don’t treat you like a chore. I believe that good, quality friendships come with effort. You both make an effort to hang out with each other and to communicate with each other and to tell each other if or when things bother you. People have always said that relationships are 50/50, but that’s not always the case. Sometimes, one person has to put in more effort for a period of time and that is okay-- as long as the other person acknowledges the effort you are putting into the relationship and as long as they are reciprocating the effort. You are worth so much more than making someone else happy. You deserve the same amount of love and respect that you put into the world.
Love, Blair <3
Porchfest is coming up on June 18th. The city blocks off the whole street in the middle of town and different local musicians come together to share their art on the porches of houses. It’s such a fun event where you can appreciate these different artists and get food. It’s also free to go!
Get him flowers, handpicked flowers. I may be biased, but I have never liked flowers from the store. I think that they are a waste of money and so damaging to the environment. Grants Pass is pretty cool in the sense that flowers are everywhere here and they can even be found downtown, so get him flowers and treat him to things, even if it’s not a special occasion.
If you have a little extra money to spend, dinner dates are pretty cool. There are some cheap places downtown and the best time to go is probably First Friday, which is the first Friday (hence the name) of every month, and downtown has a bunch of cool events going on typically.
The Saturday market or the farmer's market at the grasshopper parking lot is also a great date spot. I‘ve always loved going.
I don’t know if you can tell, but I love art and I love nature, so that is what you will get from me. There's a pottery place downtown called Pottery Canvas and Stone that is an amazing place to go, too.
If you don’t want to spend much money, though, you can never go wrong with a picnic or a bike ride, in my opinion.
What I love to do with my partner is go to breakfast before late start on Wednesday. We usually go to a bakery and then head to the park.
Also, remember: a date doesn’t have to be anything big. Your relationship doesn’t have to make sense to anyone except yourselves. Go to Taco Bell and eat a bunch of food. That is still a date. Go to the park and climb a tree. That is still a date. The world has this perception that dates have to be these extravagant events, but they don’t have to be. Do what you both love, not what you think the world wants you to do.
Love Blair <3
