Ask Blair is an advice column run by a GPHS student under the alias of Blair. Its purpose is to provide advice to students in search of it. Keep in mind that your responses will most likely be in the next issue of The Scroll. Scroll below to see the answers for last issue's questions.
*A Note from Blair: Since I reach such a wide audience and cater to people of so many different lifestyles and beliefs, it is my goal to remain as unbiased as possible when giving advice. It is for that reason that I ask you refrain from asking for my personal opinions on politics and the like, as I don't want that to get in the way of being able to help as many people as possible. Thank you for helping me keep Ask Blair! a safe space for everyone!
*Editor's Note: The Scroll's Ask Blair! Column is to solely provide advice, care, and support to students in need. We want to hear from you, and we understand that some of the topics that will be discussed will be emotional and sometimes distressing, but this advice column is not meant to be used as an alternative to any sort of professional therapy or counseling.
Thank you 💜
This is a REALLY rough place to be, but oddly enough, I know someone who actually had something similar happen and it worked out for them, so here’s what I learned from that:
1) BE HONEST WITH YOUR FRIEND. Hiding it from them will never work in your favor. Be upfront. Being transparent is a great way to let them know that you value their friendship. Don’t try anything with their brother that you haven’t told them about– to avoid them finding out from someone else first or them feeling blindsided.
2) Make sure your friend knows that your friendship with them comes first. Assure them that, no matter what, you will always care about them and you don’t want to hurt or lose them. They’ll be a lot more receptive and understanding if they can trust you.
3) Be honest with their brother, too. If you’re trying to pursue something with them, be honest about the situation before you get too far along and you can’t reverse it. Make sure they know that their sibling is important to you, and you don’t want one to come between your relationships with the other.
4) Respect your friend and their brother’s decisions! If your friend doesn’t think it’s right for you to be with them, just know that choosing to go against their word means you might have to choose between them, which isn’t a decision I can really help you make. That has to come from your heart. On the other hand, if the brother thinks it’s weird to date their sibling’s friend or someone younger than them or whatever, you have to respect that, too. Just like with every relationship, no means no and continued pursuance won’t change their mind.
Good luck! This is a tough road to navigate, but if you’re careful and patient, you’ll figure something out, I promise! As long as you maintain open communication with both parties, there’s no reason for you to lose both of them entirely (unless they suck. Then they’re not worth your time.). Wishing the best for you and your relationships. <3
Love, Blair.
The thing about Grants Pass is we have a lot of restaurants, but not a ton of options. The majority of restaurants around here are pizza or burgers. That said, if you know what to look for, you might be able to find something! The one big thing to be mindful of is hours of operation; once you’ve picked a place, you have to double and triple check that they’ll be open when you take your date out, because the restaurants in this town tend to have pretty conservative hours.
Step one is figuring out what your date likes! You could ask them directly, or if you’re trying to be discreet, recruit a friend of yours or theirs to do a little digging. That will help you narrow it down. If it turns out their favorite is pizza or burgers, like I mentioned before, you would have a lot of options, but if it’s something more niche, you might have to do some deeper searching, so here are some of my favorite restaurants that might fall under a different category:
For Thai food: The Royal Barge has the best food, but the vibe in Pong Sri’s might be a little more romantic.
For Japanese food: Ahi Sushi for sushi and noodles, Matsukaze for most other things.
For Mexican food: Casa Amiga is my favorite, but again, doesn’t have the most romantic vibe. El Molcajete is also really good, and has a slightly fancier vibe.
For Indian food: I’m not as experienced with this category, but I had a good experience at The Taste of India. I would recommend doing a little more research for this one, just because I think that’s the only one in town, but I could be wrong.
For seafood: I’ve generally had good experiences with The Laughing Clam. I’ve heard One Fifteen Broiler is also pretty good, but it's a little pricier, so I would say to check them out and make your own call on that one.
For pasta: I hate to break it to you, but unless you want pizza, the Italian options in this town are a little lacking for my very stuck-up taste (sorry, not sorry). Not a ton of places even have pasta, but Oregon Pizza and Pour Authority has a pretty decent menu, and I’ve heard good things about Fat Tony’s. I just don’t know if the vibe is date-worthy.
If you want pizza, Catalyst Pizza is a food truck at The Weekend that has the most authentic Italian pizza I’ve been able to find in this town, but the restaurant is definitely on the more casual side. Mountain Mike’s also has really good food, but I haven’t been inside to see how nice it is. The Haul is a little casual, but overall pretty nice, and I would consider it a solid option.
Climate City is a good option for burgers, as is Circle J on G street.
This is just a bunch of “data” I’ve kind of accumulated over the years that just came with living here, so you might have had different experiences and opinions than me, which is totally fine! A lot of it just comes down to taste and preferences, so I obviously can’t make all the judgement calls for you. Trust your gut! What makes a date enjoyable isn’t just the food; if you guys are a good pair, I’m sure you’ll have a great time! Good luck, and don’t stress about the restaurant too much! You’ve got this!
Love, Blair.
I totally feel you on this one! Especially with finals and the end of the semester, it feels IMPOSSIBLE to get everything done right now, and I 100% empathize with you. Here are my best tips:
1) Prioritize! There will be times where, between work, school, clubs, etc., you literally cannot get everything done, and that’s okay. Make a list of everything you need to do and just focus on the most important stuff. Put the things with the biggest effect on your grade or that take the most time at the top of your list and just make it your goal to get those things done. If your other grades can handle taking the hit from missing an assignment or two, it’s not giving up as long as you make a point to devote more time to that class later, when your other classes are more or less handled. For instance, I’m really good in my English classes, so sometimes those assignments end up on the back burner (and I occasionally miss them all together) because, in the long term, I will still have an A. Be warned, because you can’t completely ignore those classes forever, but it’s okay if you just can’t make every single assignment. Don’t stretch yourself too thin.
2) Make small goals. I mean, like, really small. Break bigger assignments into little chunks and make it a goal to finish one chunk, then another, and so on. Give yourself a five to ten-minute break when you complete a goal to keep the dopamine flowing, then get back into it. Set an alarm for your breaks if it helps you get back on task. Frequent breaks and small, attainable goals make it feel like you’re doing a lot more than you are, so you’re motivated to keep going and then you can feel proud of yourself for accomplishing a lot (which you should be!) at the end of the day, which makes you more willing to do it again the next day. It makes work feel easier and less overwhelming by just taking it a little bit at a time.
3) Pavlov yourself. Assign all of your classes a particular snack or drink that you really like and every time you study or do homework for that class, have a little serving of that snack or drink so, after a while, you start associating that class with that snack. For instance, maybe English is peppermint tea, and math is Goldfish. The harder or more annoying the class, make it a better treat. It makes it easier to get started because you associate the task with the dopamine that comes from the little treat you give yourself. If it doesn’t seem to be working or you find the treat too distracting, only have it when you’ve finished the task or completed a goal so you’re motivated to get the task done.
4) Study groups! For some people, this might be a distraction, but for me, just having someone sitting in the room with me or hanging out with me while I work actually helps me get work done. Find someone you’re close with to just sit in a comfortable silence with you while you work, even if you’re not working on the same thing, but having someone to help you on the work you’re doing can also be helpful.
Those are some of the tips I use to motivate myself, so I hope they help! Good luck, and remember to be gentle with yourself! Your mental health ALWAYS comes first!!!
Love, Blair.
I would be lying if I said I have never felt this way. (Blair swings both ways, confirmed!) The hard part about this is that attraction is a different experience for everyone! The way you experience romantic attraction might not feel the same as the way your friends feel it, or your peers feel it, or your family feels it, etc. For me, romantic love feels warm and tingly, but not everyone feels a physical sensation for their feelings, and even then, it’s a little different for every person you might feel them for. The biggest way I can tell them apart (which is still difficult, because, like you said, LGBT+ relationships can be so much more nuanced than straight relationships) is what you want to do with them. I would recommend taking a love language test and figuring out what your main love language(s) is/are, and then the strength of your desire to do whatever it is with the people around you can help you differentiate between the levels of attraction. For instance, my love language is physical affection, so I’m comfortable with hugging or sitting close to my friends, but with my partner, I more want to hold their hand, have an arm around them all the time, etc. I have a stronger desire to be affectionate with my partner than with my friends, which is how I know my feelings for them are romantic. Like I said, these feelings are a little different for everyone, and when society has conditioned you to feel a certain way about certain genders, it can be harder to differentiate these feelings between people of the same gender, but that’s the best way I’ve found to be able to set them apart.
Good luck! I wish I could be of more help, but if you trust your gut, I promise everything will work out with time.
Love, Blair.
