In this informative article, Hailie explores the reasoning behind giving compliments and the significance in knowing how to accept them. Learn about the benefits that come from complimenting and the way they impact our lives.
Abraham Lincoln once said, “Everyone likes a compliment.” It is hard to deny this claim when a single compliment has been shown to possess the power to bring a smile to the face of nearly any person who receives one. While a simple comment on the appearance of a stranger's shoes or the quality of a friend's eyes may seem inconsequential, it has been shown that the opposite is true. Compliments can increase the overall happiness of an individual, as well as their productivity. However, one of the reasons compliments may seem like a rare treasure is due to the difficulty people often have both giving and receiving them. Even if this is the case, words of praise and encouragement are both necessary and important, especially in these trying times.
Unfortunately, with compliments being a standard aspect of social proceedings, they can often be seen as natural and common. This can make it easy for one to underestimate the true importance they hold. The action of giving a person a compliment can have a positive effect on both the giver and the recipient. Studies have shown that not only does a compliment improve the emotional state of an individual, but their work performance, as well. Harvard Business Review states, “Expressing praise and gratitude is particularly important for keeping up morale. Gratitude makes people feel valued, and positive feedback has shown to mitigate the negative effects of stress on employee performance.” Therefore, an encouraging environment is able to make everyone in said environment feel more at ease. This is crucial in a workplace, given that the workplace itself is one of the largest sources of employee stress. Feel free to give this information to your employer, if needed.
However, work is not the only instance where compliments can have a positive effect. Bustle highlights the importance of compliments in relationships. As relationship expert Nancy Ruth Deen states in an interview with Bustle, “Compliments are multi-beneficial. Not only do they make us feel good when we receive them, we also feel acknowledged by our partner.” In research by Dr. John Gottman, it was found that, for every individual in a relationship, having a ratio of five positive interactions for every negative one with their partner can be beneficial towards making it a lasting relationship.
Along with the benefits of complimenting that can be received in a relationship or workspace, there are other reasons to “give someone a pat on the back.” According to Lifehack, compliments can be a good way to focus on something positive, build trust in others, spark creativity, and share compassion. Overall, there is no evidence that shows giving compliments has a downside, or negative effect.
Compliments have been shown to be extremely valuable in multiple experiments. According to Harvard Business Review, two separate lines of conducted research took place, where participants were asked how they thought another person would react to being given a compliment. The experiment was tested with both friends and strangers, which produced a consistent result. They underestimated the positive effects of complimenting. Harvard Business Review states, “Compliment-givers tend to believe the other person won’t enjoy their interaction as much as they usually do; in fact, they often believe that their exchange will probably make the person a little uncomfortable. Yet, consistently, receiving a compliment brightens people’s day much more than anticipated, leaving them feeling better, and less uncomfortable, than givers expect.” While the givers of compliments did not fully realize the effect they could have on the receiver, it is clear that the giving of the compliment was both appreciated and beneficial, thus proving that, even while it may seem like some kind words will not change anything, they can actually make a large difference to the individual who receives them.
A study led by Professor Norihiro Sadato at the National Institute of Physiological Sciences in Japan revealed that receiving a compliment had the same effect on the brain as receiving payment. Forbes explains that, during this study, forty-eight adults were recruited and asked to type a certain sequence of keys on a keyboard as fast as possible for thirty seconds. The adults were separated into three groups for this experiment. One group would be complimented by an evaluator while they typed, while another group would watch participants receive a compliment. The third group would evaluate themselves by graphing. According to Forbes, “When the participants were asked to repeat the exercise the next day, the group of participants who received direct compliments from an evaluator performed significantly better than participants from the other groups. The result indicates that receiving a compliment after exercising stimulated the individuals to perform better even a full day afterward.” This further goes to show the way compliments can help with the performance of workers.
The similarity of the feelings the participants got from receiving compliments to that of getting paid is discussed by Professor Sadato. She explains, “To the brain, receiving a compliment is as much as a social reward as being rewarded money. We’ve been able to find scientific proof that a person performs better when they receive a social reward after completing an exercise. Complimenting someone could become an easy and effective strategy to use in the classroom and rehabilitation.” Previously, the researchers had discovered that a part of the brain, called the striatum, is activated when a person is rewarded with either a compliment or money. It seems that compliments for our efforts can be as prized as the payment that one usually puts in such effort to receive. It is apparent that receiving gratitude is more valued and treasured than most may expect.
While compliments have proven themselves to be both important and beneficial, there are certain reasons why one might hold back from giving one, and why certain individuals have trouble accepting them. Harvard Business Review explores this, claiming, “When it comes to deciding whether to express praise or appreciation to another person, doubt creeps in. We find that people are overly concerned about their ability to convey praise skillfully, and their anxiety leaves them overly pessimistic about the effects their messages will have.” It is truly unfortunate that one would feel so anxious and fearful about giving the compliment that it stops them from proceeding with an action that has been proven to cause a sense of joy. Harvard Business Review adds salt to this by describing how even the receiver of a compliment can have mixed feelings about the process, leaving them unable to comprehend how much they actually appreciate the compliment they were given. “To make matters worse, even after receiving a compliment, when we asked people to reflect on how the other person felt, they were unable to adequately update their beliefs. They couldn’t realize the full benefit, and still underestimate their compliments value, suggesting this bias is particularly sticky.”
Harvard Business Review recommends looking at the compliment one gives as if they were the recipient, and try to see it from their perspective. This could encourage the individual to go ahead and give the compliment, despite their own reservations, because they know the happiness that the recipient may receive. Another reason why a person might shy away from giving compliments is because they worry about coming off as insincere. It is safe to say that no one wants to appear falsely kind or saccharine. However, if one knows they are being genuine, then there is no reason to show some compassion towards another. Even if it may seem awkward or uncomfortable, the end product will leave both parties better off.
Giving and accepting compliments can come with challenges for some. Even so, there are ways to combat this resistance to praise. In an interview with Insider, Rachel Sussman, psychotherapist and New York City relationship expert, stated, “A good compliment doesn’t have to be related to one’s appearance. Commending someone for a character trait, an achievement, or an effort they put into doing something such as preparing a meal can go a long way.” Compliments don’t have to be overly eloquent or sophisticated, as long as they come from the heart. NBC News claims that the key to compliments is sincerity and attention to detail. Noticing what particular point a person was making in their speech could be more effective and sincere than just complimenting them on the speech as a whole. According to NBC News, “Calling out something specific shows the other person you’re interested and paying attention.” Another way to make sure that the compliment one is planning to give is genuine is to notice the effort and impact that goes along with the subject one might compliment a person on. It can mean a lot to an individual when a person appreciates the work that goes into their end product. A book doesn’t just write itself. On the accepting compliments spectrum, there are a few tips that can be helpful towards that as well. Instead of instantly complimenting the complimenter back or trying to divert the attention they’ve given with a joke, it is better for one to tell them what their compliments significance. Expanding on the topic of the complement is also a good option, as it shows engagement in the conversation. However, when all else fails, it is often best to just say, “Thank you.”
The importance of compliments can not be underestimated or overlooked. They not only have several positive emotional effects, but can also lead to proven performance enhancement. While the effort to dish out a compliment might seem overwhelming at times, it is certainly worth it. With a million gifts in the world for a person to give, evidently, nothing beats an old fashioned compliment.
