Ask Blair is an advice column run by a GPHS student under the alias of Blair. Its purpose is to provide advice to students in search of it. Keep in mind that your responses will most likely be in the next issue of The Scroll. Scroll below to see the answers for last issue's questions.
Within the last two years, we launched the advice column Ask Blair! Everything is 100% anonymous, including my own identity. Though I go by Blair for the purpose of the column, I wouldn’t be surprised if many of you know me outside of The Scroll. I’m a student at GPHS, just like all of you. My goal for the column is to reach out to you guys and do what I can to help you during your times of trouble. Don’t be afraid to send in questions for next month’s issue, and I look forward to writing for you guys in the months to come. Scroll down to enter your own questions for me, Blair!
*A Note from Blair: Since I reach such a wide audience and cater to people of so many different lifestyles and beliefs, it is my goal to remain as unbiased as possible when giving advice. It is for that reason that I ask you to refrain from asking for my personal opinions on politics and the like, as I don't want that to get in the way of being able to help as many people as possible. Thank you for helping me keep Ask Blair! a safe space for everyone!
*Editor's Note: The Scroll's Ask Blair! Column is solely to provide advice, care, and support to students in need. We want to hear from you, and we understand that some of the topics that will be discussed will be emotional and sometimes distressing, but this advice column is not meant to be used as an alternative to any sort of professional therapy or counseling.
Thank you 💜
I think it is just something that is programmed into us, unfortunately. As humans, we tend to think about the negative more than the positive because we want to know what are threats to us and what are not. I think, in today's society, the things we judge are often not really threats. What constitutes a threat to us has turned into silly little things like what clothes people wear, what our body looks like, and what color hair other people have. If you are looking for advice on how to not let the judgment of others affect us or how to change the fact that people judge a lot, well, you won’t get very helpful advice here. We get back what we project to the world, especially in the way we judge. If the first thought we think of someone else is positive, then I personally think that will come back to us.
Love, Blair <3
Well, I apologize that spring break is now over and April has now sprung, but I will answer this for you anyway. Since we have passed spring break and summer is only a few months away, this is your sign to make a PowerPoint to your parents on why you should go somewhere in the summer. I do not know where you are planning to go, but wherever it may be, make that PowerPoint worth it!
Love, Blair <3
I wish I could tell you that this will never happen and that the friends you have right now will be the friends you will keep forever but, as much as it pains me to say it, that is just not always true. Is your friendship worth fighting for? If so, then don’t let that friend go. If it isn’t worth fighting for, then what is your motivation to keep holding on? I have always believed that relationships are not always 50/50; on bad days, sometimes, it is 70/30, and others, it’s 40/60. This is never a bad thing, as long as effort is reciprocated through all parties in relationships. I have always been in and out of friendships, just because friends have moved, they don’t put in enough effort, or I did something to mess it up. Through that, I have learned that there is nothing wrong with being alone. Learning to walk through life is one of the most useful skills to learn, in my opinion. Just from your small inquiry, the best advice I can give you is to talk to your friend about it if you feel like they will listen. If you want to stay friends with them, then let them know. Say something like, "I really do not want our friendship to end, and I feel like we are drifting apart. Is there a solution we can come up with together?” If you don’t think they will take this conversation seriously or positively, then maybe that relationship isn’t one you are supposed to be in. I will always stress communication and honesty over anything. I would rather be honest and lose a friend that didn’t deserve me than keep things to myself just to make someone else a little bit happier, as selfish as that may sound. Don’t stay in a friendship if you are the only one making an effort. Don’t stay in a relationship if you are the only person fighting to keep the friendship alive. I promise that, if you leave friendships that don’t give you what you need, you will attract friendships that will give you what you need.
Love, Blair <3
I’ve answered a pretty similar question before about a girl, but I think a lot of my response still applies with guys. First, and most importantly: NO MEANS NO. I am not saying to prepare for rejection, BUT, if they say no, you absolutely need to accept it and just move on. Their comfort comes first.
Cool. Now that that’s out of the way, how should you go about asking them out? This depends on the guy in question. For starters, you need to decide whether they would appreciate a casual or a formal ask-out more. It might seem like big and grand ask-outs are always the way to go, but some people don’t want the attention, and would appreciate something more intimate and personal. It’s also important to consider how well you know them. If you’re already friends or acquaintances and you’re friendly with each other, a grand ask-out might be more appropriate, but if you don't know each other very well, it might make them more uncomfortable than flattered, or it could pressure them into giving an answer they don’t really feel. That’s your call, but choose wisely. That choice might determine whether you ask them in public, in front of friends, or in private, with just the two of you. You could think about location as a factor; are you asking them at home, at school, at a club or sport practice? Will that make it more or less personal? Do you want to do it somewhere secluded during lunch, or in the cafeteria before school? Also, what are your intentions with the date? Do you want to get to know them better and ultimately take your time with the relationship, or do you want to be together by the end of the date?
You should also probably know what the date is before you ask them. Find out what types of food they like to help you pick a restaurant, or what other activities they would enjoy. Be prepared to pay, because it’s a general rule of thumb that whoever asks pays, so be thinking about your budget, but have some wiggle room.
Another important thing to mention is that you need to make it clear it is a DATE, and not just hanging out. That might mean making sure to use the word “date” in your ask-out, as opposed to something like, “Do you wanna get dinner some time?” You’d be surprised how many people have a hard time reading those kinds of social cues, so make sure it’s clear.
Quite frankly, depending on the choices those tips led you to, I can’t really give you a step-by-step process. If you truly want it to be personal and heartfelt, you have to put the pieces together by yourself. For another response from last year that you might find relevant, click here.
Good luck! Keep me updated ;)
Love, Blair <3
Life is… very tiring, at times. It’s always a good idea to have a few things to do to decompress when you need it, so here are some of the ones I’m fond of!
It helps to have a creative hobby that you can turn to to destress. For repetitive movements that you can zone out with (or hyper-focus on, depending on your mindset), try knitting or crochet. Crochet is the easier of the two (in my experience), and it doesn’t require a ton of materials. All you need is a hook and some yarn, and they’re both fairly cheap from Joann’s (and if you get the app, there’s a TON of coupons to make them even cheaper. This is not sponsored). You can look up tutorials for absolute beginners on YouTube to get started, and before you know it, you’ll be an expert! I can also think of a few Scroll members that would be willing to help you get started ;). Some other creative hobbies to consider could be music or an instrument. Ukulele is easy to get into, and the music is fairly easy to read, so you can read through songs really quickly. You really only need to know a few chords, and as you learn more songs, you’ll gradually learn more. It’s a nice way to let your feelings out in a way that sounds nice. I also recommend music production as a hobby, because sometimes, you don’t have the skills to play the instruments you need to get your thoughts across, and that’s okay! Programs like GarageBand and BandLab (which can run on a Chromebook!) are some great affordable options to get started, with a small learning curve. Unless you plan to record something directly, you don’t need any additional equipment.
Also, this one is obvious (coming from a school newspaper), but writing is a great way to clear your mind. You can dump your feelings on paper or onto a Google Doc, and then no one ever has to see it. Poetry has absolutely no rules, which makes it easy to get into, and if you decide you like it, you can always submit it to Creative Corner. It’s one of my go-to’s when it comes to emptying your mind, because you can rip it up and throw the feelings away.
When it comes to school-related stress, like tests and such, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. I’ve totally been there! It helps to have a place to go and sit in silence. Honestly, sometimes just pure silence is the most soothing experience in the world, and it’s a great way to remove distractions and put your thoughts in order. Some good places to go could be either our school library or the public library, especially the young adult section, which is its own room with places to sit and it’s rarely busy. I also recommend getting some sun and fresh air, which could mean taking a stroll in the all sports park, or just walking around your neighborhood. If it’s something you’re into, skateboarding or biking is also an option. I also recommend having some calm music to listen to while you walk. That kind of thing will definitely clear your head, which might be all you need to get your stress or other emotions under control.
Remember, no matter who you are, it’s okay to take a break! I think everyone should have at least one hobby or activity to turn to when they haven’t given themselves a break in awhile. Try to give yourself at least thirty minutes a day or so to take part in something that you enjoy to maintain some balance in your life between work and play (and no, scrolling absolutely does NOT count). Your mental health always comes first!
Love, Blair <3
Listen to me. Listen to me right now. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO FEEL EMOTIONS. Your emotions are allowed to be dramatic, and you’re allowed to let your emotions MAKE you dramatic or annoying sometimes. That is one hundred percent okay! Absolutely do NOT, I repeat, do NOT, under any circumstances, bottle up your feelings because you’re afraid they’ll make you dramatic or annoying. Your feelings are ALWAYS valid, and it is ALWAYS acceptable to feel them.
Now, that being said, I understand the desire to communicate efficiently despite whatever emotions you’re feeling. Luckily for you, I am an absolute BOSS at hiding my emotions (do as I say, not as I do), so you came to the right place! My biggest tip is to simply avoid people when you’re overly emotional. Don’t try to have serious or important conversations when you are overwhelmed emotionally. It’s okay to say something like, “Can we talk about this later? I’m not in the right mental place for this right now,” or, “I promise we will discuss this later, but now really is not a good time.” This ensures that when you DO discuss whatever it is, you can better communicate your thoughts. Secondly, when you need to communicate while experiencing heightened emotions, take your time! Before saying ANYTHING, think through the words you want to say and make sure you’re not saying anything you can’t take back in the heat of the moment. Breathe carefully and do your best to process everything fully. If you need to, put a hand up or do some other kind of hand signal to show that you’re thinking, and take a good ten to fifteen seconds to decide how to respond. This is really easy when you’re communicating online, whether it’s over text or in a comment section. Don’t send texts or comments until you’ve proofread them and made sure the core of what you’re trying to say is discernible.
As I said earlier, your feelings are ALWAYS VALID. It’s okay to sound emotional if you ARE emotional. If someone can’t get with that, that is on them, not on you, as long as you don’t say anything hurtful.
Love, Blair <3
Keep pushing. Keep pushing and find your worth. I can guarantee that you are worth every diamond that lies on the face of this earth, but you need to believe that in yourself. Knowing your worth and being willing to change and control the things that are yours, like the friends you keep in your life, the grades you fight for, and the respect you are given will make navigating life a lot easier. You are worth being respected, you are worth a diploma at graduation, you are worth good grades, worth good friends, worth good relationships, but I can’t be the only one telling you that. You need to be the one telling yourself that and believing that. You are loveable even when you feel broken. You fuel so much in your life, find that energy to keep going forward. Things will go somewhere when you start believing they will. Cherish your baby steps, getting an assignment in, finding a good friend, taking care of yourself. Focusing on the little things will make pushing more enjoyable.
Love, Blair <3
Being Blair is a double-edged sword. Sometimes, I really love my job, and it’s really rewarding to get to connect with so many people on such a deep level. It’s also fun sometimes to do research for people. For instance, last month, I spent an hour Googling restaurants in Grants Pass in order to give someone tips for their first date. That kind of stuff is a nice break from some of the other work I have going on in the Scroll and with school. That said, nothing worthwhile is easy. Some questions have been really loaded or personal, and I have to get second opinions from people with more experience in the area. I actually don’t have the expertise to answer every question I’m asked, but I still find a way to get an answer I’m confident will be helpful to someone. That said, there isn’t always a right answer to every question, and then I have to spend a lot more time deciding how I should respond in a way that isn’t discouraging. Don’t get me wrong; Blair is one of the best things I’ve been able to create here at the Scroll. But in general, yes, it is hard, and it’s not a task I would trust to just anyone.
I hope that’s what you were looking for. Love, Blair <3
YES. ABSOLUTELY YES.
I am not currently a student athlete, but I was for a very long time. You’ll never guess why I’m not anymore. The activities I used to love became something I dreaded every day because I was spending such an absurd amount of time on them. Also, I’m not in a ton of extracurriculars, but I had one activity that met once a week and was way more important to me than the sport I was a part of, but my coach wouldn’t let me miss ONE DAY a week to attend that activity, and I was even MORE miserable.
I know that teams only have so much time to train for their competitions and such, but we really need to value our students’ mental health over the awards they’re winning. I feel confident that time off would actually strengthen their improvement, because they would have the strength to have an effective training session after taking a day to recover. So many athletes overtrain and injure themselves every season. I adamantly refused to train outside of scheduled practice times for that reason, and I still sustained injuries (some of which were pretty long-term) due to overtraining. On top of that, students have jobs and homework and personal lives that have to take the back burner during their competitive seasons, and that doesn’t seem fair to me at ALL.
Also, most sports require certain grades in order to continue participating in the activity, but how are student athletes supposed to complete homework if they are training five days a week? Students should not have to come home from a three-hour workout every day and do homework. Too many student athletes stay up until ungodly hours of the morning doing homework because they had practice after school.
I think two to three days a week, or every other day with alternating weeks, is a much healthier model for a school sports team. Students shouldn’t have to sign away their lives to do an activity they like. More students would compete if there was a lighter schedule, and regular competitors would be just as, if not more, successful. That’s just about all I have to say on the subject.
Love, Blair <3
I received really similar questions to this one last month, as well as the month before (click here to see February, and click here to see March). To give you the gist: set small goals, prioritize tasks, and make study groups. I also discussed artificial motivation and willpower in the March issue, as well as scheduling your time wisely. I won’t get into it here because those last responses were so lengthy, so I highly recommend checking those out.
Love Blair <3
This one’s a bit sticky because there are a few contradicting pieces in play here. For one, you are your own person and have the right to do whatever you want to do (in theory) without your friends’ permission. That said, your friend also has the right to set boundaries. So, where is the happy medium?
First of all, you need to understand why exactly your friend feels so strongly about the guy. If he did something to wrong them or offend them in the past, then you need to help them make peace with the situation. Maybe they have heard a rumor of some kind about them that gave them a bad impression of him. You could show them your messages to prove he is as nice, as you say he is, or even organize a meeting between them. If given the opportunity to prove himself, the situation might easily remedy itself.
That said, life doesn’t always work that way. In the case that they can’t make peace with him, you need to communicate your own boundaries. Explain that you value both of their friendships and you don’t want to have to choose. A possible solution could be one I’ve used before. My partner had a friend that I really did not like, but as long as their relationship with me is kept separate from their relationship with them, it’s all good. You could suggest that you will simply do your best to keep those relationships separate and it does not have to affect your friendship. Assure them that, while you value their opinion, your boundaries are just as important as theirs and they need to leave you be. There are some extenuating circumstances but, in general, I think it’s safe to say that they should not be able to dictate your choices.
In a perfect world, your problem would be solved, but you might also come to terms with the fact that it might just simply not work out. I wish I had a magic solution that would bring you the perfect happy medium, but I don’t. All I can offer you here is clear communication and understanding for the best results, but it’s also possible that you can’t have both. I wish you the best of luck.
Love, Blair <3
I relate to this SO HARD. First of all, it’s totally okay to be a little more quiet or reserved in class, and we should really do away with participation-based grades for that reason. That said, being able to advocate for yourself is an important life skill to have, and school is a great place to get used to it. Here are some of my best tips:
1) Write things down before you say them. As you start taking yourself out of your comfort zone, having a script to read off of helps you to speak a little bit more confidently, and writing it gives you time to fully process and choose your words properly. As you get more comfortable, write less, like jotted bullet points, and work your way to the point where you don’t need the paper anymore.
2) Rehearse things in your head before you say them. I have always done this when it came to reading out loud in class or ordering at a restaurant, and it has helped me to decide what I want to say before I say it, or to notice any words or phrases that might trip me up. The hard part about this is being able to also retain what other people have said or what you are missing while you are rehearsing but, with practice, it will feel more natural.
3) Pretend that no one else is there. A bit cliche, but public speaking can often feel like a performance, so treat it as such! Use the same tips people have been using for centuries to perform. Pretend your classmates aren’t there, or that they are all wearing something silly so you can’t take them seriously. In all seriousness, just do whatever you have to do to remind yourself that their perception of you is not what matters in this moment and, as you become more comfortable, it will become easier to ignore them.
The biggest tip I can give you is to just have faith in yourself and make the leap. Little life hacks can help, but it will still be scary at first, and that’s okay! Just go for it, and I promise it will be fine. If you stumble over your words or feel like you embarrassed yourself, I guarantee no one will remember within the next ten minutes. Good luck! I believe in you!
Love, Blair <3
