The Introduction:

“It’s a man’s world,” but it doesn’t have to be. What if women learned how to use their femininity to not only get ahead in the business world, but to also strengthen their leadership abilities? Sally Helgesen studies this concept first-hand in her book The Female Advantage: Women's Ways of Leadership, which explores what sets women leaders apart in the workplace and how these differences make a tremendous impact. Under the belief that the adoption of masculinity is essential for women’s success, I was eager to be proven wrong upon starting this book. By the time I got through the first chapter, I quickly admitted defeat.

The Review:

So, what was so convincing? Starting off, Helgesen outlines the diary study of Henry Mintzberg, a renowned management scientist, which focuses on the worklife patterns of highly successful, male executives. He found that these men worked at such obnoxiously fast paces that they had little to no time for breaks, conversations, interruptions, or reflection, leaving them unable to detach themselves from their jobs. While these men claimed happiness from their personal success, they also endured ‘quiet desperation,’ or suffering in silence, from sacrificing valuable personal and family time. As one of them put simply, “After forty-five years of marriage, I hardly know my wife” (Helgesen, 1990, p. 16). After reading that, I quickly decided something clearly isn’t right with this masculine way of work. 

For her Mintzberg-like diary study, Sally Helgesen follows four highly successful, female executives who work in diverse industries and possess unique personalities. This way, she was able to gain more insight into these professionals' lives than typical qualitative studies, like questionnaires and surveys. Despite these differences, Helgesen uncovered eight, lengthy patterns within each of the women’s leadership styles which she outlines shortly after revealing Mintzberg’s eight patterns of the men. The immediate comparison of her work and Mintzberg’s illustrated the unique differences between men and women’s leadership styles.

The juxtaposition of women’s and men’s work patterns marked the beginning of a superburb organizational tactic of Helgesen. Instead of outlining her arguments precisely, she gave an overview of the day-to-day lives of these successful people to illustrate common themes between them, almost as a way to prime the reader for the rest of the book. Ironically enough, she proved one of her own points stating that “Women don’t use arguments, they use anecdotes,” which is precisely what she did (Helgesen, 1990, p. 28). 

To describe potential causes for these differences in leadership, The Female Advantage pulled noteworthy examples that illustrate how socialization of both genders make differences inevitable. Since childhood, girls learn “cooperation over competition” when playing ‘girl games’ with fluid rules, like playing house or even four-square, while boys learn to put winning ahead in sports. This trend follows throughout the book as she dives deeper into mens “strategy” at work vs. women’s “strategy,” or lack thereof. She discovers that men see work as a means to an end and aim for completion, while women are comfortable in the continual process, because most women know work is never really complete. Perhaps one of the most amusing examples Helgesen used was how women are innately gatherers, a task that was ongoing, whereas men used to head out together and complete one large task, hunting an animal, then rest till the next big hunt.

A key distinction Helgesen highlights is how women and men find authority. Men tend to feel more comfortable in a hierarchy because they can continually move up and gain more power. Whereas, female leaders create a “web of inclusion.” This web puts the executive in the middle, with expanding rings of teams outside that all communicate with each other so that “every point of contact is also a point of connection” (Helgesen, 1990, p. 49). Helgesen attaches this parallel to motherhood by smoothly noting that women are always “knitting together the fabric of human life” (Helgesen, 1990, p. 60).

After describing where these differences stand, she goes into diary study, giving each woman a chapter of personal explanation and analysis. While Helgesen had already noted the patterns she found, I discovered some of my own favorites:

1. It All Boils Down to Relationships!

Every part of success outlined in these women’s lives is because of their thoughtfulness and reliance on relationships. The women’s ability for work-life balance, healthy power distribution, connections inside and outside of their companies, and advancements in their careers can be accredited to their desire for relationships. This resonated deeply with me. When reflecting throughout this semester on the leadership styles I desire, it always comes back to relationships. I guess that’s just part of being feminine! A quote that stuck out to me that made me feel secure in the reliance on relationships was that, “I never wanted success if it meant clawing my way over other bodies…I always knew that would make it pretty lonely once I got there” (Helgesen, 1990, p. 48).

2. Intuition and Trusting the Process

Some of the female executives noted that they never wrote out goals or visions because they relied on fate and intuition to begin and drive their careers. My main mantra is that “everything happens for a reason,” so it was comforting to hear that these women found success while focusing on self fulfillment and personal growth instead of making a list to check off. This was supported by many accounts of the executives specifically stating that they rely on their guts, and their workers just had to trust them. Perfectly enough, “the spinning goddesses of Germanic and Greek myth were also the goddesses of fate” (Helgesen, 1990, p. 60).

3. Breaking The Mold

Each of the women had their own unique ways of displaying their femininity. One of the most unexpected examples was the president of Western Industrial Contractors, Barbara Grogan’s, refusal of implied no-hug policies. Initially met with discomfort, she continually went out of her way to display love and enthusiasm to the men and women in her workplace. “I wasn’t going to let men determine all the rules!” (Helgesen, 1990, p. 136). Eventually, it came to a point where people expected hugs from her. I found a deep appreciation for her persistence of staying true to herself. Her best quote was, “Women have a mission to humanize the workplace by expressing their love, joy, enthusiasm, and care. And we can’t do that unless we are ourselves” (Helgesen, 1990, p. 113). A couple of the other executives followed behind this by allowing themselves to play different roles with different clientele as a means of humor and bonding. They also defied the idea of keeping private life private and relished in the ideals of keeping one’s private life as a strong marker of who they are in and out of the workplace. 

4. All Femininity, No Sexuality

One of the most significant realization I had by the end of The Female Advantage was that Helgesen never mentioned these women using their sexuality to garner success. She outlines the stark contrast between harnessing one’s sexuality and one’s femininity. Women are constantly told that they should play on their looks and men’s desires to get ahead, but are never taught the significance of femininity. To live in a decently progressive age and to just learn about this right before fully entering adulthood is concerning. Nevertheless, I am so thankful to have come into contact with the work of Sally Helgesen when I did. 

Rating:

I highly recommend The Female Advantage! The lessons scattered throughout are layered and duplicated, proving that they did not just occur in a single instance with one of the executives. Sally Helgesen did a beautiful job analyzing the small and major details of these women’s lives that formed well-rounded images of them, adding her own personal opinions sparingly. I do think Helgesen could have cut a decent portion of these minor details out, but I understand it was so that we could get the full picture. I would give this book a four out of five, because its lessons are so strong and used amazing metaphors that I will never forget, but it lacked personality that would keep the reader engaged. I truly believe every female nearing womanhood should take a peak at this book to truly understand the power they hold and how they should use it. The Female Advantage provides various outlooks that give readers the opportunity to relate in their own ways, perhaps you may discover something about yourself that you’ve never considered before. I cannot wait to use my newfound confidence with my own femininity as I march towards the working world!

My Favorite Quotes:

“Women have a mission to humanize the workplace by expressing their love, joy, enthusiasm, and caring. And we can’t do that unless we are ourselves” (p. 113).

“She's doing everything that women have been told they must never do if they want to be taken seriously as business professionals” (p. 112).

“I find it often takes women ten years longer than men to realize how good they really are” (p. 163).

“Do a little teasing, bring out the humor. There has to be humor and compassion in a company these days and we work to bring that out” (p. 171).

“Minutes are bits of yourself that you give away” (p. 107).

“The important thing is not who does what, but making sure that we all keep together” (p. 85).

References

Helgesen, S. (1990). The female advantage: Women’s ways of leadership. Currency Doubleday.