Introduction:

We have been emotional slaves to our own stress for far too long. American society is too caught up in the daily hustle and bustle and constant fight-or-flight response of life, that we take for granted the small joys and things that make us happy. I can’t help but wonder if this constant state of stress we’re in is contributing to the rising rates of heart disease and other somewhat preventable illnesses in this country.What if I told you there was a way to reclaim your life and escape this terrible cycle within yourself? Before I picked up Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, everyday seemed like a never-ending struggle towards an uncertain future. My Spring graduation date looked like a very distant dream. After a busy junior year followed by four summer classes, I had started to neglect my hobbies and health. I managed to convince myself that if I could just get through until May, I would have enough time to focus on taking care of myself, working out, and rekindling my social life. However, it didn’t occur to me until I saw the single word “burnout” on the reading list that I was getting close to burnout myself and couldn't let it wait until graduation to address it. I had never recognized, much less let go of months’ worth of stored up stress until this book helped guide me through it. 

Credibility of Author:

Emily Nagoski, the author of Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, co-writes with her twin sister Amelia Nagoski. Emily Nagoski transformed the sex lives of women all around the world with her book Come As You Are and is now changing the way we define “wellness”. Emily studies stress, nutrition, exercise, and sex education. She started her career as a peer health educator and then went on to get a Ph.D. in health behavior with a focus on human sexuality and a master’s degree in counseling psychology. Her professional experience includes teaching graduate and undergraduate classes about relationships, sex education, human sexuality, and stress management. Emily's sister, Amelia, did not have the same official training, but her life experiences gave the book a lot of valuable contexts. She is a music professor at Western New England University and has a doctorate in musical arts. They wrote this book together after Amelia's own experience with burnout, which negatively impacted her physical and mental health. Her personal experiences and viewpoints gave the book a special and insightful edge, strengthening Emily's knowledge and allowing a more in-depth and approachable study of burnout and stress management.  

The Book’s Overall Tone and Writing Style:

Throughout the book, the writers kept an interesting and casual tone while combining intimate stories with scientific discoveries. Their organizational approach was simple yet compelling. With a mix of humor, empathy, and narratives, they successfully established a relationship with the audience and personalized the topic of burnout. The authors used metaphors and analogies to break down and explain complex concepts. For example, the authors helped me understand the neurological and physiological shift my body experiences when I encounter a stressor, by comparing that feeling to being chased by a lion (Nagoski, 2019, p. 7). Although I loved the touch of personal stories, there were some instances where the stories would interrupt a topic and then be picked back up later in a whole different section. Times arose when it seemed like these casual-toned stories weren't quite fitting in with the section. I couldn’t help but feel that some of these stories didn't always fit with my personal experiences and were intended more for a particular group of women, like wives or businesswomen. 

Concepts:

  The whole book is filled with lessons, guides, and science-based strategies to assist women in managing their emotions and reducing stress, as well as an explanation of why women experience burnout differently than men. The authors provide a wide variety of strategies designed to fit the different mindsets of women. One of the key concepts is ‘The Monitor’ which is how our brain decides whether to keep going or give up. There are multiple strategies to help your brain deal with the functioning of ‘The Monitor’, with my favorite being positive reappraisal. Positive reappraisal helps those like myself who can’t just give up whenever they’d like. The authors acknowledged that people have jobs, school, families, etc. and that they cannot always just call it quits. When there's things you can’t control, you can use positive reappraisal. Since I'm not a naturally optimistic person, I valued the book's approach because it doesn't require a traditional "look on the bright side" mindset. Instead, it offers a realistic and approachable viewpoint that feels like a breath of fresh air, encouraging us to interpret obstacles as chances for personal development (Nagoski, 2019, p. 32-33). 

“You can acknowledge when things are difficult, and you recognize that the difficulty is worth it - it is, in fact, an opportunity” (Nagoski, 2019, p. 35)

“Being grateful for good things doesn’t erase the difficult things” (Nagoski, 2019, p. 208)

“But then we get exhausted, and we wonder if we can accomplish any of the things we hope for, without destroying ourselves in the process. We ask ourselves if it’s time to quit.” (Nagoski, 2019, p 49)

The book provides an insightful look into the world of unresolved stress and worry that many of us carry without ever giving much thought. A main concept that the book revolves around is ‘unlocking the stress cycle’. It is an essential first step in allowing our bodies to completely unwind. The book highlights the need to address the stress reaction itself before attempting to address the underlying stressors. It’s no secret that exercise is one of the most effective things you can do for your body when feeling stressed. The authors also provided substitutes for times when going to the gym is not possible in one’s busy schedule (Nagoski, 2019, p. 15). These include deep breathing, positive social interaction, laughter, affection, and even a good cry. Have you ever spent days on end in what felt like a never-ending slump? It could be because you haven't finished your stress cycle and weren't paying attention to what your body was trying to tell you. 

“One thing we know for sure doesn’t work: just telling yourself that everything is okay now. Completing the cycle isn’t an intellectual decision; it’s a physiological shift” (Nagoski, 2019, p 10)

Lessons Learned:

The most important lesson from this book applies to the lives of a lot of women who have been brainwashed to identify more as "human givers" than as "human beings." It is expected of these human givers to always put the needs of others above their own, always reaching for a level of perfection. Many women may feel overworked because of these social expectations, making it challenging to relax and connect with their bodies. Our bodies need three things: connections, rest, and self-compassion. We were made to connect with others and share our experiences. It gives our bodies energy. Our bodies and minds require rest to function properly, and we should ideally devote 42% of our lives to it. Self-compassion is vital to having a satisfied life and helps us grow as strong human beings. 

“Social connection is a form of nourishment, like food” (Nagoski, 2019, p. 133) 

“Reclaim rest and you reclaim sovereignty over your own life” (Nagoski, 2019,  p. 187) 

“Diligent practice of self-compassion works; it lowers stress hormones and improves mood” (Nagoski, 2019, p. 197) 

Overall:

Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle is an incredibly insightful book that has the power to completely change your way of thinking. It doesn’t give you all the answers to a happy life, but it can be an effective tool for altering the way you think about and approach your own well-being. The authors had a sincere desire to assist other women when writing this book. I firmly believe that anyone who feels trapped in a certain stage of life and is unclear of how to escape it should read this book. It can make you more conscious of certain areas in life that you may not have been fully aware of, even if you're happy with the way things are now. I would give it a score of four out of five. The only reason I wouldn't give it a perfect five is that, in my opinion, "self-help" books occasionally seem out of reach for the people who could need them the most. This book has opened my eyes, I was following social norms rather than being as in tune with my body as I thought. Don’t wait and see how much you can handle before you crack. Simply start with a hug from a friend or a few deep breaths. You are not here for anyone else but yourself, so give yourself a break. How far are you from being burnt out? 

Quotes:

“Trust your body. Be kind to yourself. You are enough, just as you are right now. Your joy matters. Please tell everyone you know” (Nagoski, 2019, p. 214) 

“If you’re feeling not just frustrated and challenged, but helpless, isolated, and trapped” …” you should definitely quit whatever it is.” (Nagoski, 2019, p. 48)

“Meaning helps us thrive when things are going well, and it helps us cope when things go wrong in our lives” (Nagoski, 2019, p 58)

“We think rest matters because you matter. You are not here to be productive. You are here to be you” (Nagoski, 2019, p 184)

“Remember, your body has no idea what “filing your taxes” or “resolving an interpersonal conflict through rational problem-solving” means. It knows, though, what jumping up and down means. Speak its language—and its language is body language” (Nagoski, 2019, p 15)

Reference List:

Nagoski, E., & Nagoski, A. (2019). Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. Ebury Publishing.