The seven key areas that relationships can help build leadership skills could be things that you are already doing in your daily life without knowing. I live my life through my personal values. These values guide my small and large decisions, and I use them to conduct my actions. One of my core values is leadership, but I have always asked myself, can you be the best leader you can be if you lack the relationships that will teach the critical lessons of leadership? I chose the book Leadership is a Relationship: How to Put People First in the Digital World because I want to grow my relationship-building skills and learn how relationships can help me become a stronger leader. When looking for a book to read, I wanted something that could teach me about different ways to use the relationship theory, the impact of the relationship between the leader and the followers, within leadership and my daily life, so when I came across this book about the seven key areas that relationships could help my leadership skills, it hooked me.  

Writing Style and Critiques

The tone of the book is personable yet informative. When reading, I dove into people's lives through the authors' storytelling and emotions. The writing style encouraged me to absorb the lessons and take action in my personal life. A critique I have is that there were some points where I didn't feel it was necessary to continue reading, knowing that the outcome would be the same every time. The writing style felt repetitive at points, and after reading some similar stories back to back, I felt less motivated to keep reading. For example, although I recognize the background of one of the authors, Michael S. Erwin, and his connections to people in the military, I would have liked to have read fewer stories about the military and seen a wider range of backgrounds. Otherwise, I truly liked the writing style, and I would recommend this book to people who want to feel connected to the authors and the stories. 

Content 

This book's content is strong and gets the lessons across very well. It begins with an introduction chapter, giving the readers the background on why the topic is important and what the book will discuss going forward. Each chapter has the theme of one of the seven key areas for relationship-building regarding leadership including: Accountability, Forgiveness, Resilience, Trust, Coalition-Building, Loyalty, and Stability. Each chapter is split into individual stories showcasing different examples of how that key points are used in different ways. At the end of each story, there is "one big lesson" explaining why that story was relevant to that key area and how to use it going forward. I like that the author shows different ways to use the key area because there are various circumstances in which it is used, and can be used in different ways. Also, having "one big lesson" after the individual stories makes this writing style unique and easy to read and understand. At the end of each chapter is a "Takeaways" section stating multiple statements the author wants the reader to remember. After the "Takeaway" section, there is a "Questions for Reflection" section that prompts readers to brainstorm ways for the reader to improve that key area in their personal life. At the end of the book, there is an extra chapter discussing the next steps and how to go ahead and lead through relationships. I enjoyed the content of this book because it not only provided stories and examples of how the seven key areas are used in different ways and styles, but it also offers suggestions and makes the reader think of how they will use these new tactics in their life. 

Lessons Learned

1. Accountability doesn't equal assessment or punishment. It is essential to use accountability to gain the trust of the people around you, especially if you form a relationship with them first. Also, it is equally, if not more important, to keep yourself accountable. If we don't hold ourselves accountable, how can we trust ourselves to hold others accountable or gain the trust of others if we are being hypocritical? 

2. One of the most incredible acts of bravery is forgiveness. This allows for an environment where failure is safe and will enable people to learn from it. Even though forgiveness is sometimes hard, it is a great way to lead by example and be the bigger person. 

3. Resilience is most effective when we aren't alone. A relationship with someone can encourage us to be resilient in highly challenging times. Although relationships are important, it is brave to be resilient by yourself, and it is okay to not always know how to be resilient. Setbacks and life-defining events are different, and there is no rush to foster a culture of resilience. 

4. If you treat everyone else as the leaders they are, they will trust and see you as a leader. Using words like "us, we, and ours" rather than "I" allows people to know that you aren't taking all of the credit and acknowledging the hard work that others had put in. Also, vulnerability is another way to gain trust. Providing a safe space to be vulnerable and allowing others to be vulnerable opens the doors for trust because you put equal trust in each other. 

5. Having a common ground is necessary for a group. Creating solid relationships allows reason for the members to stay in the group. Also, leaders must form relationships with one person at a time to gain trust and essentially create a group. 

6. Relationships must expect to be faithful without gain. Loyalty is not just between individuals, but it can also be within a community. There may not always be times when it is the easiest to show your loyalty, so during those times, you don't have to act in the moment and instead pay it forward later. 

7. Stability is the power of love. Our lives are constantly changing, but love within your relationships can be one thing that stays stabilized. Creating and appreciating your relationships is important because sometimes, that is one of the only things you can stabilize in unstable times. 

Quotes

Accountability: 

“You don’t have to be an Olympian to be a leader. Just wherever you are, care about it and be authentic” (Erwin & Devoll, 2021, p. 8). 

“Accountability based on care inspires us to grow, rather than just fear negative consequences. Directly confronting problems in a relationship can not only lead to discrete solutions, but also create deeper intimacy” (Erwin & Devoll, 2021, p. 11). 

“Great leaders tailor accountability to the nuances of both situation and person. Screaming matches are no match for intelligent, sensitive, and strategic coaching” (Erwin & Devoll, 2021, p. 17). 

“Mature accountability isn’t just about doing things to other people. An important part of becoming an accountable leader is practicing the self-discipline to listen to others rather than broadcasting them and shape your own behaviors in a way that earns their respect and recommendation” (Erwin & Devoll, 2021, p. 21).

Forgiveness:

“Don’t save forgiveness for one-off times when things go poorly. When we live our lives with a constant spirit of forgiveness, we empower ourselves and those around us to take bigger risks and act with greater conviction” (Erwin & Devoll, 2021, p. 33).

“Sometimes the greatest exercise of power is the chance to forgive rather than punish” (Erwin & Devoll, 2021, p. 40). 

Resilience: 

“Resilience in groups can lead to phenomenal short-term success, but it’s also powerful in the long-term response to trauma” (Erwin & Devoll, 2021, p. 52). 

“Resilience doesn’t have to be about responding to one particular setback. Strong relationships can help us stay resilient in a variety of challenges, so long as we face them together” (Erwin & Devoll, 2021, p. 58). 

“Relationships help us understand exactly what other people want and need. That knowledge can help us assess our challenges more accurately and recover from setbacks” (Erwin & Devoll, 2021, p. 62).     

Trust:

“Relationships rooted in trust help people spend less time and energy justifying themselves, and more time doing meaningful work” (Erwin & Devoll, 2021, p. 71). 

“Commit to thinking of everyone as a leader, and talk accordingly” (Erwin & Devoll, 2021, p. 78).

“Small, habitual gestures of care build trusting relationships over both time and distance” (Erwin & Devoll, 2021, p. 81). 

“Strip away unnecessary formalities and processes to build intimacy and shared trust” (Erwin & Devoll, 2021, p. 85).  

Coalition-Building:

“Coalition-building isn’t just a more efficient way to get things done, it’s a way to turn pipe dreams into plans. Courting allies opens up a world of possibilities that would otherwise be laughable” (Erwin & Devoll, 2021, p. 96). 

“Social media activism is just a start. Putting prominence and popularity to work by forming diverse, motivated coalitions makes actual change happen” (Erwin & Devoll, 2021, p. 105).

Loyalty:

“Acts of loyalty pull people together and provide mutual support. They also inspire future generosity and loyalty towards others” (Erwin & Devoll, 2021, p. 116).

“Loyalty grows over long stretches of time. We can’t rush to build loyalty in hope of cashing it in” (Erwin & Devoll, 2021, p. 124). 

“Loyalty to an idea or community can often create loyalty among people. As we find people who share our allegiances, we tend to create meaningful, lasting, and loyal relationships with them” (Erwin & Devoll, 2021, p. 129). 

Stability: 

“Relationships don’t just encourage people to stay in a situation, job, or community. They also create a level of stability that nurtures growth for both individuals and the culture of the group” (Erwin & Devoll, 2021, p. 140).

“Love shared between people is a powerful stabilizing force. Our relationships ground us in our communities to each other, even as our circumstances become uncertain or change quickly” (Erwin & Devoll, 2021, p. 145). 

“Giving people permission to act like human beings is possible even in highly pressurized, high-attrition environments. Prioritizing relationship-building and decency is often the best way to counteract that kind of culture and create health stability amid chaos” (Erwin & Devoll, 2021, p. 154). 

Conclusion

Overall, the book was an incredible read. It was engaging, empowering, and motivating. I highly recommend those who want to work on their relationship-building skills to read this book or anyone who wants some action steps on how they can work on themselves. This book is 4.5/5 stars for its engaging content, key takeaways, and self-reflective questions. After reading this book, I encourage you to create an action plan with the seven key areas and act upon making a change within yourself. 

Credibility of Author/Research

Michael S. Erwin graduated from The U.S. Military Academy at West Point in 2002. Following his education, he joined the military as an Intelligence Officer and was deployed three times, meeting many different kinds of people. After finishing up his time in the military, he decided to return to school, studying positive psychology and leadership at the University of Michigan. With his learnings, he returned to The U.S. Military Academy at West Point, becoming an Assistant Professor of Psychology and Leadership. During this time, he started a non-profit organization called Team Red, White & Blue, connecting veterans to communities and giving them physical and social activities to partake in. With his educational, military, and entrepreneurial background, he has gained the credibility to write this book. Erwin used some of his personal stories, as well as his connections and peers' stories, to teach lessons about many of the key areas. 

The second author, Willys DeVoll, founded Will Digital, a writing and design agency. Also, he previously was a host, producer, and creator for An Inconvenient Blueth Podcast. Additionally, he has had other writing jobs in the past. Leading up to this experience, he got his bachelor's and master's degrees at Stanford University in English. With his educational and work background, DeVoll has the credibility to help put these stories and lessons into words. 

As the book discusses the importance of relationships within leadership, Erwin and DeVoll truly showcase that lesson. These two authors work together to use their backgrounds, skills, stories, and connections to create a book that tells unique perspectives and teaches essential lessons. 

The research was credible because the stories came from true leaders in the community. With the authors' backgrounds, it makes sense that they would have connections to people in the military and higher education, where most of the stories and perspectives came from.

Author Profile

Michael S. Erwin is the founder and executive director of Team Red, White & Blue, co-founder of the Positivity Project, and founder and CEO of the Character & Leadership Center. He served three deployments to Iraq and Afghanistan with the U.S. Army. He is also the co-author of Lead Yourself First with Raymond M. Kethledge. 

Willys DeVoll is a writer, creator, and speaker. He is the founder of Will Digital, a writing and design agency. As an expert at the intersection of language and technology, he’s spoken at a wide range of industry conferences and on podcasts. This is his first book.