I told myself I wasn't going to look back, but I couldn't help it. I was leaving my one and only "home" without saying a single goodbye. So, here I am, on top of this hill that overlooks my hometown whispering a goodbye only the crisp night air is able to hear. Willing myself not to cry, I turn my back and walk, and walk, and walk, and walk. The soft oranges and purples that painted the sky faded into the night along with my hometown.

Some may point at me and call me a coward for running away, but they understand nothing. I'm doing this for the people I love. I may need this escape for myself, but for my loved ones more. My loved ones… Mom, Jay, Simon, Sona; their names and faces echo around my mind as I attempt to imagine their reactions to my going "missing."

"Dammit, Suzy!" I said to myself, "Stop. Don't dwell on it or you're going to turn back." And that'll only cause more pain.

I continue on for hours watching the night grow darker and colder. I feel lonely. I'm beginning to miss my mother's warm hugs, Sona's bright smile, Jay's laughter, and Simon's awkwardness. I am in uncharted territory with no one by my side. In an attempt to bring myself a sense of tranquility, I begin to reminisce old and happy memories. There is one memory that warms my heart to its core: it was the night I was diagnosed.

***

"I-I-I....what?”, I stuttered, tears forming in my eyes. Both my mother and I stared at the doctor in shock.

"I'm so very sorry to tell you this, Mrs. Kim, Suzy, but dear, you have leukemia." The doctor sadly stated.

"Doctor, I think there has been some sort of mistake-" my mother started.

"There has been no mistake, Mrs. Kim. The test shows it all, and your daughter herself shows that she has leukemia. Her consistent fatigue, weight loss, the frequent infections and the fact she is easily bruised shows it. The blood tests we have run also show that Suzy's white blood cell count is extremely high. What more proof do you need, Mrs. Kim?" The doctor stated, slightly out of breath. My mother sighed and opened her mouth prepared to counter, but I cut her off.

"Mom, no. Let's just go home." I said shakily, pushing myself off the table. I glanced at my doctor and nodded a goodbye in her direction when I caught that look for the first time. It completely caught me off guard, but I didn't care. Why should I bother? My life was practically over so that look of pity meant nothing. Grabbing my coat and my mother's, I left the room and headed for the hospital's exit. My mother's steps tapped rapidly after me in an attempt to catch up. As soon as my mother appeared by my side, she grabbed my hand and squeezed gently, a sad and pained gaze shining in her eyes. Silently leading me to the car, she held the passenger side open for me to climb in. Silently thanking her, I got in, closed the door and rested my head against the car window's cool glass. Silence. The silence was deafening as we made our journey home. The houses and cars blurred by, distorted and just a blend of color.

We pulled into our driveway and climbed out, not a single word spoken between us. As soon as my mother unlocked the front door, I bolted to my room. Slamming the door shut I crawled under the covers and cried. I cried and cried for what seemed like hours. Hidden in the safe confines of my blankets, I let my dam break and began to full on sob. My hiccups and sniffles echoed around my bedroom as my emotions washed over me, wave after wave.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

"Arghhh," I groaned, "I just want to be left alone. Please, Mom!"

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. I groaned again. That goddamn tapping were so freaking persistent. Pulling the covers off my head, I glared at my door waiting for my mother to barge in.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Whipping around, I looked at my window and shrieked in shock. There, sitting on a tree branch near my windowsill was one of my best friends, Simon Park.

"Simon! What the hell?" I cried, wiping away my tears. Stumbling over to my window, I pushed it open with much force.

"W-w-woah, Z. C-can you not try to k-knock me off?" He snapped awkwardly, trying to balance himself on the tree branch.

"What are you doing here?", I hissed.

"W-well... See... Your mom, s-she called us over because you aren't feeling well."

"Us?"

"Sona and Jay came with too." He said cheerily, a small smile making its way onto his face.

"Look, Simon, I appreciate you guys coming by, but no. I am dying. I am not just 'not feeling well.'" He flinched and pushed his glasses up. My eyes widened in shock, and I froze; the amount of venom in my voice and the way my voice did not waver once caught me off guard. "Simon, I'm so sorry. It's just been hard, and I've only just been diagnosed." I stared at him apologetically.

"I-I-it's okay. I-I-I mean, y-you are in a situation that allows you to be like this. I-I don't understand what you're going through. But, as a friend, I will help you get through it." He stated firmly. I smiled weakly. Simon, I thought, thank you.

"Come in." I whispered moving away from the window, "Where are the others?"

"Down there." He stated, pointing out the window down below him. He climbed in, walked towards a corner, and stood there, staring at me. Strolling near the window, I peeked out, and there they were; Sona and Jay were arguing - as always - near the tree below my window.

"How about you two stop arguing and get up in here?" I called, capturing their attention. Jay's bright smile greeted me along with his signature cool wave and Sona squealed, scrambling towards the tree. Finally, the whole gang crowded into my small room.

“Z!” Soyou shouted, “C’mere and give me a hug.” I collapsed into her arms, letting her warmth envelop me. Soon enough, Simon and Jay joined in, and we all sat. The silence was very much needed as we all soaked in the tragedy I was living. Sniffles soon broke out, and Soyou began to sob. I already was able to guess the negative thoughts running through her head, but I kept quiet and began to soothe her. “I’m so-so-sorry, Z. I-I-I shouldn’t be the one br-breaking down, but-but-but-”

“Shhh.” I cooed, rubbing small circles on her back. Soyou moved away from me slowly and stared at me with her large, glossy eyes. “Let’s do something. Bake. Watch a movie. Something. Something all of us can do together.” I smiled a broken smile. One that could shatter even the strongest man’s heart. Broken smiles were thrown right back at me by the trio. So, we did it. We baked. Well, at least we tried to. Our attempt to create oven-baked snacks that could possibly give a person diabetes was a total fail. All our ingredients were all over my kitchen and all over us. It was complete chaos: chaos that lifted my spirits almost to the heavens. Our chaos was filled with laughter, and shrieks, and jokes, and smiles, and just, pure joy. A joy I didn’t think was possible for me to feel after finding out my life was coming to a short and pathetic end. The sun began to set, and colors splashed across the sky.

“Hey! I’ve got a great idea!” Jay exclaimed. We all turned our attention to him, pausing our useless efforts to rid our clothes of the food stains. “Let's watch a movie outside. How does watching Rush Hour sound?” We all nodded, smiles being shared all around. Shuffling towards my back door, we began preparing. Grabbing an old sheet, an extension wire, a projector, speakers, and some chairs, we were all set. We used these items and made ourselves an outdoor theater. The movie started just as the moon and stars began to decorate the night sky. I looked over at my friends and smiled. I looked at my home and thought of my mother, a smile adorning my face. At that moment, I knew I was truly happy, even if it was the day my life came to a complete stop.

***

I feel weak; I’ve been walking for hours, almost the entire night! My breath came out in short, erratic puffs as I stumbled over to the side of the road. Holding my side, I coughed and wheezed to the point where I was coughing blood. My blood stained the dry, dead grass a dark shade of red. Collapsing onto my back, I started to cry; not tears of sadness, tears of joy. I was a dying mess; blood decorated my jacket and the grass, and tears ran down my face as I smiled sloppily. I made a mistake, didn’t I guys? I shouldn’t have run away; selfish, isn’t it? I want to go back and stay with you all and live what is left of my life, but my time is running out. What….to….do…?