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All behavior is a form of communication. This is especially true for children that do not yet possess the skills to cope or the words to communicate what they are feeling. According to Dr. Becky Bailey (Conscious Discipline), there are three brain states: survival (brain stem), emotional (limbic system), and executive (prefrontal lobes). These three levels help explain children's behavior and a new perspective on how to assess what the child needs/wants. We also must be conscious of our internal states to help our children understand their own on their way to a (new) external behavior. Here is some information on each state.
Survival State (Bailey 38):
- State: Safety
- Trigger/perception: Threat
- Conscious awareness: Unconscious
- Accessible skills: Fight, flight, and freeze
- Behaviors: Physical aggression, tantrums, withdrawing
- Developmental question: Am I safe?
- Developmental need: Safety
- Intention: Self-defense
Emotional State (Bailey 45):
- State: Emotional
- Trigger/perception: Would is not going my way
- Conscious awareness: Unconscious
- Accessible skills: CD-Rom (act like my parents, grandparents, role models)
- Behaviors: Attention seeking, relationship resistance, clinginess, perfectionism, name calling, social exclusion
- Developmental question: Am I loved?
- Developmental need: Connection
- Intention: Make me feel better and have the world go my way
Executive State (Bailey 54)
- State: Executive
- Trigger/perception: Curious, investigative, reflective, what help is needed?
- Conscious awareness: Conscious
- Accessible skills: Wise advocate, internal brilliance based on needs of the moment, seeing from many perspectives.
- Behaviors you might see: Willingness, reflection, empathy, conflict resolution, problem-solving, managing emotions, setting goals, and achievement.
- Developmental question: What can I learn from this?
- Developmental need: Problem-solving in social setting
- Intention: To wisely adapt and respond to the situation at hand.
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