Wednesday 20thOctober, 2009-10-21
My Dear Jeremy,
I do not remember landing at the airport in East London only the stricken look on my Father's face warning me that I was not to break down that I had to be brave despite the heartache and the quiet tears. Having Jill to care for helped me cope with the flight and also it all still seemed so unbelievable.
Gerald had come down by train from Bulawayo. Val must have been with him too as I have a vague memory of comforting a crying Kevin who must have been about 20 months old. I felt so sad that my Mother had never seen him. We were, I think, numbed by the sudden shock of Darling's death. My Father did not talk much about it but did tell us that they had been visiting cousins, Maud and Norman Henshilwood, from Cape Town on the ship sailing to Durban when Dad looked across the table and saw something was wrong. Darling was rushed to hospital - a blood vessel had burst in her brain I think they call it an embolism and though they operated to relieve the pressure they could not save her. He did not talk much about it. He was very caring and comforting towards us children while holding tightly on to his own emotions. In those days one just had to be brave and keep a stiff upper lip.
Of course there were household chores and children to be seen too. Then it was my birthday and though I said I would forget it but Pop would not hear of that so I was given presents and made a fuss of but it could hardly be called a happy birthday. Just like when Michael died on the 26th September friends did not know what to do but called with cards and gifts all the same.
We went to the funeral parlour to say goodbye but though I stood by the coffin I did not want to look at her as I wanted to keep in my mind's eye the memory of her bright, alive eyes and laughter and not the pallor of death. I always regretted this afterwards and felt that I had been very cowardly of me so I did go with you to see Dad. But he wasn't there, he had gone to his own place and I felt I was intruding on his privacy. I am sure it was different for you.
There was a service in the chapel at the Funeral Parlour. We drove over the Buffalo River bridge to the West Bank Cemetery Pop was aware of our tension which he broke by pointing out the ships in the harbour. This helped us prepare to meet relations and friends who had gathered at the graveside with so much love and sympathy. One of the Directors had been at Rhodes with me and on the same course as I was. He had now joined his Fathers business.
I think we went back to Aunty Nellie and Uncle Leighton's house. Aunty Nellie and my Mother had always been great friends.
Gerald and Val went back to Bulawayo and Jill and I stayed on but I do not remember for how long. Days were taken up with going through my Mother's personal possessions and that was both painful and sad. I gave her engagement ring to Val but after she lost one of the diamonds she gave it back to me saying that she did not think my Mother wanted her to have it. I gave it to Jill when she and Howard got engaged and she wears it with much loving pride. I wrote thank you letters and then it was time for me to catch the train back to Ndola and home.
It was hard leaving Pop to his loneliness which continued for the rest of his life. He never got over Darling's early death. They had been so happy together and had plans for the future. He felt he had been cheated and I think grew quite bitter
My train trip north turned into quite an adventure. We were met at Bulawayo and taken to Val's sister's house for a meal as we had to change trains there. We missed the train and Val's brother-in-law drove us to the next station up the line to catch it but by the time we got there the train had already passed through. We chased that train to many stations but always we were too late. It was a very dark night all one could see were the lights of the car penetrating the bush in front of us. As well as being very anxious as Michael would be waiting at Ndola station to meet us I felt as though I was driving into eternity.
At last the chase came to an end and we found a goods train on its way north. They agreed to take us but there was no dining saloon. It must have been the oldest carriage on the line as the compartment shook and rattled quite alarmingly. The guardsmen were very good to us. They kept changing along the way and the next lot would check on us. One took us through to the guard's van to share his flask of sweet lukewarm tea while another brought us some light refreshments at the next siding where they stopped . Jill wasn't a great eater but liked her drinks.
In the morning we arrived at Wankie station. The guardsman told me to go to the hotel, which was in sight, for breakfast Oh, no, I said. I am not getting off this train to be left behind again. No, he said, we will wait for you while you eat. So, when we had finished eating we boarded the train again, the whistle blew and off we rattled once more towards Ndola, Michael and home.
This has been a sad time to remember and I see from your email it has brought back your own sad memories of 2002 and your lonely flight north.
Love you lots, Mum