Navigating Interpersonal Relationships

One of the many things that makes Computer Science appealing is that computers make sense. Sometimes they are complex and we struggle to understand why they are doing something, but ultimately that "why" is based in logic.

People are not so straightforward.

Emotional Intelligence

Over the past 20 years, there has been an increasing amount of research related to what is usually known as "Emotional Intelligence" and the ways it influences our day to day lives.

Emotional Intelligence includes:

  • Knowing one’s own emotions
  • Managing emotions
  • Motivating oneself
  • Recognizing emotions in others
  • Handling relationships with other people

Keeping Perspective

"Anyone can become angry - that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not easy." - Aristotle

When interacting with other people, one of the most important things to keep in mind is that you don't know for sure how they are feeling and why. Sometimes they don't know how they are feeling or why. One thing you can assume is that there are many things influencing their mood and behavior other than you.

If someone (whether it be a professor or a friend) is grumpy with you, it's often the case that they are actually upset about something that has nothing to do with you. You will both probably be better off if you can avoid taking their mood personally and letting it ruin your day.

Coming at it from the other side of things, if you find that you are being grumpy or rude to someone, it's worth stopping to think about why you are behaving that way. Did they do something that upset you? Did they remind you of something you're already upset about? Are you upset about something else completely and they just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time?

The Value of Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence is a large, complicated idea. But the core principles of self-awareness, self-regulation, and empathy can have a huge impact in your academic pursuits, your social life, and your professional career.

Here are just a few of the benefits of developing greater Emotional Intelligence:

  • Good relations with other people
  • More manageable internal life
  • Most workplaces seek out these “soft skills”, especially for management positions
  • The world is a better place when we all treat ourselves and others with compassion and respect

Conflict Resolution

If you find yourself in a difficult situation and would like assistance in navigating it, the campus Ombudsperson is available as a neutral 3rd party. All conversations with her are confidential and she is a wonderful resource for finding positive ways to move forward.

For more information, the Ombuds office brochure can be found here. They also provide a list of Common Issues they handle.

Some Related Resources

Emotional Intelligence

Conflict Resolution