Improvements Essay
300 Points.
Assignment:
This assignment will focus on a specific location or business. In the essay, you will explore and describe specific shortcomings or problems with the location or business. Then you will propose improvements and explain how your proposals will remedy the problems that you have described. You may be humorous in how you approach this essay. You may NOT use any topic linked to the school, campus, or movie theaters because Mr. Winter uses school based essays with other classes. All topics must be pre-approved. Possible topics include the Solano Mall, the discount center in Vacaville, a specific restaurant, apartment complex, backyard, your room, park, amusement park, store, city or the place you work.
Purpose:
This assignment seeks to stress the importance of the prewriting process, the structure of a composition, and other important qualities of essays. The example essay is purposefully crude to emphasize the structure of the composition.
Requirements:
You may NOT use “I” or “I think” in this essay. (You may only use "I" if you are writing about your home or your room.) The essay must be at least SIX paragraphs long with a clear introduction and conclusion. The introduction must be at least five sentences long with a thesis statement. Each body paragraph and conclusion must be at least seven sentences long. The essay must be typed and double spaced. It will be turned in to turnitin.com.
Week A: April 20th. 50 Points. Google Classroom.
A. Twenty word brainstorm
B. Seven random sentences
C. Seven questions
D. Introduction
Week B: April 27th. 50 points. Google Classroom. The first four paragraphs for the essay. Paragraphs must be at least six sentences long.
Week C: May 4th. 200 Points. Turnitin.com. The final draft of the essay. It must be at least six to seven paragraphs long. Paragraphs must be at least six to eight sentences long.
EXAMPLE ESSAY
Fixing Mr. Winter’s Ailing Ride
A man’s car is his chariot. Each morning Mr. Winter pulls his keys out of his pocket and gets into his aging car. The key turns, and after a few tries, his car hesitantly comes to life. Then the battered chariot carries him down the road on his way to work. Unfortunately, for this balding educator, his old rusting ’78 Rambler has a number of problems. These problems demand attention and desperately need to be fixed.
The first obvious problem with Mr. Winter’s car is with the way it looks. The car is painted a bright green, similar to the color of fresh puke. On one side is a large dent that is more than two feet across. The hood’s surface has buckled from when a person walked across it. Clowns in circuses have better looking cars. The car is so hideous that it makes some people cringe. The car is so ugly that it is embarrassing. To fix the problem, the dents need to be pounded out. Then a fresh coat of paint can be applied. This would vastly improve the way the car looks. At least, it would make it less of an embarrassment.
The second problem with Mr. Winter’s car is with the funky smell that lives in the car’s interior. The smell is similar to the odor found at the bottom of a moldy old trash can. Some people refuse to enter after they start gagging. While the front seats to the car are clean, fast food wrappers and takeout trash cover the car’s back seats. Once a decomposing half eaten hamburger was found after it had deteriorated to a glob with the texture similar to gray oatmeal. This is just disgusting. To fix this problem, the car’s interior must be thoroughly cleaned, scrubbed and washed out with a high pressure hose. Then five gallons of air freshener should be enough to hide any remaining stubborn odors.
The third problem with Mr. Winter’s car is with the engine. The tiny old engine is too weak to do its job. The car’s maximum speed is forty miles an hour and that can only be achieved while driving down hill with a good tail wind. A hamster on a treadmill has more power than this engine. Once when Mr. Winter tried to merge onto the freeway, an eighteen wheeler nearly crushed him because he was going so slow. To fix this problem, the engine requires a replacement. A new engine with more power would at least allow the car to reach the speed limit and prevent Mr. Winter from being squished like a bug by a large truck.
The problems with Mr. Winter’s old Rambler can no longer be overlooked. The car is ugly. It smells. Also the engine is just too weak. While the problems with car are major, each of them can be dealt with. The car just needs new paint, a new engine, and a thorough cleaning. If these problems were to be fixed, the car could last several more years. In addition, it would make a balding old educator very happy.