Object Obituaries

Hello reporting back to you today about the object obits is Laurel Lees! Earlier in the year both Eighth grade teams did a project on puns as an intro to irony and later figurative language. This led to many interesting obituaries containing many puns below you can find three of the Newspaper Club's favorites.

Peter Pencil

“I guess he snapped under the pressure.”

Peter Pencil snapped in a recent sketchy kindergarten class. I guess he felt like there was no point in living anyway because he was just a pencil. He wood want to live a bit longer before his life was erased because he had a winning lottery number. Peter was 34 when he died. He was in a relationship with a marker, but they broke up. I guess she wanted something more permanent. His mother Penny Pencil said, “He always stood out and drew a crowd because of his point against erasing racism in the country”. His Father Parker Pencil, says, “His childhood was tough because he was always the number 2 compared to his brother.” Yet his side job lead to this terrible accident. We will all miss him so.

                   Gavin Tucker

Glenda Glasses

Glenda Glasses was great but sadly she died. They say her owner sat on her and broke her bow but her owner says, “ I didn’t sit on her. I think I am being framed.” There was one event were Glenda glasses was really needed; It was in math for division. So Eddie Eyes remembered “that Glenda Glasses was always making a spectacle of herself.” Erin Eyes said, “Glenda Glasses favorite thing to do was help others.” Glenda’s service will be held on Blindsighted Road at Nearsighted Church on November 11, 2017 at 3:00pm. All are welcome. -Emylee Wilkison

Barry Bear

2004-2017

Barry Bear had a roaring personality. He was known for his unbearable jokes. He was bearied after an unexpected incident. At the time, he was in a very furry situation. He tried to claw his way out of the scenario but he was pawed to death. He was polarized when a dog tried to rip his beary large head apart. At the time of death, he was found wearing Corduroy pants with Pooh in them. His wife, Octavia Owl remembered him as “honey.” “He was the sweetest honey that I ever tasted,” whimpered Octavia Owl. His daughter, Barbara Bunny said, “I couldn’t bear the way he looked at me at the time of his passing.” Barry Bear lived from February 26, 2004 to November 6, 2017 in a short but happy life in his den. He will be remembeared.

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