To prepare for the first appointment, it's helpful to think about the following in advance:
Identify the top 2-3 concerns. What are they, how long have they persisted, and how do they interfere with your child’s functioning/success? Provide examples.
Establish goals. What are you hoping will be different as a result of your child attending therapy?
Identify what you want help with as a parent in supporting your child. A therapist can support your family’s interactions with your child. For example, would you like suggestions about what to do when your child feels anxious or angry, or help managing your child's interactions with a sibling? Consider what you would like support with.
Identify any questions you have.
It is helpful to write these things down in advance and bring them with you so you do not forget.
Children want to know why you are taking them to therapy. Here are some points to emphasize and language you can use:
Be honest and direct about what a therapist is and why the child is going, but emphasize the positives. Therapy is not a punishment for undesirable behavior. Rather, it offers hope for a more comfortable way of feeling and behaving. Instead of just pointing out challenging behavior that you hope will decrease, emphasize that the reason for therapy is to feel better and more comfortable.
You can say: "A counselor is like a doctor for feelings. The same way a doctor helps you take care of your body, a counselor helps you take care of your feelings and make good choices. I’ve noticed that ____ (distressing behavior) seems to be hard right now, and a counselor may have some good ideas about you to help you feel better about that.”
Tell them that many children, including other students at school, go to therapy. Children tend to think they are the only student at school who goes to therapy, but that is not true - and they don't know that until you directly tell them.
You can say: "There is nothing wrong with you. Many kids go to therapy, including other kids at your school. You don’t know that, though, because you can’t tell who they are just by looking at them.”
Explain that it's normal to feel nervous and they can take their time when sharing. The same way you, as an adult, feel uncomfortable divulging personal information to new people, children do too. Don't pressure your child to share everything right away - therapy is a marathon, not a sprint. The nervousness will fade with time.
You can say: "It's okay to feel nervous. Share what you want to share, and don't share what you don't want to share. Everyone is nervous meeting new people, but you'll feel more comfortable sharing as you get to know the therapist."
Ask your child what s/he wants help with. Children tend to know what behaviors they need help with. Asking them to identify these areas makes them an active part of the process and honors their perspective as being important.
You can say: "Is there anything you want the therapist to help you with?"
The therapist may not tell you everything that your child shares during sessions. This can feel frustrating as a parent. However, this is helpful in the long run because it builds trust between the child and the therapist, and without that trust, meaningful change cannot occur.
Therapy is confidential from school personnel. Therapists cannot disclose any information about what happens at therapy with school personnel without written permission from a parent/guardian in advance. If you would like the therapist and the school counselor to collaborate, you must complete a consent form, which can be received from either your therapist or the school counselor.
You may be asked to complete rating scales regarding your child's behaviors. These are surveys that parents and/or teachers complete about children's behaviors such as attention, anxiety, mood, and sleeping/eating patterns. The results will compare the intensity/frequency of your child's behaviors to the typical behaviors of other children the same age and gender. Rating scales help identify the primary concerns and their significance. You may be asked to give a copy to your child's teacher to complete. This is normal, and it helps compare behaviors at home vs. school. You may also be asked to complete them again after a few weeks/months have passed to help measure changes in behaviors across time. Common rating scales are the Conners, the BASC, and the Vanderbilt.
You will feel nervous, but that's normal! When sharing personal information with someone new, it's normal to feel a bit awkward. But rest assured - there is nothing you can tell therapists that they haven't heard before, so don't hold back! The more you share, the better assistance you can receive.