How to Help
(Things to Say & Do)

General Rules of Thumb

  • Maintain normal routines as much as possible

  • Clarify that they are not responsible for the death in any way - not through their thoughts, feelings, or actions (this is especially important for younger children, who believe they make things happen just by thinking about them)

  • If the person who passed was a parent, reassure them that they are not in charge of caring for the surviving parent

  • Mention the name of the deceased, reminisce, and tell stories

  • Tell them honestly what happened concerning the death: when it occurred, where it happened, and who was there

  • Encourage them to ask questions and answer each one simply and directly

  • Include them in the funeral and memorial planning, as appropriate and comfortable

  • Accept all of their feelings and allow those feelings to be expressed in an appropriate manner

  • Ask questions to learn about the child's feelings and understanding of the loss

  • Inform the child's teachers and other appropriate adults (i.e., coaches) about the loss so they can support the child, make appropriate adjustments, and monitor the child's well-being

  • Encourage and model healthy coping strategies, particularly ones that will involve interaction with other peers (i.e., clubs)

  • Reassure them that healing from loss takes a long time, but that they will feel better

(Flynn, n.d.; National Association of School Psychologists, 2017)


References