How to Help
(Things to Say & Do)
General Rules of Thumb
Maintain normal routines as much as possible
Clarify that they are not responsible for the death in any way - not through their thoughts, feelings, or actions (this is especially important for younger children, who believe they make things happen just by thinking about them)
If the person who passed was a parent, reassure them that they are not in charge of caring for the surviving parent
Mention the name of the deceased, reminisce, and tell stories
Tell them honestly what happened concerning the death: when it occurred, where it happened, and who was there
Encourage them to ask questions and answer each one simply and directly
Include them in the funeral and memorial planning, as appropriate and comfortable
Accept all of their feelings and allow those feelings to be expressed in an appropriate manner
Ask questions to learn about the child's feelings and understanding of the loss
Inform the child's teachers and other appropriate adults (i.e., coaches) about the loss so they can support the child, make appropriate adjustments, and monitor the child's well-being
Encourage and model healthy coping strategies, particularly ones that will involve interaction with other peers (i.e., clubs)
Reassure them that healing from loss takes a long time, but that they will feel better
(Flynn, n.d.; National Association of School Psychologists, 2017)
References
Flynn, J. (n.d.) 15 tips for grieving kids. Grief.
National Association of School Psychologists (2017). Addressing grief: brief facts and tips. Retrieved from https://www.nasponline.org/resources-and-publications/resources-and-podcasts/school-climate-safety-and-crisis/mental-health-resources/addressing-grief