Supporting a friend
What can I do if I am worried about a friend or peer?
Remember:
Put safety first. If you are worried about a friend, tell a trusted adult. It can seem easier or better to deal with things on your own – but unfortunately, this is not the safe choice if a friend is struggling. Inform a trusted adult, so that you and your friend can both get help and support.
Make a Difference – we have all made this pledge as part of the SIS community. We all have a responsibility to help others when they are in need.
I'm worried about a friend in school. What do I do?
If you are worried about a friend in school, you can help them by encouraging them to talk to a trusted adult.
Has your friend spoken to their parents? You can tell your friend that talking to parents is important, since parents need to know if their child is struggling.
What if my friend refuses to talk to their parents?
Does your friend feel more comfortable talking to an adult at school first? If so, you can encourage your friend to speak to either their Tutor or Head of Year. You can offer to accompany your friend, if that's something that would help.
Your friend can also speak to one of the counsellors here at SIS.
At first, your friend may say they do not want to open up to any adult. It is still important that you inform an adult – like your friend’s parents, or your own parents. That way, you can seek advice from them.
Do not try to deal with the situation on you own. This is not safe in the long run. You also deserve help and support, so speak to an adult, even if it seems difficult and stressful at first.
I'm worried that a friend might hurt themselves or someone else
If a friend might hurt themselves or someone else, you have a responsibility to inform trusted adults. Tell your friend’s parents and a teacher at school, so they can help.
If you think a friend is engaging in behavior that is harmful or dangerous, you also have a responsibility to tell a trusted adult.
Remember: Put safety first. If you are worried about a friend, it is not safe to deal with things on your own. If you inform a trusted adult, both you and your friend can get support.
What can I do to show my friend that I'm there for them?
As a friend or classmate, you can show that you care. You can actively reach out to them if you observe big changes in someone’s moods or behaviors.
You can also try to:
understand their feelings by listening to them wholeheartedly
ask questions, and try not to judge or criticize when they answer
suggest activities you can do together, so your classmate/friend feels less alone
Many studies on human psychology show people who are struggling really benefit from having caring, supportive relationships. These can be relationships with friends or with family.
In fact, we all need social connection and a feeling that we belong. This is important to everyone’s mental wellbeing.
You can make a difference by showing your friend that you want to spend time with them and that you care about them.
More about peers and friends
What can parents and teachers do?
Remember:
Trusted adults are adults such as parents, teachers, the school nurse or counsellors at school.
Parents are responsible for making sure their child is well and safe. Parents are a student's legal guardians. They thus have a responsibility to know what is going on with their child, and often know what is best for their child.
Teachers, especially Tutors and Heads of House, are here to support students.
How can parents support students' mental wellbeing?
If a student is struggling, parents and teachers have a special role to play. Their role is different from that of a fellow student, who is a young person. After all, parents are responsible for making sure their child is well and safe. Parents are your legal guardians.
If you are worried about a classmate or friend, it is important to let a trusted adult know. That way, you and the person you're worried about can get help and support.
Parents (and teachers) will often have resources and knowledge that can help your classmate/friend. For example, if a student is feeling unwell, their parents may know whether it’s necessary to call a GP or other health professionals. Parents may also know how to comfort and soothe their own child.
As for teachers, they often know how to listen compassionately to the student, and help the student develop their problem-solving skills. Teachers can also explain why counselling might be helpful. They can help set up an appointment with our school counselling services, where the student can get further support.
How about teachers? How can they help?
Teachers have an important role to play if a student is struggling. Like parents, teachers will often have resources and knowledge that can help your classmate/friend. For example, teachers know the school well and they may know your friend really well too.
Often, teachers also know how to listen compassionately to a student, and help the student develop their problem-solving skills.
Teachers can also explain why counselling might be helpful. They can help set up an appointment with our school counselling services, where the student can get further support.
Remember, teachers are responsible for and enjoy helping students thrive at school. In particular, Tutors and Heads of Year have a special responsibility to make sure each student has support at home and at school. It is therefore very important to reach out to teachers – such as Tutors or Heads of Year – if you are worried about a friend, or you yourself are struggling.