Managing difficult feelings

1. What am I feeling?

Try to understand what you are feeling. This can be difficult at first, but start by trying to name the feeling. What is it called?

Are you feeling angry? Sad? Upset? Lonely? Insecure? Frustrated? Scared? Something else?

You may experience more than one feeling. Try to name the feelings that you notice.

Tips and ideas:

• It can be hard to name your feelings at first. Remember, if you practice, it becomes easier!

• Some people find that it helps to talk to a friend or a parent. See if they can help you figure out what you are feeling.

• Looking at a feelings wheel may give you a better idea of what you are feeling. There's a feelings wheel at the bottom of this page (click here).

2. Why am I feeling this way?

Once you have named the feeling(s), ask yourself why do you feel this way. Usually there are good reasons for why we feel a certain way.

Tips and questions:

• Did something happen that made you feel this way? Try to describe the situation in your mind. What happened?

• Often we feel difficult emotions because someone did or said something to us. Reflect on what was said, and why it led to certain feelings. What did the person say or do? 

• Sometimes a situation is difficult because it reminds us of a moment from the past. The situation in the past may have happened months or years ago. Which memory were you reminded of? Can you name it? 

3. What are some ways I can respond to my feeling?

Sometimes we think there's only one way we can respond to a feeling. This is normal, especially if we feel under pressure! However, we encourage you to think about different ways you can respond to your feeling(s). Try to cope up with more than one option.

Example 1: Imagine a classmate feeling really angry during break time. You are playing basketball, and you think your classmate seems upset: They are talking very loudly and pushed another student, saying "Why did you do that?!" We can imagine that your classmate might be thinking: "Argh, I must shout louder! Why aren't they listening to me?" 

Example 2: Imagine that a friend is feeling sad about an argument at home. Your friend hasn't told anyone though. We can imagine that your friend might be thinking: "I can't tell anyone about it. It's too embarrassing. I need to deal with it myself."

What advice would you offer your classmate? What would you say to your friend? Can you think of some alternative ways that someone can respond to feelings of anger or sadness?

Tips and ideas:

• When we are angry, it can be helpful take a few deep breaths, or count to 10, before saying something. It may help to talk to someone about it, like a trusted adult.

• When we are sad, we can try to tell someone, even if it is difficult at first.

• All feelings are valid. Whenever you are experiencing difficult feelings, you can try one of these activities: Write your feelings down, or do an enjoyable activity (ie. playing a sport, listening to music, playing an instrument, or spending time with friends or family). 

• Sometimes feelings go away with time. Be kind to yourself and be patient. Remember, everyone has feelings, so it's okay to talk to someone about your feelings.