drops of diversity

The term coming out has become fairly commonplace, so people often assume that it’s a simple, one-time life event. However, coming out is a very personal experience, and the process can be very different for each individual – it is a journey, and each person’s mileage will vary. While it can be at times a liberating, joyful, and even celebratory experience that ultimately can bring the individual closer to the people they care about, it also may involve consequences and potential risks which should be weighed carefully by the individual in the context of one’s own personal and family relationships, social groups, faith community, and professional situation.

The first person anyone comes out to is to themselves. Once someone is able to recognize their own sexual orientation or gender identity and begin to accept it as an integral and positive part of who they are, they then may begin to feel safe in sharing their sexual orientation or gender identity with others – their friends, their family members, as well as their fellow students, co-workers, and colleagues. It is not uncommon for an individual to feel safe coming out to and being open with some people or groups while feeling less inclined to do so with others. The decision when to come out – and to whom – rests solely with the individual and should not be made for them or forced upon them by anyone else.

There is no single, correct way or time to come out to others; each person makes this decision for themselves, and they alone decide who they feel safest sharing this part of their lives with.

A local LGBTQ+ community center such as the Hampton Roads LGBT Life Center, or a student organization on your campus, like Spectrum here at VWU, can be a good place to start to learn more about coming out as well as provide support as you begin to navigate the process yourself. Some national groups may have a local chapter in your area, or they may offer an online community and other resources that can help. These include The Trevor Project and the Human Rights Campaign (HRC).

There are several organizations that can help you to reach out to LGBTQ+ members and allies in faith communities and to find a welcoming congregation nearby. These include Affirmation (for Methodists), DignityUSA (for Catholics), Integrity USA (for Episcopalians), Jewish Queer Youth (JQY) or Keshet for members of the Jewish community, and the Muslim Alliance for Sexual and Gender Diversity, among others.

If you are a straight ally of LGTBQ+ people and you want to support and encourage someone you know who has come out recently or is considering it, think about joining other allies in organizations such as Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) or Athlete Ally. Helping to create and foster an environment of inclusion that makes it feel safe for all LGBTQ+ people to come out and live openly can be the best way to demonstrate your acceptance of and support for them.