Conan Heavy and Conan Lite

Mark's Remarks: Conan Heavy & Conan Lite

By Mark Leeper

[Editor's Note: This review is reprinted with permission from Volume 3, Number 1 on the Lincroft-Holmdel Science Fiction Club Notice Copyright © 1984 Mark R Leeper. It was previously reprinted in Volume 2, Numbers 3 & 4 of The Starship Express Copyright © 1988 Philip J De Parto.]

"Don't laugh, but you know, I actually enjoyed Conan the Barbarian.

I heard it about six times from six different people. Usually it is from people who know fantasy but who also know this film took a real lambasting by the critics for some very predictable reasons.

Conan the Barbarian was a violent film. That is because Robert E Howard's character was a violent man. His weapon is a two-handed sword. On Saturday morning cartoons, I am told, there is a barbarian character with a sword that shoots stunning rays. That's because children are not supposed to know that the sword was really a violent weapon. Also, the scriptwriter must be someone really sick. What kind of person would make up lines like the best thing in life is defeating your enemy and hearing the lamentation of his women? Well, sorry, guys: that quote was actually taken from Gengis Khan who also had a sword that didn't shoot stunning rays.

Conan the Barbarian also got shot down for being overly intellectual. Instead of keeping up a Star Wars pace, Conan stops to ponder questions like "the Riddle of Steel." Then there are those bothersome quotes from people like Nietzsche.

Actually, I don't care if you laugh but I still enjoy seeing Conan the Barbarian on videotape. The violence doesn't bother me because it is part of the character.

If Schwarzenegger isn't a great actor, he certainly is up to the demands of his role. James Earl Jones is not only up the demands of his role as Thulsa Doom, he turns Doom into just about the most hypnotic screen villain that I can think of. The only villain that comes close is Darth Vader and Vader falls short because he had only Jones' voice, not his facial expression. Then there is Max Von Sydow as Osric. To my taste he overpowers his role just a bit, but he is also quite good. Schwarzenegger has a forceful appearance that usually makes him the center of attention on the screen. Both of these other two men, by sheer weight of acting talent and forceful speaking, make Conan seem insignificant. That, after all, is the Riddle of Steel.

The entire film of Conan the Barbarian is filled with surprisingly effective feel of fire and steel and fatalism rare in film. This is underscored in the first part of the film by effective camerawork, particularly in the scenes of Conan's village, the steam-snorting horses, and the icy forest, all powerfully recorded on film.

Conan the Barbarian was directed by John Milius, who also did Apocalypse Now. In fact, the last third of the two films are surprisingly similar. Both concern reluctant assassins nearly seduced by their intended victims and both have very similar styles.

And then there is Basil Poledouris' score for Conan the Barbarian. As I sit writing this review I am listening to the record. Maybe for the fortieth time I am listening to the record. I don't even play Star Wars that often.

The record has about fifty minutes of music and it never reuses a theme. If you are familiar with film scores, you will know how rare it is that a composer writes fifty minutes of unrepeating themes. Most scores have three or four new themes and the keep recombining them. Poledouris' score is probably my favorite of all time.

If you collect film scores and see it but you can't imagine a good film score about a man who bashes heads, get it anyway. There is a heck of a lot more to Conan the Barbarian than meets the eye. And if you did like Conan the Barbarian, you might like Conan the Destroyer.

Conan the Destroyer is a different approach to the Conan character. It might better have been called Conan Lite.

This is primarily due to the replacement of John Milius as director with Richard Fleisher, known for 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, Fantastic Voyage, and Soylent Green. The style of the film is less violent and macho, more like that of a Sinbad film.

Lost is the primal atmosphere the first film projected so effectively. In his own world, the character is more famous, but in ours he is less credible. The contrast is almost like the difference between James Bond in Dr. No and Bond in Octopussy. Fleischer's idea of atmospheric photography is a tinted sky and a tinted ground with men riding dusty horses rather than the very natural-looking scenes of Conan's village at the beginning of the first film. It works, but not as effectively or convincingly.

Conan's mission in this film is to accompany a young woman on a quest for a magical horn. Unknown to Conan (but known to the audience), the quest is an evil one and the true plan calls for Conan to be murdered and the young woman to be sacrificed.

Conan has a sidekick Akiro, the wizard from the first film. Akiro's powers seem somewhat modified in this film. The first time, it was clear he had some magical knowledge, but not very much. In this film, his powers are inconsistent. He has considerable levitation power, but does not use it early in the film to save his life. Another sidekick is a thief who is Malak, a buffoon along only for unneeded comic relief. The Conan of the books and the first film would never have tolerated him. Another purpose for him seems to be explaining the plot to the children the new PG rating allows in. For example, Akiro says the entrance to a fortress is in a pool and Malak chimes in, "You mean, under the water?" Also, it seems Conan's propensity for hitting horses and camels will be a running gag in the series.

Perhaps the biggest script problem, by comparison with the first film, is that the villainy is divided up among too many people, none of whom are particularly powerful or forceful in themselves.

All the evils in the first film were rays emanating from one incredible, evil messiah, Thulsa Doom, played by a man who really has the charismatic power to play a messiah convincingly. In the books, the evil wizard Thonth-Amon is as powerful and evil as Thulsa Doom, but the script just treats overcoming him as just another one of the labors Conan must perform. Several small villains are effective; one big villain played by James Earl Jones is more so.

Poledouris once again does the score, which unfortunately borrows heavily from his score for the first film, but also adds a number of new themes.

Once again, Conan is called on to fight a monster. Carle Rambaldi, who constructed a marvelous giant snake for the first film, built a less impressive Dagoth for this film, but it still was effective enough to have members of the audience shouting.

Conan the Destroyer stands on its own as an impressive fantasy film, one of the best since the last one. On the -4 to +4 scale, I'd give it a respectable +2, just one point below its predecessor. And with its new PG rating, maybe fewer people will have to say, "Don't laugh, but I actually enjoyed Conan the Destroyer."