Relationships

Relationships (R) consist of “developing social and emotional skills to enable the development of nourishing relationships with self and others” (Norrish, Robinson & Williams 2013). This is important because social isolation is a risk factor for depression, substance abuse, suicide, and other symptoms of mental ill-health (Hassed 2008). On the other hand, supportive school relationships have been linked with child and adolescent wellbeing and resilience (Stewart et al 2004).¹

"Showing others matter by doing good to feel good, feeling good to do good, and being respectful. Looking to the future with optimism and hope." ²

"We thrive on connections that promote love, intimacy, and a strong emotional and physical interaction with other humans. Positive relationships with one’s parents, siblings, peers, coworkers, and friends is a key ingredient to overall joy." - Positive Psychology

"The end result of a positive nurtured relationship is that we feel a sense of value in ourselves that stems from the actions of others, while at the same time; we feel that same value of self by the action we perform to enhance and build the relationship." - The Positive Psychology People

"To be kept forcibly in solitude is to be kept in pain, and put on the road to madness. A person’s membership in his group — his tribe — is a large part of his identity." - E.O. Wilson

"But the second thing is a little more surprising; at least it was to us. And that’s that the people who end up not just the happiest but the healthiest are the people who have more social connections and warmer social connections. Connections of all kinds—not just intimate partners, but friends and work colleagues and casual relationships. All of that adds up to a happier and healthier life as you get older." - Robert Waldinger, Head of the Harvard Study of Adult Development discussing the two behaviors that most predict living a life of happiness and meaning. The second criteria is the importance of taking care of one's body - physical health. How to Build a Happy Life podcast. Watch Dr. Waldinger's TED Talk below. 

"Specific qualities in a relationship, particularly social support, affect physical health. This term refers to the ways in which we provide information or assistance, show affection, and comfort, and confide in others. As mounting evidence shows, people of all ages function best in socially supportive environments." ³ 

Living It and Teaching with Relationships: Which strengths in which situations help us engage within this PERMAH pillar?

Living and Teaching Resources>

• Active Constructive Responding - Target the Active Construct Responding (ACR) listening technique to acknowledge - validate - celebrate others in your communication - see chart at the end of this section. 

• Active Listening - Be present and listen to others. 

• Attachment Styles in Adult Relationships and Active Constructive Responding (ACR) - Positive Psychology dives deep into attachment and ACR within our relationships. See the ACR chart below. 

• Emotional Bank Account - "Fill Your Bucket" - Use the language of making deposits (not withdrawals) into the emotional bank and adding to (not dipping from) the emotional bucket of others. 

• Forgiveness - "When we are able to forgive another person, oneself, or a situation/circumstance, we are capable of freeing ourselves from a negative association to the source." (Raj et al. 2016)

• How Is the R of My PERMAH Today & Tomorrow? - Use this worksheet to drill down on the current state of your positive (constructive) emotions while also planning for tomorrow. 

• ITAPL - Initiate Connection - Invest Your Time - Appreciation - (Be) Present - Listen. I made up this acronym drawing from the 5 Fives Ways to Invest in Your Most Valued Relationship list of strategies from the folks at Positive Psychology. 

• Non-Verbal Communication - Review the nine types of non-verbal communication as presented by Verywell Mind. Also take in the graphic below shared by Positive Psychology. You can also review their full write-up on non-verbal communication. 

• Questions - Active listening and employing the Active Constructive Responding (ACR) response to good news and information (see graphic below) helps to strengthen relationships while supporting constructive emotions in both the listener and the person at the receiving end of the listening. Dr. Jane Dutton's research shows that we can employ four categories of questions in our active listening. Replace "work" with "school" and "school experience" for students.
  
  

1. Ask Questions that Convey Genuine Interest in the other person

• What has been the most meaningful part of your work week?

• What do you most care about in your work? Or what do you most love to do here?

• What have you learned about yourself at work?
  
  

2. Ask Questions that Inject Positivity

• What gives you joy at work?

• Who are you most grateful for at work?

• What makes you feel valued here?
  
  

3. Ask Questions that Offer Help and Assistance

• In what ways can I assist you in your work?

• What are your most significant needs at work right now?

• What have others done for you that you found most helpful at work?
  
  

4. Ask Questions that Uncover Common Ground

• What is your favorite hobby or activity outside of work?

• What are you most looking forward to in the next three months?

• Where have you traveled that you most enjoyed?

• Relationship Care - Work with students to answer the question, "how do you care for others"? You can also unpack the term "social (support) network" to help students see the web of relationships that nurtures their wellbeing and how they support others. A guiding mantra is to help students to think outside of themselves. 

• Self-Compassion - "Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness, concern, and support you would show to a good friend." (Neff & Dahm, 2015) 

• Student-Teacher Relationships - Review the "Improving Students Relationships' with Teachers to Provide Essential Supports for Learning" article for many strategies. 

• Restorative Practices - Access the Restorative Practices Toolkit for strategies to help build relationships and to nurture the school community. 

 ¹ UPP

² The Learning Curve

³ Hales, D. (2021). An invitation to health: Taking Charge of Your Health (19th ed.). Stamford, CT: Cengage Learning

ACR Image